To stay friends or not?

[UnhappyFriend]

I have a friend who made a huge thing of my birthday last year and baked me a decadent cake and invited me and another friend to afternoon tea. This year I got a 'phone call to say she had been so busy with her social calendar that she had not gotten around to sending me a card and had had to put me on hold! I have made huge effort to give her lifts and generally make sure she had a good time the last year. Needless to say I am miffed. AIBU? AINBU?

I get that a bit upsetting but she has been honest and she sounds thoughtful In general so I'd let it slide.

I'm going to go with she may be overwhelmed with things at the moment and time got away on her. It happens.

It sounds like it’s out of character for her in comparison to previous years. If she’s generally a good friend I’d judge her on those actions bar the one ‘birth’day she’s buggered up and been transparent about it.

She did apologise as she was busy. Do you seriously expect her to bake you a decadent cake every year

I wouldn't really expect a friend to make arrangements for my birthday. To come to something id arranged if possible, yes, or make plans with me but not be the one doing the legwork. I just don't see that as a requisite for friendship. I know others do but just throwing in the view that it's not a universal expectation

What did you do for her birthday?

Took her to a concert which she seemed to enjoy.

Golly, I forgot to text my friend on her birthday because I am in the middle of emotional drama of separation. I very much hope she doesn't bin me as a friend when I eventually text her with a massive apology.... As indeed, she has done a few times over the years when she was snowed under at the time of my birthday. Somehow our friendship lasted 30 years despite this.
People have things going on in their lives, you know. I would absolutely never expect a friend, no matter how close, to make a big fuss on my birthday. But if that's your only requirement, then sure. Go ahead and ditch your friend. I think, though, it says more about you than her.

Where did I write that I would ditch her? I used the word 'miffed'. General purpose of this post was AIBU to feel this way? Wish people would read post properly rather than putting their own spin on things.

Your title says "to stay friends or not", does it not? Which very much implies that you are considering ending the friendship over this.

In your title.

You sound insane. She made a huge deal of your birthday last year. This year she didn’t, and you’re sulking??

Well, as they say, you sound like hard work OP. Either there is more backstory, or perhaps your friend is better off without you. Friendship is much harder if you take offense at every minor oversight or mix-up.

Farken ell

My dad would describe this as "she has a lot of credit in the bank". Let it go.

I'd let it go if she's still a good mate in other ways. Although I have to say I wouldn't expect a friend to organise my birthday or give me extravagant gifts. Friends and I stopped all that when we had families of our own. It's just a lot of pressure no one needs.

It's nice that she pulled out the stops one year but that's not standard for friends and shouldn't be expected. She's busy and she let you know. I wouldn't be miffed or consider dropping her (as your title does imply). Friendships are about more than birthdays and fluctuate with adult lives.

Your title. Check your title.

Are you used too being the princess in your story? Sounds like it.

Don't stay friends...for her sake.

Where did I write that I would ditch her?

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How old are you, OP?

I'm in my mid 40s and if I binned friends for forgetting my birthday, I literally would not be talking to anyone. 😄

You did imply you were considering ditching her as a friend. Some years we do more for people other years we don't or can't. That is just life.