Feel like I've ruined Christmas

[Grinch33]

Sitting here today in a panic.

It has been a horrific year, DH diagnosed with cancer, my dear aunt passed away. Work not great.

I decided to cut down on Christmas. Two DC in late teens. Every Christmas I have put a lot of thought and effort into their presents. Normally get 1 or 2 "big" presents then lots of smaller ones.

I just couldn't face it this year and also have to be careful with money.

They have only got 3 gifts each. I normally buy for their partners but am just going to pop some money in their card.

Panicking now as I feel I should have made more of an effort.

Really think they are going to be upset with the lack of effort from me this year. They are good kids and never ask for much :(

Please cut yourself a huge amount of slack, you're obviously going through a hard time. Your children are not 8, they won't need or expect vast quantities and they will understand.

They already have everything they need. They will be happy.

You’ve had a lot on @Grinch33 so it’s completely understandable it’s all overwhelming this year. I’m sorry for your loss.

Youve still got time if you want to pop to the shops and I’m sure people on here would help to think of a few gifts. Amazon etc. However, I’m sure your family get it and the main thing is you are together.

Due to fat fingers I voted YABU but meant YANBU, sorry.

If you have bought your DC gifts, then can you go online and buy a voucher for their partners rather than putting cash in their cards? That’s the only ‘addition’ I would do.

Late teens is old enough to understand Op. I hope your DH is in remission very soon

I don’t think they will mind at all. Mine were great after my Dad died and I didn’t want to do much for a couple of years and now we are going to keep things low key as everyone enjoys the minimal hassle.

We agreed with everyone no presents this year. The tree looks sad with none, but I must remain strong.

Give yourself a break. You sound absolutely ground down by life OP. Nobody remembers the presents part really so don't worry about that. Don't worry about any of it it. Just try to enjoy Christmas the best you can.

I wouldn't. They may end up with a voucher they can't use. All teens like cash!

It has been a horrific year, DH diagnosed with cancer, my dear aunt passed away. Work not great. Please give yourself a break.

You haven't ruined anything, you've had a terrible year and you've still made an effort for Christmas. You've done enough. They're late teens, not little kids.

I'd talk to them, sit down and spend some time with them, a walk or something they'd like or cinema whatever it is and explain a bit about what's going on but that's what really important for you is that you all spend time together. Do something you can talk about and create a bit of a new tradition.

Don't be hard on yourself.

You can change your vote - just click the other option

They are old enough to understand. It does no good at all to get children into adulthood not understanding that life ebbs and flows and Christmas isn't only about presents.

You've done enough. ❤️

Wishing your DH well, and wishing you all a peaceful Christmas.

And 💐 too, for your aunt.

If they really are good kids, they’ll get it. Please breathe. They’d rather a mum that’s hanging in there than a mum that’s panicked and miserable.

This.

And if you were my mum, what I would want from you for Christmas is the biggest hug ever.

Hang on in there. Gentle hand hold.

Thank you everyone. I'm normally so well organised but just couldn't face it this year.

My poor mum can't even face coming to ours Christmas and just wants to be home with my dad. This is added to my guilt but she is grieving so bad

Cash with chocolate always is the preferred gift for everyone in my family. They can choose how to spend it & they all love chocolate. What's not to like?

We've had a tough year for lots of reasons so will be chilling out over the holidays with walks, good food & a trip to the cinema on Christmas Eve to see Paddington. Spend time with your family, expensive gifts don't matter.

I am willing to bet that the vast majority of people over 40 grew up with one present and an orange in a stocking and we all have fabulous memories of Christmas. If your nearly adult children get upset over fewer gifts this year, it is really on them. They ought to know better. So cut yourself some slack, get a glass of mulled wine and put your feet up.

I would give yourself a break, it sounds like you deserve it. Please do not worry - you have by no means spoiled Christmas. I'm sure your DCs would happily support this.