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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be blatantly ignored when saying hello?? Rude???

40 replies

MyLimeGuide · 23/12/2024 08:49

Hello everyone, I'm hoping for some advice for an issue some might say is irrelevant but I have always had anxiety and these things really get to me.

So back story, I have 2 sisters and a brother, we're all in our 40s we have wonderful parents and have always been close. Older sister has a boyfriend who is horrible and controlling, he has ruined endless family events and a holiday to France which my dad paid for - he basically hates me and targets me, a result from me defending my sister years ago when he was unbelievably vile to her (she almost left him and now he sees me as a threat) anyway, I recently had a Christmas party for family and I thought by inviting him it would be a sort of olive branch (I don't want to cause grief for my sister) so he arrived 2 hours late, when I opened the door to anxiously greet him he just walked straight past me and ignored me. He then goes on to say hello/hug the rest of the family. He only stayed for a little bit and refused to let my sister stay on (despite her asking him if she could stay) he doesn't want her spending time with us unless he's there! He has ruined family situations for me and the rest of my family just get fed up of my anxiety when I get upset about his actions. He is so passive aggressive to me all the time in a sneaky way, any advice?

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OneLemonPanda · 23/12/2024 08:52

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OneLemonPanda · 23/12/2024 08:53

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LL99887 · 23/12/2024 08:56

Be proud of yourself that you stood up to his bullying, and he now sees you as a threat. It appears the rest of your family are under his spell, but he knows you "see him"

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 23/12/2024 08:57

Tell your sister when she's ready to leave him you'll always be there to welcome her with opening arms, a spare bedroom/sofa and a shoulder to cry on for as long as she needs.

Then don't invite him to anything else. Stand up for yourself, show your sister that the world doesn't have to bow down to him. There's no way anyone pushes past me in that situation, in my own house, and ignores me. He'd be getting escorted straight back out never to return. Bullies respond to perceived weakness, he'd be quickly understanding I am not one to be railroaded.

HeyItsPickleRick · 23/12/2024 08:58

Agree with @FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant here. Tell her you love her and will be there but don’t need to put up with that. She will always be welcome however should she like to attend alone.

MyLimeGuide · 23/12/2024 09:02

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My sister is mega passive and ignores it all she didn't defend mum last Christmas day when he was so rude to her, she just wants a quiet life. The rest of my family overall despite him but just want a quiet life so they let it all go (at my expense)

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hideawayforever · 23/12/2024 09:03

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 23/12/2024 08:57

Tell your sister when she's ready to leave him you'll always be there to welcome her with opening arms, a spare bedroom/sofa and a shoulder to cry on for as long as she needs.

Then don't invite him to anything else. Stand up for yourself, show your sister that the world doesn't have to bow down to him. There's no way anyone pushes past me in that situation, in my own house, and ignores me. He'd be getting escorted straight back out never to return. Bullies respond to perceived weakness, he'd be quickly understanding I am not one to be railroaded.

definitely this. he's a nasty bully.

MyLimeGuide · 23/12/2024 09:03

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 23/12/2024 08:57

Tell your sister when she's ready to leave him you'll always be there to welcome her with opening arms, a spare bedroom/sofa and a shoulder to cry on for as long as she needs.

Then don't invite him to anything else. Stand up for yourself, show your sister that the world doesn't have to bow down to him. There's no way anyone pushes past me in that situation, in my own house, and ignores me. He'd be getting escorted straight back out never to return. Bullies respond to perceived weakness, he'd be quickly understanding I am not one to be railroaded.

Yes 100% agreed the problem is if I did this my family would say I'm trouble making and I should just accept him as Andrea loves him

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MyLimeGuide · 23/12/2024 09:04

LL99887 · 23/12/2024 08:56

Be proud of yourself that you stood up to his bullying, and he now sees you as a threat. It appears the rest of your family are under his spell, but he knows you "see him"

Yes! I just wanted to check I'm not being an anxious idiot!! Like my family are implying

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MyLimeGuide · 23/12/2024 09:05

They have no children

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FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 23/12/2024 09:08

MyLimeGuide · 23/12/2024 09:03

Yes 100% agreed the problem is if I did this my family would say I'm trouble making and I should just accept him as Andrea loves him

Then tell your family they can welcome him into their home but he isn't welcome in yours.

MyLimeGuide · 23/12/2024 09:10

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 23/12/2024 09:08

Then tell your family they can welcome him into their home but he isn't welcome in yours.

Yes I'm going to 100% do this, thankyou :-)

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OneBusyPlayer · 23/12/2024 09:11

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OneBusyPlayer · 23/12/2024 09:12

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OneBusyPlayer · 23/12/2024 09:13

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MyLimeGuide · 23/12/2024 09:15

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Yes they will but I'll do it anyway- for my own peace

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MyLimeGuide · 23/12/2024 09:17

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I have one son a 5 year old, just broken up from the father another long history of toxicity that i finally got rid of!!!

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MyLimeGuide · 23/12/2024 09:19

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I know, all families have their issues, Yes they are not great about this...

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Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 23/12/2024 09:20

Sometimes it's important be be "trouble making".

Awful people should never be pandered to.

MyLimeGuide · 23/12/2024 09:21

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 23/12/2024 09:20

Sometimes it's important be be "trouble making".

Awful people should never be pandered to.

Thankyou

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OneBusyPlayer · 23/12/2024 09:23

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Mmhmmn · 23/12/2024 09:25

FriendlyNeighbourhoodAccountant · 23/12/2024 08:57

Tell your sister when she's ready to leave him you'll always be there to welcome her with opening arms, a spare bedroom/sofa and a shoulder to cry on for as long as she needs.

Then don't invite him to anything else. Stand up for yourself, show your sister that the world doesn't have to bow down to him. There's no way anyone pushes past me in that situation, in my own house, and ignores me. He'd be getting escorted straight back out never to return. Bullies respond to perceived weakness, he'd be quickly understanding I am not one to be railroaded.

This.
Don't leave your sister in any doubt that you are all there for her, and that he’s an arsehole who isn’t fit to lick her boots. If he was vile to her before he’ll still be vile now.

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