"I don't usually play with other children."

[TartanTime]

I was at the local organic grocery store with my husband and daughter yesterday. The store has a cafe and play area for children. We get lunch after shopping most times we go, so we sit and eat lunch and our 3 year old daughter plays a bit. There are usually a couple children she finds to play with.

Yesterday, there were 4 children playing in the play area. I've taught my daughter to go ask the other children if she join in playing, so she did. The 4 children started to walk away when they noticed my daughter approaching. My daughter, being only 3, followed the children to their table (directly next to the play area). She asked one of the children if they would like to play, and the girl got an absolutely panicked look on her face and said "um, I don't usually play with other children."

I was sort of in shock, not because my daughter was being "rejected", but that the little girl seemed so panicked. I was just going to redirect my daughter when the mother came to the table and said it was fine if they played.

I had a conversation with the mother (unbeknownst to me) in the store earlier, and she was fairly friendly - albeit very weird. She had sunglasses on and would not take them off, even later in the cafe when we were speaking directly to each other in a quieter setting.

I ended up exchanging contact information with the mother, for playdates or what not... which now I am questioning after ruminating on the interaction with the little girl all night. I don't know if I actually want to be friends with / have my daughter play with this family. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable by judging them in this way, but I don't even really know what to make of this interaction. I don't even know what I am judging them on - weird facial expressions and reactions to a seemingly harmless question by a child?

Input?

Background - I'm American and this took place in the US. This type of thing is NOT common here.

If the mother swapped numbers to arrange play dates then it sounds like her children do play with others.

I wear prescription glasses and have been known to keep my prescription sun glasses on inside because I’ve forgotten I’m not just wearing my regular glasses.

Sunglasses could be totally benign, such as for a medical condition. Or she could be hiding bloodshot eyes or domestic abuse. Impossible to know. Or she could just be odd.

The child could be extremely shy and panicked being approached. She could be autistic, for example. It doesn’t have to be sinister.

Phew- at least it was an organic store.

Sounds like the kid is very aware of stranger danger and needed her mum to say it was okay first. Sunglasses are probs an either hiding something she’s self conscious of, or connected to a medical condition. I wear sunglasses a lot, I’m very light sensitive and get loads of headaches. Neither thing would put me off getting together with this family.

If you were in the non-organic grocery store, it may have been completely different. I'm glad you let us know that the store you were in was organic, so we could form our responses correctly.

The mother might be wearing sun glasses because of sensory issues due to ASD and that might be why the daughter was so thrown by being asked to play as it tends to run in families. It might also be why the mother came across as a bit odd. On the other hand they may all be in cult and you're now their next target, hopefully not though 😂.

I think you’re being too pushy. Let your daughter navigate socialising at her own pace. Sorry just my opinion.

Wow, this is all rather intense! No pun intended, but I prefer to let my children interact with others organically. I certainly wouldn’t be telling them what to say.

How do you know she was panicked? That seems quite extreme.

My dd is quite introverted and if a child she'd never met before came up and asked her to play, she would probably pause for thought and then say something like that because it's politer than "I don't want to play with you". It might appear as though she were panicking but really she's just thinking through the "right" way to reject the other kid.

Quite a lot of children don't warm up and immediately play together with a child they've never met before.

And that's fine. Just like if an adult were to march up to a stranger and start making small talk - not everyone is up for that

Sunglasses could be for medical reasons like Bono or for sensory reasons.

Little girl might have meant she didn't normally play with other people at the cafe. Or perhaps she's homeschooled so doesn't play with other little ones at the moment.

Who knows, they seemed nice, judge less and keep the play dates at somewhere neutral for now.

I’m glad this took place in an organic grocery store

It's also perhaps an only child vs siblings thing. My introvert dd would usually prefer to play with her baby brother than a child she's just met.

That child your dd spoke to, has three playmates there already. If she's an introvert, she'll probably prefer to play with them

This is all a bit intense.

By the way, I don't think we have organic grocery stores with soft play areas in, in the UK. Is this common in the US? 🤯

I don't know if it's the done thing in America but I think it's weird to force your child to ask kids if she can play with them. I imagine this question is what 'panicked' the child as it's quite awkward.

Meanwhile millions of kids just join in and play together without such formalities.

We probably call them a farm shop.

In some countries they have those flintstone type plastic buggies for kids to tootle in while you shop.

The uk is so behind in supermarket entertainment facilities for toddlers!

Imaging it was Asda!
Untouchables!!
😱😱😱😱

I see!! Makes sense now! 😜

It wasn't soft play. It was a play area for kids in a cafe. It was probably just a corner of the room with some toys.

DD would say this. She is autistic. I'm not autistic myself but it does sometimes make situations around kids and playing and other parents a bit weird to navigate so that's why she might have seemed a bit off.

It does sound like you are a little bit precious around feeling like your daughter was rejected, I don't think most people would give this much thought at all.