AIBU? Sick & feeling like he isn’t that bothered

[everysunrise]

To cut it as short as I can, I’m not well and have spent yesterday and this morning in bed.
Married last year, 2 kids (2 & 9m)

My husband was helping around the house yesterday, doing all of the practical things such as sorting the kitchen and food shopping (he took the 2y old) I did ask him if he could take both kids but he said it would be too difficult.
he also said he might take 2y to a park as they don’t get a lot of alone time together.
I feel a bit upset by this, as I was literally stuck in bed and it almost feels like he disregards how ill I feel and thinks of it as an opportunity to take our toddler out. But then leaving me at home to look after our baby.

i don’t feel any better this morning and he’s off to the football with his friend. He just said can you come downstairs soon as he needs
to get ready to go.
If he had said ‘will you be ok if I go out for a few hours?’ Or even ‘call me if you need me to come back’ then i wouldn’t be upset. But it’s like in his head he’s been looking after the kids for a day and he wants to go out now.

I don’t know if I’ve explained this very well. But I always have the kids for him to go out to football etc. I haven’t done any of this since our Baby was born due to breastfeeding etc.

I just want peoples opinions if I’m overreacting. When I mention any of this he says I’m being ungrateful and that he’s done everything.

What is wrong with you? I’ll be honest, I cannot imagine doing food shopping days before Christmas with a baby - toddler is bad enough.

However I cannot imagine telling anyone unwell that I care about and love that they are ‘ungrateful’ because they’re unwell and want some support.

But I always have the kids for him to go out to football etc. I haven’t done any of this since our Baby was born due to breastfeeding etc.

I don’t understand what this means - are you saying he’s not been out to football since you had the baby or something else?

What is he like generally? I’m afraid your post makes it hard to get a picture of what family life is actually like.

Right so he struggles looking after both kids but expects you to do it whilst you are unwell and he’s at football!?

He wasn’t “helping” around the house OP, why would you phrase it like that? He lives in that house too and is just doing what needs to be done. I take it you all the cleaning and housework normally?

What's with the tone, @Merryoldgoat? Plenty of people have to manage to do food shopping with a baby and a toddler, people still need to eat!

I think when your partner is ill, you just have to suck it up and do the work, it is hard work, but it's part of being in a loving partnership.

Tbf on him I wouldn't want to be taking a 2year old and 9month old food shopping especially this time of year.

There’s no tone!!

I genuinely don’t mean it snarkily. I asked what was wrong as, if she’s vomiting then yes - he should take both. If she’s got a nasty cold I’d probably say I’d manage with the baby for two hours and go back to bed once he’s home.

I have high expectations of my DH - sick or not.

I couldn’t understand what she meant in the bolded passage hence asking.

I can be sharp for sure, but I am someone who has little time for useless men not pulling his weight but I couldn’t ascertain if that was the case here.

I do the majority of the housework as I’m currently on maternity leave but I must admit he does his fair share too. He helps to cook and cleans the kitchen after he finishes work. He tidies things away and does laundry.

however since I have been ill and he looked after our kids yesterday, it’s almost like he just thinks ‘right I’m off out, I’ve been looking forward to this and I will go out’ that’s just the attitude that comes across (he hasn’t said this to me) it’s just the way he acts. There’s no empathy or anything towards me. I don’t know if I’m just sensitive or if I should be seeing it in another way. But everytime we argue generally it is my fault. He never used to be like this. Since his job became more stressful and since two kids it’s like he has no patience for our relationship.

What I meant was that I haven’t had any time out for myself without the kids. And I’ve always been happy to let him go out.

I have a stomach bug and I couldn’t eat yesterday. I literally feel knocked out.

Depends what’s wrong with you really.