Losing my mind!

Madgesty76 · 2024-12-23T17:56:58+00:00

Hi all. I posted a while back about health anxiety. My brother died of lung cancer 8 years ago and my dad died suddenly of heart failure 10 years ago. My mum died when I was 3 so all my life I've been surrounded by death or at least the fear of it. Fast forward to now. I'm almost 50. I've 4 kids ... the youngest is 6. And for the longest time I'm consumed with the thoughts of dying and leaving my kids behind . I have a very happy life....although I have no partner. But I have a good job , enough money and my kids are happy. I had a scare a few weeks back where I had to go for a colonoscopy and endoscopy. They were clear so I had peace of mind. Up until last week . I had a chest infection. Was on antibiotics and an inhaler but it still hasn't cleared up. Which brings me back to lung cancer. I have it in my head now that that's my fate and ill die of it. I went back to my doctor today and told her I can't live like this anymore and I want to live a normal life without the constant fear of being sick. So I asked her to check all markers for cancer and a chest x ray. She was so kind and understanding and she agreed. I had a full blood count done recently and they were all clear. So until I get these other tests back I'm going to be a nervous wreck. What if I am really sick ? All the what ifs are terrifying me. Xmas is tomorrow and I can't even bring myself to feel any joy just in case I'm sick. I know this makes no sense. But if any of you have any advice I'd really appreciate it. Thank you x

Didimum · 23/12/2024 18:00

Asking for tests and constantly checking for illness does not help health anxiety, it makes it worse. It feels like reassurance but it is short term and exacerbates it over the longer term. You are feeding the anxiety. Spend your energy into some good quality therapy for health anxiety.

Original poster

Madgesty76 · 23/12/2024 18:02

Didimum · 23/12/2024 18:00

Asking for tests and constantly checking for illness does not help health anxiety, it makes it worse. It feels like reassurance but it is short term and exacerbates it over the longer term. You are feeding the anxiety. Spend your energy into some good quality therapy for health anxiety.

Hi . Thanks for your reply . Yes I'm booked in for therapy in 2 weeks. I definitely need it. Thanks again..x

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Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 23/12/2024 18:05

You’re probably fine but no matter what stressing so much you don’t enjoy Christmas with your kids will only make things worse.

im glad you’re starting some counselling. Try and put it out of your mind and enjoy Christmas.

Original poster

Madgesty76 · 23/12/2024 18:21

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 23/12/2024 18:05

You’re probably fine but no matter what stressing so much you don’t enjoy Christmas with your kids will only make things worse.

im glad you’re starting some counselling. Try and put it out of your mind and enjoy Christmas.

Thank you..... have a happy Christmas x

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Emailaddresser · 23/12/2024 21:42

Can totally relate as I’ve been through bad bouts of health anxiety, thinking that I am dying from anything and everything. The fear is real. The thought of leaving my kids behind is terrifying. What I will say is that the one thing I have in common that is most definitely the trigger is the fact that my mum died when I was very small too. There’s no denying that this is the cause and if you’re like me and you didn’t work through your grief (my mum was never talked about after she died) then it does rear its ugly head time and time again when you’re an adult.
On a more positive note, I have been seeing a counsellor for the last two years and I am so much better for it, so I really hope you can find one who can help you in the same way. Sending big hugs!

DancingLions · 23/12/2024 22:05

What you need to try and realise is that your "spoiling" the time you have with your DCs right now by worrying so much.

My DD has health anxiety so I do have some experience of how difficult it is. She's having CBT which I know she is finding really helpful. I think even just having that space safe to express her fears is helping to take some of the overwhelming feelings out of them. So please do seek help for this.

You've had a lot of loss in your life so it's not surprising you feel the way you do but there is help out there.

None of us know when we're going to go and how it will happen. That's scary when you think too deeply about it. All we can do is enjoy the time we do have. Maybe just try and tell yourself you'll put your worries "on hold" for the next few days. Really focus on having a lovely Christmas with your DC.

In my experience, "feeding" negative thoughts of any kind just increases them. I literally push them out and focus on something else. It takes time and practice but it does work.

Original poster

Madgesty76 · 23/12/2024 22:16

Emailaddresser · 23/12/2024 21:42

Can totally relate as I’ve been through bad bouts of health anxiety, thinking that I am dying from anything and everything. The fear is real. The thought of leaving my kids behind is terrifying. What I will say is that the one thing I have in common that is most definitely the trigger is the fact that my mum died when I was very small too. There’s no denying that this is the cause and if you’re like me and you didn’t work through your grief (my mum was never talked about after she died) then it does rear its ugly head time and time again when you’re an adult.
On a more positive note, I have been seeing a counsellor for the last two years and I am so much better for it, so I really hope you can find one who can help you in the same way. Sending big hugs!

Awhhhhh big hugs to you too. It's a terrible shame the impact of losing a mum has on us. And yes the fear is very real but I don't think people understand unless they've been through it. I'm looking forward to therapy and working out how I can work through whatever grief I have. Thank you so much for your lovely reply. And have a very happy Christmas xxxxx

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Original poster

Madgesty76 · 23/12/2024 22:18

DancingLions · 23/12/2024 22:05

What you need to try and realise is that your "spoiling" the time you have with your DCs right now by worrying so much.

My DD has health anxiety so I do have some experience of how difficult it is. She's having CBT which I know she is finding really helpful. I think even just having that space safe to express her fears is helping to take some of the overwhelming feelings out of them. So please do seek help for this.

You've had a lot of loss in your life so it's not surprising you feel the way you do but there is help out there.

None of us know when we're going to go and how it will happen. That's scary when you think too deeply about it. All we can do is enjoy the time we do have. Maybe just try and tell yourself you'll put your worries "on hold" for the next few days. Really focus on having a lovely Christmas with your DC.

In my experience, "feeding" negative thoughts of any kind just increases them. I literally push them out and focus on something else. It takes time and practice but it does work.

I hope your DD is doing ok. Health anxiety is a horrible thing to experience. I've just grabbed my 2 youngest kids and snuggled them up in bed .....they're so excited for santa and I'm just going to push through the anxiety and give them the best Christmas they deserve. Thank you so much xx

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