Cousins kids always around different men! Big fall out!

[pillowspider]

I'm a single mum and so is my cousin due to this we made a team and did things together Christmas markets film nights zoos etc.

Anyway my cousin is completly unable to be a lone and due to this moves mwn in very fast in fact had a absuive relationship which ended up in her son getting kicked in the back by a grown man and social service involoent.

Anyway In the last few weeks she has sent me picture of her daughter and son both under 5 sat on at least 2 men's lap whilst watching tv. One man was even reading the children a bed time story.

I mentioned to her that you don't want to normalise having lots of intense relationships for her daughter of her son being around anuse.

She accused me of bein jelous as I have my children 24/7 (she gets Friday-Sunday off) so I don't meet people. But she isn't meeeting them when she is child free it's with them around so I don't know if her argument stands. I really like her bout I feel like her view on this is so wrong and I'm actually concerend for the children.
AIBU should I have not said something? Should I just walk away from being as close or should I try and get her to see my point? Thank you

I'd have to cut her off for my own sanity, sorry. I'd end up losing it with her, and I'm generally quite chill.

Im a single mum too. My dd is only 5 so there is a way to go, and i try hard not to judge.

But she's very wrong. Kids can thrive with a single mum but she has to be strong and sane. And that means saying no to things for the sake of your kids.

Bringing any man around your kids (and around a daughter) is monumentally stupid. Predators know exactly what they're doing and love a vulnerable single mum to facilitate their crimes.

If she hasn't learned her lesson from a man kicking her son, she's far gone.

I'd tell her straight, that her choices are harming her children and so you can no longer be friends with her.

Thank you that’s exactly where I am I really love her and understand the loneliness but it’s her reasons of “they are just socialising” which made me worried as she isn’t stupid and knows single mums are preyed on she also has time to herself she can date or whatever so no reason for them to be around the men which she sees as “healing there relationships with men”

'Healing their relationships with men' wow she's not a serious person

You can only help people up to a point. If you've stayed her friend through the last stupid man, you can do no more

I get that she's been through hell but she is the adult now and needs to take responsibility.

If she has every weekend kid free then there is no way any strangers need to be around her kids!! Beyond stupid!!
Her poor kids!

This was my anger I think because there is zero need. She is always reposting tiktoks too about scared she will die alone and seeing happy families breaks her hearts so I understand she must feel alone but after watching a man assukt her child (he had a foot print in his back with the force) I fully can't understand how selfish. I think I will cut her off or distance myself just a shame as she is such a great friend just can't separate her parenting to her lonlieness

Sitting her child on the knees of random blokes she's known 5 minutes is monumentally stupid.

This is something I'd be raising with social services tbh, these things can end really badly for children.

In this situation I would back away from telling her your point of view, it is obvious she doesn't want to listen, I wouldn't cut her off completely, those children need someone, she has already been with a man who was abusive to her young son who knows who else she will bring into their lives, keep an eye from a distance.

Really upsetting for you, I am sure. Can you let the children’s school know? If her son has already been hurt by a past man she brought into their home 😭 then I would let social services know immediately.

Well done for looking out for the children, it’s tragic that the one person in the world who should be protecting these children seems incapable of doing so.

She has them involved but they recently closed the cases I worry as a victim of SA myself and abuse about two boys normalising this when they get older. I would never say that in real life but in a world where we need to raise boys to treat girls better I do have concerns

I don't even think she sees it as the issue honestly I know she loves them and would do anything for them but I e believe as a victim herself she is easily gaslight and one man probably said to her no let me come round it will royalist good men and now that's how she's viewing it. I'm just so concerend as when I raised it to her she was so offended and told me her children have a good social life. I was honestly shocked that's meant to be with other 2 year olds not 30 year old men !

I'm a single mum too. I cannot understand how she can have a near stranger in her kids home after this. There's no excuse since she has enough kid free time to develop a relationship to a place where if would be safe and appropriate to have her kids meet them. It sounds like she's trying to instantly create a family, not just a relationship. Any man who's comfortable moving this fast is not going to be a decent person. Let alone having their new girlfriend's kids sat on their lap watching TV. My kids would be extremely uncomfortable with that and understandably so. That feels really wrong.

That's how I feel after I believe she fully knows that single mums are hand picked by abusers due to how easy to isolate and abuse is so it's very worrying I I love her as we are family grown up together but I can't stand by her with this after watching her son (my younger cousin/nephew as I view him) getting cinfused she will say their behaviour is so bad towards Christmas and I was saying it might be the new people around and there is just 0 getting through. I know an old friend has previously reported in the past the amount of men as this is not new however it did stop after the abuse and only begin again recently.

Thank you for all your reply's im a single mum and it can be extremely lonely and hard sometimes and I did wonder if I was jelous a bit as she said but writing it out here I can see actually there is a lot of truth to what I am saying and it's from the place of care I originally found it from. She makes TikTok's advocating for ending domestic violence and has a Facebook page dedicated to it too and I just think how are you this stupid sometimes.

We all know abuse isn't instant too and some cases can take years to show that's not to say never date incase but at least have the opportunity for some red flags to show. And do it when they aren't there or when they are in bed if you really must. But she has Monday and Thursday after nursery off till 7:30 and Friday Sunday so there is no reason for a man to be there on a Tuesday and Wednesday and I'm so glad I have seen it here and understand my feelings towards it we're valid. I do love her and her two children so so much I just have to put there well-being's first

An under 5 child on a strange man's lap? I would already have contacted social services.

You might want to tell her straight that she could lose her children if school finds out.

Have you pointed out to her that it's possible to have a relationship without the man moving in with her. She could also fall prey to cocklodgers as well as abusers.

Another one to say that I'd be informing Social Services, you can do this anonymously if you wish, this is really worrying. I'd also be suggesting to her that does Claires Law checks on the people that she brings around her children (you can also do this if you know names/addresses)

I'm a single mum too and I never dated while my DS was little, didn't really have the energy and I would have been wary of the type of men who actively want to go out with lone mothers. I dated a bit when he was a teen, but never introduced them to him, I dated in the weekends he was with his Dad.

I think your cousin is being very selfish, she needs to put her kids first and not wallow about being alone in her old age. She can go out at weekends, or she can wait till the kids are late teens and so can meet random men without her kids having to be involved.

As their Dad is seeing them a lot I suspect that he won't be happy to find his ex is playing happy families with random men.

The dad is getting marrried in a few months which is what I believed triggered all this however unfortunately he's starting to look like the more settled parent which I have also told her she can't help once abusive relationship but to not learn from it has really hurt me to see my nephews and how proud she is of it all

She's fully awear of Claire's law but her abusive ex had nothing on his so she doesn't really believe it also one of the guys was on tag so I feel it would make 0 difference 😡