Not his ideal

[RaquelWelch]

Am I being unreasonable?

I know (most) men watch porn but I have this issue. My OH has a thing for big breasts. Now my breasts are definitely not big. We have been together for a long time, we have children. I am fit for my age and I have good breasts, but not big!

A number of years ago he had an affair and the lady he had an affair with had big (extremely big, fake) breasts and blonde hair. The affair was about sex, not love and I think, she used him as much as he used her.

I have seen search history on his phone, for porn sites, a long time ago, but after the affair, and the searches were for "big breasts, blonde hair". I obviously mentioned this to him and he assured me I was perfect, I had perfect breasts, he loved me etc. I have very recently seen the same searches on his phone and it makes me feel awful.

Now, I know porn can be fantasy and fantasy can be very different to every day, but I am dark haired with small breasts and his searches are always for blonde hair and big breasts.

It just makes me question what he says to me when he says he loves me and loves my body and my breasts and I am perfect. I guess with everything that has happened he has made me insecure and I hate that. I don't think he is having an affair but I just think that his previous affair was his fantasy and that is not me.

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What's the point of this post?

Leave

Without the affair, I would have said, just fantasy, doesn't mean his feelings for you don't trump that, he has chosen you. Told.you that I fantasise about completely different looking men to the love of my life etc.
With the affair, I don't see how you are supposed to get over it. You can't use all that reasoning because he has cheated with his fantasy.

@RaquelWelch Sorry to bump your old thread, but how did you get on? I hope you kicked this guy to the curb. You deserve someone who genuinely likes you as you are.

There's fantasising about someone who's different looking, and there's actively seeking out and wanting a specific attribute (i.e. large breasts) that your partner, the one you supposedly prefer, does not have.

I’m sorry to be bumping an old thread, but I couldn’t resist. I I think OP deserves more and I hope she did end up leaving him!

I also wanted to say that I doubt Alicia Vikander, Natalie Portman, Vogue Williams, Kelly Ripa, Shakira and countless other small-breasted females’ husbands/partners are dissatisfied with them. Just bear that in mind!