MIL diet culture driving me insane!

[Bitesize89]

AIBU my mil is so thin, I think she has an eating disorder. I don't say this lightly as someone who gre up with my best childhood friend being severely anorexic and having to be hospitalized several times I get really triggered by my husband's family attitude towards food. Tbh it never really bothered me until recently when I gave birth to DD and started thinking about how this would affect her growing up. I'm also just fed up as every time I see them it seems to crop up in a conversation. DH dads is a retired GP and clearly has strong opinions about overweight people. I don't care how people live their lives but it really grates me every time we see them they go on and on about portion sizes at meals, they even did it at Christmas last year and gave everyone tiny portions and said it was good for us. MIL talks about her weight, other people's weight and obesity and portion sizes and calories every time I see them. Honestly irritates me so much I can't take it anymore. Makes me want to gorge just to annoys her.

My mum is like this. It’s draining.

She spent my childhood telling me I was fat/had big hips/a big bum/full cheeks. I always thought I was a rotund child but looking back I was a perfectly average size.

She comments on the size of every woman she sees. When she’s telling me about a woman she’s met the first thing I’ll know is what size they are.

She’s backed off about my weight now and we mostly get on. However, if DS was a DD I’d probably have to have gone NC.

I wouldn't want my child to he hearing this sort of talk.
It's not healthy .

My MIL is tall about 5ft 9 or 10 and thin, I’m a size 10 and 5ft 5, I weigh around 9.5 stone, apparently I’m ‘very stocky’. To be honest many people are really overweight but I’m not though she clearly thinks I’m too chubby. She has an incredibly restricted diet as well won’t touch cheese, pasta, rice, bread, biscuits, cake, chocolate, alcohol. When the cheeseboard comes out at Christmas and we buy a lot of cheese without fail she says oh I can't have that it gives me spots. As DH says his Mother isn’t here for a good time she is here for a long time.

My MIL is the same. But she tries to get everyone else to eat more than her. I just laugh it off, but I can see how this kind of thing might not be so easy for a youngster, I would try and avoid as much as possible. You can't change them, it gets ingrained.

they even did it at Christmas last year and gave everyone tiny portions

that is not good, I would avoid going there then. difficult.

It's not healthy to expose your son to this chat either.

She doesn’t say anything to him about it.

Men’s weight doesn’t count for some reason.

If I had a DD I’d worry she’d comment on the DD’s weight the way she did to me.

I would say something like, "I appreciate being a lower weight is often better for your health (not always as some who lift weight etc are classed as morbidly obese despite being about 5% body fat) but don't you find it utterly exhausting just talking about weight and portion sizes all the time? It could be construed as preaching at people and trying to control what they have when they are grown adults capable of making their own decisions. I would much rather hear about any interesting hobbies you have maybe started lately or any fun days or evenings out you have had?"

I’m convinced my disordered eating (morbidly obese for most of my adult life, finally almost ‘normal’) is down to mother’s endless comments on my weight. I would not like a child to hear the comments and think it was normal. Are you going there for Christmas again? I admit I just wouldn’t want to with that kind of pursed lip style comments/attitude.

Your husband needs to speak to them. Something along the lines of “if we hear you talk about diet or weight loss again or you try to control our portion sizes, you won’t be seeing my wife or child anymore”.

He'll still pick up the idea that any woman with an ounce of excess fat is less worthy.

Make sure you are never around her for a mealtime.... Refuse to visit if necessary...

I’m experiencing something very similar @Bitesize89. My MIL has incredibly disordered eating. Being at the same table as her is a trial. And she will comment on others’ eating and size, especially DH’s, and can be very cruel.

We also have a DD now, and tbh it worries me a lot that she’ll pick up on her grandma’s horrible attitude to food. Plus I don’t want either that MIL eventually turns on her, nor that DD hears MIL’s awful comments about family members’ eating, especially DH.

During her last visit I snapped and told her to
stop laying into DH about his ‘gross’ appetite and massive size (he’s not) and that we didn’t need any more commentary on anyone’s eating. At first, she thought I was joking! When she realised I wasn’t, there was deathly silence for about 5 minutes. She had a face like thunder for the whole rest of the visit - thankfully they left the morning after our ‘conversation’. Let’s see how things play out for now onwards… but she knows I have her number.

Your child will take their eating cues from you, @Bitesize89 and your DH, not her GPs.

If they ever say anything about your DD, shut them down. Out of DD's hearing tell them you don't want her hearing this drivel and if they can't pipe down, stay away.

I vowed I would never mention weight or diets in front of my DD and never did.

Presumably though he hears the incessant commentary on women's bodies? That's not healthy for him either and any future relationships he may have. Nor the message that men seem to be above criticism.

My mum is a bit like this. She doesn’t say anything to me but makes little comments and side looks. It’s so so so tedious.

Not a scrap of fat on her but such an unpleasant personality.