To think its selfish that my dad doesn’t want to go on holiday for my mum’s 70th?

[zambie]

My mum is turning 70 next year. My brother and I are trying to arrange a week abroad to celebrate her birthday.

Nothing particular fancy, probably around £1,000 for hotel and flights each then we’d probably self cater and have a few meals out.

Both parents are retired, mortgage free, good pensions.

My dad has decided he doesn’t want to do this trip. Or at least he doesn’t want to think about it until
closer to the time.

He prefers last minute trips but I’ve explained that because I teach, I need to be super organised to get somewhere decent or it’ll be too expensive.

AIBU to think it’s selfish for my dad not to go on this holiday? Dmum really wants to do it but realistically she wouldn’t go without him.

Book it and tell him closer to the time?

Could you get him on his own and try to unpick his reasoning? Maybe he's worried about it for some reason but doesn't want to say no in front of your mum for example?

Book it and if he wants to tag on, he can. Don't hold off booking for his sake.

Too much drama.

Your Mum won't go without him and he won't commit to it.

I'd forget it or just go yourself .

If your mum really won't go without him, then I think you need to have one final chat with Dad, then talk to Mum about what she wants to do.

If she would actually go, then book it - and work out if booking an extra space for Dad won't be too expensive (e.g. accommodation the same only transport)/ could add Dad on later/ best option for you all

Either book something for you and mum if she will agree and give dad option to add on later or give up.

Maybe he doesn't want to do a family holiday.. personally i find them tough ans i get on eith mine really well

He could have very good reasons for not wanting to book far in advance.

I'm not sure what kind of relationship you have with your dad but could you take him for a coffee, speak to him one on one and tell him that this isn't about him, your mother would love it but you know she wouldn't leave him so if she doesn't go then she's missing out because of him?

Yes, I’d find out what the real reason is he doesn’t want to go. If he doesn’t have one, just book it and tell him you’re going and that’s that. Once your mum finds out and gets all excited he won’t want to disappoint her by dropping out for no good reason. Is he usually a bit manipulative?

Have you been on holiday with him before? I wonder if it is possible that he wants to go away with just your mum and this is a kind way of saying so. A final thought is going away in school holidays. As retirees they want a holiday at a less busy time.

Unless your Dad has a track record, I don’t know whether you can say it is selfish. Start by finding out the reason is the best way to tackle this.