Family popping in and not feeling it

[OddBallNumber5]

Tomorrow I have some in laws separately dropping presents off for the kids. While I am grateful and know it’s for our kids, I am really struggling right now and have been signed off work with depression and anxiety. My SIL doesn’t really get mental health issues and although she never directly calls it out, I feel she sees it as a weakness and that there are people far worse off with cancer/war zones etc. MIL is not subtle or empathetic enough to get poor mental health either so I’ll just be sat pretending all is well as usual. I feel like shitting myself in the shed until they’ve gone.

Does anyone have any advice / tips / one liners for managing people who don’t understand poor mental health ?

Do you not put on an act for your children?

I mean you don't need to talk about your mental health, they're dropping off presents for the kids etc so just keep it lighthearted and friendly. Sometimes it's just a case of getting through things for the sake of your kids, even when it's hard to socialise.

Did you mean 'shutting'? Shitting in there is a bit drastic. Sorry, but that did give me a chuckle. I'm sorry you feel so low though.

Do it for the kids, put the kettle on and just let them be with the kids.

If all else fails just say "do you mind if I quickly jump in the shower whilst you're here to watch the kids" and absent yourself for 30 mins to shower and sort yourself out.

Shutting is what I meant but that has made me 😂

Thanks for giving me a giggle! I do hope you manage to navigate the visit ok.

You could tell a white lie and say you have an upset stomach and so you’d love to see them but just for an hour? Or, ‘just to check you’re coming over at 3 tomorrow ? I need to go to get / do / FaceTime with x at 5´.

I did have a giggle at the typo!

Take a deep breath OP and just try to keep it easy going for the kids sake. Maybe make plans to go to a park or a walk or whatever you want after so they can't stay too long!

You want to tire the kids out so they go to bed for Santa or whatever excuse you want to use!
Have a lovely Christmas

Do it for the children but feign a coming down with something headache/flu kinda thing so that you have a good excuse to get out of other stuff over the holidays.

You don't have to mention your MH though just keep the conversation light and superficial

How was the journey?
All ready for Christmas?
Let me pop the kettle on whilst you sit with the DC, DC why don't you show X your ___.
How is (random relative) have you heard from them?

When they ask how you've been and how work is deflect and turn it back on them to do the talking.
"Oh it's great Ive been fortunate enough to have some time off and saw DC as in the Nativity which was lovely and we've been to _ / spent a lovely day doing _.
Did your DC do anything nice at school for christmas"

Totally get where you are coming from.

could you make yourself busy doing an errand or go for a walk? I hate it too x

I’m so glad it’s not just me. Just want to get to January.

I get it…

My advice is just ask them lots of questions it’s really is the easiest way. And deflect

SIL “how are you?”

You
“I’m fine. How was the traffic? It was awful yesterday?”
”I'm fine usual coughs and colds. Are you going to a Panto this year?”
“I'm good. <turn to nieces> did you write your letters to Santa?”
“I’m fine. Let me get your gifts… I got some nice mince pies from M&S shall I get you one with your tea? Have you got everything wrapped now?”

SIL “how’s work?”
you “oh i’m just thinking about Christmas. So much to do! The kids are going to X on Y. Kids tell aunty all about X.”

This would have been my advice years ago. But now I just think why not just be honest and tell them you don’t want to and just want to have a quiet Christmas at home with your DP and the children? It sounds like you have been through a lot this year and deserve some time to unwind with our the stress of playing host to a bunch of people who aren’t very nice. If they’ve bought presents for the kids then send your husband round to mils for an afternoon. Why should you have to lie and make up excuses? Just be true to yourself and if they’ve bought presents want to judge you for it then that’s their hard luck.

Just fake it for the kids if you can. If not tell your DH to deal with it all and take to your bed with "flu". Pointless trying to elicit sympathy from people who don't get it but neither do I think an ill parent (mentally or physically) means kids should miss out on seeing relatives at Xmas.