To compare myself to my friend as a mum?

[TwinklySparkly]

We are both single parents but I have one DD who is 5. She has 2, age 6 and 3 and baby. She hasn’t worked since her oldest was born as she gets pregnant with their dad but then they separate. I keep finding it hard not to compare. She is constantly posting days out with the children. They are always somewhere and by this I mean a place that is fairly expensive to get into. I work and can’t always afford this. They had a load of presents on the 1st December, usually what would be on Christmas Eve like Christmas pyjama but also loads of sweets and chocolates and even toys, loads of presents wrapped for them to open before even Christmas Day ones. Massive blow up Christmas character balloons in the living room which are not cheap. It looks lovely and it’s lovely for the DC of course but I compare myself as I can’t always afford extra things like that. I might sound jealous but it just makes me compare as it’s not realistic to me and I am working and only have the one DC. Aibu?

Who knows? Who cares?

Just focus on you and your doing your best for your dc.

Do not ever spend time comparing or thinking about what other people are doing.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I don't think it sounds that lovely. Kinda tacky to do all that crap on 1st December and post it online. Just enjoy quality time with your DD.

She could be in debt
She could be only eating once a day to afford these things
Family or friends might pay for some days outs etc

Unless she tells you absolutely everything, you just don't know.

I think that as a single non-working mother to two young children she’s in a very vulnerable position. I don’t think she’s at all enviable.

I don't think comparing will do you any good at all tbh.

I did used to do the Christmas Eve type giftware on the 1st of December though for years. If I'm buying them elf PJs or anything Christmas themed I want them to enjoy it for the whole of the run up to Christmas as well as the holidays.
I don't post it anywhere, do a crazy breakfast or anything but getting some stuff for the season makes sense to me.

She could have a magic money tree or she could just be really really good with the internet and money

I was once told I took my dc on expensive outings and we ate out a lot
However the expensive outings were a lot of the time free or bought through annual memberships paid for by Tesco Clubcard
Eating out was done again by voucher or I would look for new places to eat that were relatively cheap and Tap water is£0 and if you know where to look there are still places today we know of where you can get a free cappuccino and soft drinks. You just have to think outside the box

Dd and ds had some lovely designer clothes mixed in with the primarni . All bought 2nd hand on ebay
Christmas PJs are not a waste

Look on Wowcher for stuff . You will be surprised at what you can get

You’re being unreasonable to compare. You never know what’s going on in people’s lives.

I see your point OP but if it continues to frustrate you , you’d best go your separate ways. Either accept it or end the friendship. We don’t know where she’s getting the money from but the fact is generally speaking some people do exploit the system.

I had a friend who had multiple kids from age 20 and was on full benefits until she was 32 which was when her youngest started school and she had a year to find work before they cut her benefits.

Even now her kids are in secondary she still only works part time (less than 20 hours) and moans about it.

She’s hardly living a life of luxury but she isn’t doing bad either - has always had a lot of government support to cover the basics whereas others have to work for everything.

In the end her entitled attitude to a lot of things annoyed me for example - constantly arguing with teachers and never accepting her children are wrong even when they were rude or violent to teachers plus moaning her sister (who works full time) wasn’t babysitting enough! So I decided it wasn’t fair on either of us considering the way I felt about her and I cut ties with her.

None of that sounds particularly lovely to me. It sounds needlessly expensive. I love Christmas a lot, but the 1st of December doesn't require a stash of balloons and all of that crap. And presents? What's the point if they're going to be having Christmas soon? I'd think that'd take away from the fun.

Much rather get out some craft stuff and make some winter decorations, do some baking, and get them excited that way. Beside the point I suppose, but it also sounds very much like it's for social media.

If she's not working then she's either very good with money or going into debt to do it. No point focusing on it though, it's her life and not yours. Would you even want to do half of these things?

Sounds like my sister. My parents paid for nearly all her children's clothes and gifts.

I think some people see others do this stuff on social media, so they feel they have to compete and post every single thing they do. This just creates a cycle of wasted money and overwhelmed kids. I have a friend who has serious FOMO. Has to do everything and has to have everything and it’s all posted on sm. All because she saw someone else posting it on facebook. I don’t post on facebook and she gets upset if I take my kids to something and don’t invite her, as her kids missed out. But if I invite her to something her kids make the day miserable. Nothing is special for them. If I look at her Facebook page Christmas Day she will have a photo of her Christmas tree with at least 100 gifts under it, then a photo of every single present being opened. She ends up selling most of the toys down the track on marketplace.
So don’t feel jealous, be glad you don’t try to keep up with the jonses.

It doesn’t sound like you’re comparing. It sounds like you’re judging.

Are you also envious of her debts?

Comparison is the theft of joy! So you are unreasonable for doing that to yourself.

As for days out I know a lot of people will ask for annual passes etc for their kids for presents rather than a physical present. You can normally get really good deals if you buy at the right time.

Balloon arches and character balloons ect you can do yourself with a trip to the pound shop and a card shop for about £10, I think even shein do a DIY balloon arch for pennies.

She might be banging everything on credit or not paying her day to day bills.
You can't really make judgement without knowing the bigger picture tbh.

Ahh lovely a Christmas benefits bashing post to remind us what scum they are 🙄

Don't worry about other people situation focus on your own. If you can stop you have a few options-

1, ask for tips
2, stop being friends
3, unfollow/mute on sm

Comparison is the thief of joy.

you do you - what you can afford, what gives you and your kid pleasure - let her do her thing and don’t waste energy in jealousy or envy.