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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends needing attention from men on night out

14 replies

Ontobetterthings · 22/12/2024 17:28

I've got a couple of good friends. Whenever we go out they need to have attention from men despite both being married. Myself as well.

We went out this week the 3 of us. I was at the end of a long table and both became engrossed in conversations with random men in this social club. I was completely ignored as then men were in the middle of this long table. 20 mins must have passed and I was sat there. The music was loud so I couldn't join in.

Then when we went to the bar a couple of friends of my husband came over to chat. They tried to dominate the conversation and telling them my age. I'm a few years older. Then we left and they were saying the husband friends fancied them. They did this last time we went out as a 3. I'm completely over it as I'm a busy mum and thought whats the point in being there. It was supposed to be a girls night out. It happens everytime. Any old bloke comes over and that's it poof might as well not be there. Aibu?

OP posts:
NooNakedJacuzziness · 22/12/2024 17:38

I've got a couple of friends like this too - always eyeing up the waiters/bar staff. Luckily the rest of us can just roll our eyes and talk to each other, must be frustrating if you're basically ignored though.

Mumlaplomb · 22/12/2024 17:39

They sound very desperado to me !

SharpOpalNewt · 22/12/2024 17:39

YANBU. They sound tiresome.

DerekFaker · 22/12/2024 17:41

I hated this when I was a teenager. I woulf have absolutely no patience for it now!

Tittat50 · 22/12/2024 17:52

Oh no, I'd find this unbearable. Maybe a meal or lunch time catch up is a better idea - that's if they have any redeeming features.

Original poster
Ontobetterthings · 22/12/2024 18:24

Yeah they try to be best friends or get attention from any man that's out. At one point I had my friend with her back to me. Think I'm done going out with them as a 3. Can't catch up cos some random man needs all their attention even though they are married

OP posts:
MumOfOneAllAlone · 22/12/2024 18:37

DerekFaker · 22/12/2024 17:41

I hated this when I was a teenager. I woulf have absolutely no patience for it now!

Yeah, this. I was the friend that was left out as a teen. Now, I'd be cutting these people off, but that is just me

I'd tell them about their behaviour and say you want to meet up for brunch or coffee instead

EvieR · 22/12/2024 18:39

I've had this.

Not much advice! It soon stopped when they had boyfriends and grew out of it. Now they really are just girls nights.

Cudz · 22/12/2024 18:45

I used to have a friend just like this. Always putting updates on Facebook about her happy marriage and amazing husband and then on every girls night out she's off dancing with men and I saw her kiss a few too. Hence why I say 'used to' have a friend. I can't be bothered with being left alone on nights out while shes off with randoms or just being used as a reason to go out so she could meet men so I've distanced myself from it all. If that's what they want to do then that's fine but I just don't want to be part of it.

Drearycommuter · 22/12/2024 19:02

I had the same from a friend when I was in my 20s and that was tedious then. V boring now. Although I’m hard pushed to find anyone who wants to go to bars these days!

Plastictrees · 22/12/2024 19:07

I really have no time for people who need constant external validation like this, it’s annoying and tedious. This will not be a long term fix for their poor self esteem. Honestly in your position I would be seeking other friends.

Some of my best memories were nights out in my teenage years / twenties with girl friends, just having fun and not focusing on men at all. In fact men ‘sharking’ tended to hinder our nights!

MargaretThursday · 22/12/2024 19:08

Goodness this reminds me of being a student and one girl who was involved in one of the societies I was in. Going to the pub or similar resulted in exactly the same conversation on loop.

"Oh no! There's Steve. He fancies me and I really don't want him to see me. Can you hide me? See he's looking this way. I know he's going to come over. Please don't let him speak to me as it's soooo embarrassing...."
Steve walks past chatting to his friends.
Friend stands up. "Hi Steve!"
Him: "Hi Sara!"
He leaves.
Two minutes later:
"Oh no! there's Chris. He fancies me and...."

Never saw any inclination that any of them regarded her as anything more than a casual acquaintance.
Agh!

arcticpandas · 22/12/2024 19:08

I used to be a bit like that when I was a teenager. Feel sorry for these ladies OP because they are deeply insecure. I wouldn't go out with them anymore.

username299 · 22/12/2024 19:10

Don't go out with people who treat you like that.

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