How can I support my DH to finally give up smoking - grumpy / angry man without cigarettes

[howtodothissmoke]

When we met, I was 23 and he was 21. We both smoked.

Throughout the years I slowly just phased it out. I just smoked less and less and now I don't smoke.

He's just kept going. He's 37 now. He gave up for a few months when we were trying to have a baby. Once I got pregnant he just picked it back up again,

Anyways, it's not something you can talk to him about. He gets really funny about it. ' Leave me alone' etc.

Last week he had flu with a bad cough and temperature and didn't feel like smoking. He announced he was going to go with it and just keep going. It had been 3 days without cigarettes when he told me. I said that's great. Do you maybe want to try a patch to help ? He said no. Cold turkey. Fine. He said he doesn't want to talk about it and he doesn't want his parents to comment on it either as it will just piss him off.. ok..

I think he deals with stress through smoking, so this is going to be very difficult for him. I don't think he knows how to deal with his emotions, other than through smoking. When we go out with the kids or something, he gets every edgy if he can't smoke for a while. Or travelling on the plane, he gets snappy and angry if he hasn't had a cigarette for a bit.

I absolutely despise it. So many times I'm left alone with the kids, while he's off smoking.

I really hope he can kick it this time. For him, it's sad, but it's like losing his crutch. How can I help ? He'll say we need to have sex more and if we only had sex more it would be easier for him to stop. It makes me feel sick when he says that as I feel he's blaming me for his smoking. Eugh. It's gross.

the sex thing is gross, sex always used to make me want a post coital cigarette, I blame the movies! Hypnotherapy worked for me, I quit 23 years ago / hypnotherapy book / audible is really accessible. Really though he needs to make the decision for himself and find healthier outlets for his stress.

He has to WANT to stop smoking. The fact that he doesn’t want people to know he’s trying to quit is fine……the more they ask about his progress the more he will be reminded about having a cigarette.
I stopped smoking cold turkey some years ago…..no patches, no chewing gum, no therapy……did it all by myself. I identified the times when I’d reach for the cigarettes and deliberately avoided those situations. I focussed on half a day at a time, this was eventually increased to a day at a time, then two days and so on until I cracked it. All together, I took me aground two to three weeks……and I detest the smell now. My health has improved, I’m more active and can actually breathe when walking up a flight of stairs.
I wish your OH well in his quest to kick the habit.

I was such a confirmed smoker that I'd pick dog ends up in the street - bus stops would often have a few. I stopped smoking with Champix, and the help of a smoking cessation counsellor. Every ex-smoker who has ever shared 'how I did it' with me remembers the date and sometimes the time and occasion of their last fag. I don't remember the date of my last fag; it was in April six years ago - hang on, was it seven? It was that easy. A non-event really, and I've never been tempted. It really doesn't have to be insurmountable. I hope your husband succeeds.

He'll say we need to have sex more and if we only had sex more it would be easier for him to stop

I don't have the words.

He doesn't want to give up and addicts are defensive over their habit. You can't make him stop but you can have boundaries eg smoke outside. Smoking costs an absolute fortune so put away the same amount every week and spend it on something extravagant.