What do I do?

[OneBrightAzureBiscuit]

hi,
just needed to vent and get some advice really if possible….
so for background, I have BPD & childhood trauma. The BPD used to be very explosive and extremely dangerous but it has mellowed out recently over the past year or so. I am functioning quite a lot better now and know how to cope a lot more now. However, relationships have always been a tricky subject for me in my life. I have a boyfriend and a close friend, I like to keep my circle very close and I believe in quality people. It took a long time to build these genuine relationships and I’m very selective who I let in my life because of so much trauma with failed friendships, especially close friends I loved moving onto “better” people they preferred and leaving me in the dust , just cutting me off completely.

anyways, I have an old friend I know from school who kept contacting me, it would be lovely to see that she would message me sometimes with a simple text. Sounds normal so far right?
I finally decided to open myself up and talk to her tonight and I saw that she had posted pictures on social media with another girl and plastered it with sentences such as “‘my best friend” & “besties forever”. All of a sudden I stopped wanting to talk to her and felt extremely put out because I felt well she has a best friend who she probably prefers what’s the point of building a friendship if she prefers her? This sounds so childish and I may get abuse for this but it’s how my mind works and I’m really struggling , I’m wondering if anyone else gets like this? I did push my feelings aside and keep chatting to her but I always always feel now that she has her friend and doesn’t really need me. I’m so used to people leaving me in the dust for others.
what do I do? And do other people get like this? I don’t think anyone understands and I always isolate myself because of this

It sounds like your trauma talking. It's ok for people to have more than 1 friend. Having a second, third, fourth, or twenty-ninth friend isn't a betrayal of friend #1, and being friend #2, #3, or #29 doesn't make you a bad person. It's all OK.

I'd try to open yourself up to being friends with more people OP. They don't have to be your best friends, but you're limiting yourself in having nice contact with others.

I mean I'm friendly with folk from work but I don't class them as more than that, and if we lost contact due to me/them moving job it'd not be the end of the world. But it's useful to have a larger social circle at times as it means you're not isolated.

I do have BPD too and I totally get what you mean.
Have you done CBT? It really helped me to differentiate between feelings and facts and to doublecheck if those feelings are valid. Maybe talk it through with your therapist.
What would you think if the shoe was on the other foot? If she thought you already have a close friend so you wouldn't need her?

You are very aware that this is not a healthy pattern of thinking which is a very good sign. Now you need to work through these thoughts - CBT is very helpful here.
You said you already have one close friend and you are now looking to expand your circle. This obviously doesn't mean that the friend you already have is now irrelevant or that the new friend is because you already have one. People have more than one friend, usually. I also have multiple "best friends" although I appreciate it is an oxymoron. I have my "best friend" who is a school friend I've known for 30 years. She lives abroad and we meet once a year and sometimes go on holidays together. She knows me inside out and we've been through a lot and always pick up the conversation exactly where we left off. I have my "best friend" who used to be my housemate in London. Fabulous person who is always on the other end of a line when I need him. I also have a new work friend who became very dear to me in the last 3 years and who helped me massively with time and reassurance when I was going through a painful breakup and I do the same for her when she has a wobble. We are good supportive friends. She is not yet in the "best friend" category but I am sure she will be eventually as our connection grows stronger over the years.
I also have 5-6 "just friends" who are fun to hang out with but maybe the conversations don't go so deep as with my "best friend circle".
Every one of them is on my team. Every one of them is treasured.

I know exactly how you feel OP. Also have BPD and just feels like no one can possibly understand. It’s such a cruel disease because other people can’t see it and often you can’t control it so they just think you’re being over sensitive and a burden or worse, a massive pain in the ass. I’ve had some of my closest friends (and my partner) move onto better people. Even some of my family have started to distance themselves. Even supposedly “woke” people who think they’re totally onboard with MH and understand just don’t. It’s heartbreaking and beyond frustrating. If you ever want to talk about I’d also love to have someone to talk/vent to about this cruel disease. Pls DM me if you fancy chatting

Hi, I have different relationships and variety is key for me. I don’t prefer friend number 1 over 2, 3 or 4 and like seeing a variety of people. I find it more interesting.