To say it's OK to have a quiet Christmas?

[Spanglemum02]

Very difficult Christmas this year. My two teenagers have SEN and MH issues and because of an incident earlier in the year they can't be around each other. My DH is depressed and upset.
We're going to have a quiet Christmas this year. DH doesn't want a tree and I think it will be too painful as it reminds me of Christmases past.

My eldest child is in supported accommodation so I'll see them some time on Christmas Day. So many people are struggling, with loved ones in hospital or prison or other difficulties.

Think we all need to think of those worse off than ourselves.

Nothing wrong with a quiet Christmas ….wishing you well OP

Sending love OP

Really quiet, sad Christmas here with my lovely FIL having end of life care. Trying to keep the magic going for the children but DH and I are just so sad.

Is someone telling you it's not OK? It sounds fine if you're all fine with it.

Sounds very peaceful. Maybe find something nice to watch on TV.

I think the image of large happy families at Christmas, big tree, lots of presents, lots of good cheer is not typical.

We have a nice Christmas but we have small families on both sides and elderly relatives are dying off and not being replaced by a younger generation, so it's definitely smaller than it was.

I am sorry for your situation, difficulties do seem to be highlighted at Christmas. My DS has struggled with Christmas in the past, and was also going through a completely hideous feral stage one year which did overshadow everything else.

My only suggestion is to scale it back this year but don't compare to past ones, because future ones may look very different again 💐

Absolutely, it's okay! We love a quiet Christmas. When me and OH were little, we were dragged around all over on Christmas Day. When we had our two boys now 18 and 11, we said we would never do it to them. We see family and friends before and after the day itself, apart from MIL who comes to ours as she would be on her own otherwise - which we don't want. We have a slim line tree, stockings and a few other bits set up, but that's it. We love to spend Christmas day and Boxing Day in doors. Get up when we want, have Christmas Dinner when we want, do we want and go to bed when we want 🙂 Bliss.

Lots of good wishes OP - I hope you can all relax as much as you can, and have some nice food etc.

It's perfectly fine just to do what you want and need.

I make it a nice day but if it was just me to consider I’d happily ignore it! I think it’s a hard day for lots of people for a multitude of reasons.
It’s absolutely ok to have a quiet day!

Thanks everyone. I know it's OK really. Christmas was really special when I was little and also when the kids were little. I miss that but I know that this year won't be like that. I miss my eldest not being here though they've missed Christmas before being in hospital due MH.
@InThePassengerSeat I hope your Christmas is peaceful.

Hope things get better for your oldest child asap. Be kind to yourself, it’s a hard hard thing to have a child you’ve worried about. And it IS ok to have a quiet day. It’s not the same once kids grow up anyway !
I have lovely Xmas memories too and still have a lovely time but it comes around too quickly, it’s so commercial, so hard for some people and hard when people you love aren’t around. Once every five years would do me fine . I think I should change my name to Grinch😆

Perfectly fine. We aren’t doing Christmas this year as our 21 year old daughter passed away 6 weeks ago suddenly.

Perfectly fine to do Christmas however you wish.

I think all of the adverts showing massive families, festive cheer etc don't help people whose circumstances are not 'perfect'.

We will have a lovely time but the family is now much smaller than it was.
We have one ds who is 11 so don't have lots of children around either.

We are looking forward to time together, Christmas films etc and just being peaceful.

I hope you manage to have a nice day and see your eldest and that you, dh and youngest find some peace on Christmas day.

I'm so sorry for your loss 💐.

Of course it's fine. It's also fine to ignore Christmas altogether, if you wish. Whatever works for you - there are no rules.

Absolutely ok! Ours will be quite low key this year, my lovely BIL died earlier this year very suddenly, and he was only 26. So it’s my DP and MIL’s first Christmas without him - my BIL loved to cook and would order all the food etc so it’s been a weird one this year with us thinking of sorting that. We’re spending some of the day with my mum and some with MIL and we’re all going to make it special for my 6 year old DSS.

sending you love OP, it sounds like it has been a tough year but here’s to a hopefully peaceful Christmas 💐

So so sorry for your loss 💐🩷

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas @Spanglemum02 .
I'm sorry that your family is going through such a difficult time, I hope 2025 will be a much happier year for all of you.💐

We are having a quiet Christmas Day. I'm exhausted and I've been through so much I just want a nice dinner and a sit. I haven't even been out for drinks or to see the lights or anything this year. Boxing Day we will spend with family but they are very laid back so it will just be lovely to eat together. The thought of noise and too many people makes my heart sink.

Hugs for everyone going through a difficult time x

@InThePassengerSeat and @LoudPlumDog
Sending love to you both, so sorry for what you're going through this Christmas💐

We've always had a quiet Christmas partly due to both DCs having SN. Sadly, eldest DC died 8 years ago and was buried 4 days before Christmas, so our Christmas day is even quieter now. So you won't be the only one having a quiet day.

Also having a quiet Christmas this year. I got laid off in September, and while I landed a temp job, and then a new job reasonably quickly, we really had to watch every penny for a bit in case those things didn't happen.

We'll be going out to a restaurant on Christmas Day and seeing family either side, but it will generally just be very low key.