Sister Visiting

[ThisBlueMoose]

My sister lives really close to my father so whenever we visit my Dad we always visit them too. They live in the village that we grew up in. Different houses but same place and lots of my extended family live there too. We visit quite often, two or three times a year sometimes more often.

I live in Scotland a minimum of an eight hour car or train journey away.

My sister hasn’t visited me at my house for eight years. I am quite upset about this. She made it to Scotland a few weeks ago for a fake bbc Hogmanay party but didn’t even tell me she was coming and seemed really blasé about the fact I was upset.

They had only come for one night etc. I was still three hours from there.

i spoke to my dad about it and he spoke to her and then she asked about coming at Easter. Our school holidays are different to hers and now it might be key games for their football team. So I can’t see it happening at all.

When home this weekend I made a few comments about it. And then she went on about how her husband’s sisters have never been to their house and they just visit them when they go to see his parents. Implying that I was making a fuss over nothing.

Am I?
We lost our mum over ten years ago and i thought we were closer than this. I feel like I have been kicked.
So
am I being unreasonable to expect my sister to visit me at my home?

Yanbu x

Have you invited her?
Does she travel a lot?
Are there any specific commitments that might prevent her from traveling to you e.g disabled child or lack of money ?

You are travelling to your childhood village to stay at your dad's and visit extended family.

Quite different than uf your sister travelling only too see you.

Always invited her.
She works from home unless travelling for work. She goes away to visit other people for weekends or to see concerts.
Money not an issue, my Dad would help with that too. She has three kids 19,15 and 11, no additional support needs.

YANBU but pick your battles, and think what do you want to achieve.

You can die on this hill, and eventually cut all contact, but you'll be no contact. Or can you get round by facetime or other methods? Just thinking what you want to get out of anything you kick off

My sister lives really close to my father so whenever we visit my Dad we always visit them too.

So you don’t travel to see your sister either. You only happen to see her because she lives near your dad. YABU

You moved 8 hours or so away, so I do think it's a bit unfair to expect her to travel all that way to you. You visit your hometown for multiple reasons and it's logical you'd travel back. So I don't think she's in the wrong here, not sure I'd want to schlep all that way either to visit a sibling.

YANBU to be upset she has NEVER visited you.

YWBU to expect her to visit you regularly.

Yes, you are really visiting your Dad, and have the bonus of seeing her and other family and friends, but it is ridiculous that she has never managed it once in 8 years.
I would be hurt too.

So she came nearer you but still three hours away and she was only there one
Night? Unless she had time to extend her stay what's the issue? Three hours is a heck of an extra trek.
Invite them when it's convenient for both of you, and understand with school age kids on different schedules this is tricky.
I travel abroad to see my family. I go at least twice as much as they travel to see me and there's more of us. Frankly I'd rather go to them as it's exciting and different rather than have to host!

Honestly I think when you live 8 hours away from someone I think it's probably unrealistic to expect them to visit often.
She could have made the effort once or twice thought

You see her because she lives next to your dad where you come from.
she likely feels she sees you enough because you are down there multiple times a year.

if you are really honest (not I need to be right so I telling myself of course I would) would you really be going through that long journey to see her. Probably not is my guess.
or maybe once a year.

I think the more important question is how close are you both (removing the visit issue) do you talk regularly and genuinely care for each other and get on and like each other?

that could be there are reasons to not want to travel such a long distance.

im not taking her side. I have a sibling who is similar and they live massively closer! It’s hurtful but it’s a waste of energy to ruminate over it.

Your sister has no reason to visit you when you are regularly travelling down south to visit your Dad, she can just see you when you are down there.

If you didn't have your Dad and other family down south, and you were just travelling to see your sister then it would fair to take turns visiting each other and you would have every right to complain if it was always you going to her and her never going to you.

Next time you go down south, don't set aside a specific day to visit your sister and her family - just say I'm visiting Dad on X day and Aunt Jane on Y day, please feel to join us (if you have had enough of making a special visit just for her).