Feel guilty about Christmas

[Khatt]

So I ended my marriage around 5 months ago and since then my finances have been a bit tight. I have managed to pick up everything my DS has asked for Christmas but I only have £50 to last me until Friday. We are going to my parents for Christmas dinner so that is sorted but when I see people constantly doing nice things which I can’t afford I can’t help but feel guilty. DS has gone to see Santa today with his dad but I felt like the last few days we have only been to the park/walks etc.

They really do recall the small things. Have a hot choc cuddled in bed. Let him stay up a bit later and watch a Christmas film, go and see the lights that all on around you. :)

Youve got him what he asked for, you've got a lovely dinner with your parents. Enjoy it :) sounds like you're doing fab.

Thank you. Usually I go out and do a bit Christmas food shop which I love doing but I can’t afford it this year. Everything is so expensive

Big*

Your son will remember the times he was allowed to stay up later watching a Christmas film, board games played with the family, time off school/nursery with you not at work, fun with his grandparents. I have money, bit think the expensive stuff (breakfast with Santa, light shows, excessive present buying) is ridiculous so we don’t bother with it anyway.

Give him your presence, not your presents.

Lots of love to you

He's seen Santa, he's got presents, and he's having a Christmas dinner, what else do you think he needs this week? We aren't struggling at all but we're not aiming to do more than that this week, Christmas holidays are for chilling and enjoying the presents you got.

My abiding and favourite memory of childhood Christmases was the Christmas Eve children's service at church. Some lovely carols to sing and costs nothing.

He doesn’t need lots of expensive days out. Line up some Christmas films, get some popcorn in (big bag of kernels which you can make in a pan is cheap), some hot chocolate and have a film night, make party food, go out for a walk to see Christmas lights.

We’re not struggling and we’ve done less than you - Christmas is about staying at home and enjoying our stuff we already have and each other’s company. You’re doing a great job, you don’t need to do loads of stuff 😊

You don’t say how old your son is. Covid showed me how little kids actually need. You cud do;

• Xmas baking, make do with what you have in or buy a cheap ready mix at b and m.
• Cmas arts and crafts / colouring or painting from what you have in or again cheap xmas activity pack from b and m.
• night time walk to see xmas lights with a home made hot chocolate.
• xmas sleep over. I use to do teepees but now mine just Chuck mattresses on the floor and it’s already xmassy with regular decorations.
• board games.

Can you bring left overs home, raid your parents cupboards for a few extra treats!

We never really had special or extra food in at Xmas. My Mum always treated it as just one meal…

How old is your DS? When I was little, a few presents, a nice lunch on Xmas day itself, a moderate amount of alcohol for the grown-ups and The Wizard of Oz on the TV was the norm for many families. OK, I grant you that 1975 is a very long time ago, but since then, Christmas has grown into a bloated monster. It lasts for about a month and if we can't keep up with a list of demands which seem to grow year on year, we'll be seen (by corporations and advertisers at least) to have failed. They want nothing more than for the idea of an elegant sufficiency to be expunged from our brains.

Ideas:

BBC iPlayer have all things Wallace and Gromit related, and Shaun the Sheep, available for streaming. That won't cost you anything (assuming your TV licence is already bought and paid for.)

Bedtime stories with a Christmas theme. Can you get to your local library?

By all means, see if your parents have any goodies they can spare. I'd be surprised if they weren't eager to help.

You're doing brilliantly by your DS. Your inability to fund all the extras says much less about you than it does about a society that assumes it's the norm when you can.

Ultimately you've given him an abuse and argument free home for Christmas. Priceless.

Thank you everyone x