To not want to make this trip on Christmas Day?

[Liesmorelies]

Ex lives a 5/10 minute drive from us. Through their own choice the dc always have Christmas eve and Day with me and then Boxing day and a couple more with ex. They are teenagers and it's been this way for years though for the first few years post split I hosted ex on Christmas day.

He lives alone but sometimes spends Christmas with family in another city. When he doesn't do that he will be home alone and I have to take dc round for a couple of hours after lunch - he doesn't drive.

When we were together ex always made a big deal about not caring about Christmas and me being ridiculous about it (I'm not). Dc say he is still like this and have said there's no point going there on Christmas day as they briefly exchange gifts then go in their rooms until I pick up. However, he expects it as he thinks it's not fair he's never had them on Christmas day, despite proudly not caring about it and never doing anything to make them want to be there.

Ds don't want to upset him but would quite like me to be the one to prevent it. They could walk but he wouldn't expect that as it's around half an hour each way. It's a pain in the middle of the day and means I can't have a glass of wine or two with lunch, which I wouldn't mind but it seems pointless for them to sit in their rooms there and then be there the next day anyway.

Wibu to tell him I'm not doing it?

Tell him if he wants them there he can pay for a taxi for them to get there and back

Won't drive, doesn't care, doesn't socialise, it sounds he just wants to fuck up your day.

Why can’t they walk? Half an hour is nothing and it’s nice to have a bit of exercise on Christmas Day. They can pop over late morning (or whenever you start cooking) stay for an hour and exchange presents and that gives you 2 uninterrupted hours to cook/relax with a glass of wine. Sounds ideal to me!!

I'd just message "the kids and I aren't going to drop in on Christmas day. We are spending Christmas eve and day all at mine, and I'll drop them at yours Boxing Day morning for you all to have Christmas together then"

Why should your days have to make space for him? He has his own days

Edited as quoted wrong post.

Would you still welcome him over briefly? That way he can decide whether to come over for a brief gift exchange drinks and mince pies and then piddle off before he makes everyone too miserable. He'd have to walk which he could decide whether to bother about or not which is then on him. Although I totally get why not. Alternatively could they do some breakfast and gifts with him by being dropped off. Then while you get ready and start on the cooking and vino walk themselves back?

I'd say 'Yes Yes Yes oops I accidentally had a glass of wine or two so cant drive'. Never mind. You always hated Christmas anyway so no harm done.'

Why don’t you suggest that you drop them round mid morning and they can walk back when they are ready. You get a couple of hours to prepare lunch, kids can leave when they’ve had enough - they can use the excuse of needing to be home for lunch and the walk will take half and hour. That way, you’ve kept him happy, kids get to see their dad but you will have the rest of the day to relax and do your own thing.

It's not on the OP to facilitate this for a grown man, particularly when the kids don't really want to do it anyway.

Just say you're not driving on Xmas Day. Full stop. Let him figure it out with the kids.

A 5/10 min drive is what 25/30 mins walk? He can come and see them of better still meet up half way. If they have bikes they could ride over then ride back when they have had enough putting them in control

Ex can’t have it both ways - he either sees them on Boxing Day or on Christmas Day unless of course DC are desperate to see him on Christmas Day ( and they are not)

Thanks all. Ds1 would walk quite happily but ds2 would kick up a fuss about it, which I get shouldn't be my problem but would become it. I may suggest the morning drop off and then them walk back for lunch though- that might work well. I think he might moan about them not being able to eat as he does serve panettone with the gifts but ds1 is a bottomless pit and ds2 doesn't like it anyway.

If they're teenagers and it's a 25 min walk then leave it up to them. They can choose to walk over there or not.

Hilarious. He doesn't drive and expects you to sort it all for him?

Hard no.

Tell him he can pay for a taxi/uber for them or walk over to get them and then walk them back.

You're mollycoddling them far too much, they're teenagers.

They're capable of making their own decisions about it and communicating those decisions. This is what you tell everyone involved.

They need to learn how to communicate and express their own views when they know the person won't like it, they won't cope with a job otherwise.

DS2 would walk half an hour to meet a friend or go to a event he'd been looking forward to if there was no other option. If he doesn't want to go to his dad's that much he needs to tell him that.

You're raising lazy spoiled brats.

Mine and 15 and 17 and they make their own arrangements with their dad now. I think you need to start stepping back to make your life easier for yourself.

If they rode their bikes they could pop over easily - if they wanted to. It doesn’t sound far.

I’d stay out of it. No need for you to do lifts. Ex can pay for a taxi, teens could walk
or cycle, or they could stick with not going.

Half an hour walk? I don't think that is very far.

@devilspawn There's no need to call them lazy spoilt brats. That's just downright nasty and uncalled for based on one of them not wanting to walk to somewhere he doesn't really want to go anyway on Christmas day. It's not their fault we're divorced so I have always tried to minimise hassle for them as they didn't ask to have to move between two different houses all the time. Both want to avoid hurting their dad's feelings too so I don't think either is a brat.

I won't be choosing Christmas day to tell them it's nothing to do with me and they need to make their own arrangements when up to now I've always given lifts if required.

If there are no disabilities involved then yes it's lazy. It's not like there's 10 feet of snow outside. The lift isn't required, that's the point.

They're obviously not bothered about hurting their dad's feelings because otherwise they'd happily walk.

Are you not embarrassed you've raised kids that won't walk half an hour to see their own dad at Christmas?

Oh do go away - it's Christmas and all you can find to do is come on the Internet and tell strangers their children are an embarrassment to them based on one comment on an online forum. You poor sod, you.