To want to be told AIBU - worried about germs

[postpartumanxious]

I have a 6 week old baby. Today we went to a shopping centre. DH pressed the pedestrian crossing, the lift buttons, shop door handles and neither of us had washed our hands in a long time. Baby DD’s dummy fell out so he put it back in - he only touched the sides of the dummy rather than the actual teat, but the sides sit quite close on her cheeks to her mouth. I am worried about germs and respiratory illnesses as I know this year flu and other viruses are rife.

I am going to seek help for my anxiety at my GP postnatal check next week as I don’t want it to spiral out of control. I think I already know the answer but DD will be ok, right? I feel really unsettled worrying that she will have ingested any germs and wish we had just Milton-ed our hands a bit more religiously

I know that when she is older she will put all sorts in her mouth so I do need to relax, but it’s just the time of year coupled with how tiny she is that makes me a bit on edge, I just want to keep her safe

Please be kind but straight with me - AIBU to let this worry me?

You are at the start of a very long parenting "journey" (sorry). As you says, once she is even slightly mobile she'll be putting all sorts in her mouth, including toys at playgroups that other children have licked or chewed. She will get bugs and illnesses and it's a bit miserable for a few days but ultimately normal probably good in the long run. I am exceptionally lax about hand washing before food etc and my two have had precisely one tummy bug in their 15 odd years of life, occasional colds and maybe one course of antibiotics each. My MIL is an overanxious nightmare and does my head in with her hovering and wiping and spraying. Do try to relax so your dd doesn't pick up on your anxiety.

I'd carry around hand sanitizer and use that until you can wash your hands. Theres also wipes that Milton do that you can use on things like dummies. I had my baby during the height of covid, i was a mess. But these little things just gave me peace of mind more than anything.

Thank you for this. I needed to read some sense! I agree, I want her to be a lot more relaxed than this so it’s important I address it now for all of our sakes. I am also BF so I suppose that passes on some immunity too.

Thank you, I do carry it and that’s why I was feeling even worse, we’d just been forgetting to use it

My immune system is brilliant because my DM didn’t care a lot about stuff like that. I haven’t even had a cold in at least 3 years. It’s not good to be scared of germs

I was never worried about any such things with my 3, and contrary to your worries they all have super immune systems and are hardly ever ill, very little colds or stomach bugs in this family. Hell, I would even pick the dummy up off the ground, suck it clean and then give it back - shock horror!

My nephew was playing quietly with his toys while I made him some food. Or so I thought.

When I went back in the living room, he was quite happily chewing on the pushchair wheels. Hasn't done him any harm. 🤣🤣😅

Read up on the effects of insufficient exposure to germs by babies born during Covid lockdowns - your baby needs those germs to develop her immune system.

Get rid of the dummy if its causing you this distress.

She will be fine. Try to relax and remove that mum guilty! Mum guilty can be so hard.

Its really positive that you have acknowledged your anxiety and are planning to speak to your GP about it. Starting addressing it now will make things so much easier going forward.

I get it though - this year seems particular bad for cold/flu/virus. I'm not usually a worrier but a bit on edge this year with mine (nearly 3 and 7!) I just dont deal with sickness well

I can’t really as it settles her and helps her to sleep in the day when she’s overtired

And the way my mind works atm, if it wasn’t the dummy it would be something else!

I’ve never had any anxiety before or since, but oh my goodness those first 6 months. Terrible!
If it’s any consolation I think there is a biological reason for this- as a ‘mammal in the wild’ and bearing in mind that civilisation has only been a very small part of our evolution - we have a hightened sense of anxiety to ensure we are always on high alert to keep our little ones safe as in comparison with many other mammals they are quite underdeveloped at birth and so need this extra attention from mothers to protect from threats and risks.
in 2024 - this is how those fears present.

When my DC was at crawling stage we also had a puppy that wasn't fully house-trained. I'll leave the rest to your imagination but that DC is now a strapping 6 footer with barely a day's illness in 20 years.

I'm (trying) to ditch my hand sanitiser. Those chemicals aren't good for you, but small amounts of germs are!

Just buy a dummy clip for while you're out of the house.

Your baby will be fine.

I don't have anxiety but after each baby I was fixated on something different to worry about - magnets/falling into the canal (me with baby in sling 🤣)/ car seats/ chicken pox (my older kids had it when I was 9 months pregnant- luckily my babies are very late but I was paranoid about CP for ages after)
I'm convinced that it's nature's way of making sure new mums have prepared for disaster(exacerbated by sleep deprivation) obviously do ask HV/GP for help but I just wanted to let you know it's really really common & you'll be ok (& so will baby).

2 of mine used to spend a considerable amount of time between age 2 & 4 "kissing" slings & snails - kissing often involved the whole head going in their mouth 🤢🤣 & only one has ever been to aGP & that was for a wart!

You just have to remember all those babies who went before yours, before hand sanitiser and wipes. Yes, we did wash our hands, before eating but not on the go. Generally as a pp, dummy's were sucked by parents to clean them, there was a three second rule to anything dropped, the babies used to lie on their play mats sucking the end of the cats tails, eat gravel, suck stones, lick everything ..... All were and are fine.