Advice for successful dry January?

[nonkynink]

I've been questioning my relationship with alcohol a lot lately. I drink probably 4-5 nights of the week. I don't go out a lot, it's more at home where it's become habitual. I enjoy that moment of finally sitting down when dc are in bed and relaxing with that little buzz it gives me. But I'm going over 14 weekly units, probably closer to 25/30. I know this has big health implications and it's making me fat, tired and haggard.

Dh is similar and we've both said we'll give dry January a go. I know it will be a real struggle and lifestyle change. I wondered if anyone who thought they'd find it hard managed it? And if so what are your tips for success?

The only way I could do it was to give up gradually. The problem with dry January is that people give uo for the month then start again as soon as February starts. Can you and your partner start to cut down by consuming less or switching to a drink with less alcohol content then phasing it out gradually.

I'm sober since 2016.
I tried stopping many times *multiple January's).
Personally, I don't think January's uary is the right time to quit. It's like setting yourself up to fail.
Can you quit now? Today?
Hit submit too quickly!
If the answer is no, then you need help. You need support. And quitting in January will fail.

If you see alcohol as a reward and a way to relax (as many people do) then 'just tell yourself to stop or you have a problem' really isn't helpful!

The key is unpicking whether alcohol is actually rewarding, and finding another way to treat yourself. Id recommend reading ', this naked mind' by Annie Grace, it looks at the marketing of alcohol (especially wine to mums!) and helps you think about whether you're really getting the benefits from alcohol that you think you are

I used to 'enjoy' a treat of a drink and a good film... I've realised that I enjoy the films much more without drinking. I can watch more interesting/complex films and follow the plot better!

I done dry January 10 year ago and never drunk again. I read This Naked Mind and made the decision to stop completely.

Same for me. I have 1 or 2 of the Intune CBD
drinks and that seems to work for me.

I do dry January every year and find the best way to do it is by having the mindset that you aren’t depriving yourself, but are doing yourself a massive favour. There are loads of books/podcasts etc that are useful for this method - try Annie Grace or Alan Carr, both of whom advocate this and are very helpful. You’ll probably find you miss it for the first week but by the second will really start to feel the benefits. I’m going to do dry Jan and Feb this year as am really starting to have bad hangovers and am really questioning whether I want to give it up entirely. Good luck and enjoy it!

I'm not a massive drinker so the triggers may be different but for me it's the ritual of it, and the fact it's cold, not sweet, refreshing and in a nice glass.

So, for example, making a G and T and then sitting down with it is a ritual that signals it is time to switch off. So replacing that with an alternative ritual (making nice tea with loose leaf tea say, or a non-alcoholic cocktail) might be helpful.

Adnams Smidgin is expensive but pretty decent. Adnams 0% ghost ship is excellent and their non alcoholic cider is also pretty good. Nosecco is also pretty okay as non alcoholic drinks go. Otherwise I like straight tonic (with lemon etc in) or sometimes can add angostura bitters to tonic. Fizzy water - basic but I do really like it. I have made homemade lemonade before which has been very successful because it's only as sweet as you want it to be.

Basically the point is that you need to find a way to treat yourself that isn't alcohol, and that may well mean accepting that non alcoholic drinks aren't just cheap and cheerful.

Buy some nice cordial or coffee tea so when that habit of " I will have a glass of wine" calls you go make one of the others. After a while that becomes the "habit" and the wine alcohol goes away.

Also consider something that will keep your hands busy. Jigsaw crochet knitting painting anything that takes your attention enough to be enjoyable but not enough to feel overwhelming so not relaxing.

I'm not sure non alcoholic drinks would work for me. It isn't necessarily the taste of booze I enjoy, it's the feeling. That's light headed, relaxing little buzz. That's the part I'll miss. However I do agree that keeping busy during my trigger time is needed. Once it gets past 8pm (like a pp said) it's too late and the time has passed.

I stopped drinking a few months ago as I was drinking way too much, much more than you.

I stopped buying it and the whole chatter in my head about shall I, shan't I was easier to deal with with a firm no, not today. Much easier to do with no wine in the house.

Don't replace booze with food though, find a little hobby to keep you distracted, sounds stupid but maybe a colouring book, or get in to habit of curling up with a good book in bed, early nights, face masks. Take the opportunity for some pampering as January is cold and crap anyway so hibernate, rest.

Early nights and sorting my sleep out was great for me as alcohol really does mess up your sleep.

Good luck x

I sound like you OP. But on top of that I also am going out about three or four times a week for social things and my drinking has got out of hand.

I'm actually looking forward to dry January. I then follow it up with damp February and March (no booze in the house). I find I don't really miss it at all at this point.

What I wish I had done this year was also Stoptober and will next year.

First few days are tricky, I use sparkling water as a distraction. But after a couple of weeks I don't even think about it. There's some good apps you can use to keep track and make yourself feel better.

I also don't do it on the first of January as we always go out from meal I have a final couple of glasses of wine.

There are lots of sober curious/Alcohol Free podcasts (sassy sober mum is a good one), I also follow lots of AF people on Instagram. I stopped drinking around a year ago. The first 6 weeks were the hardest for me, I missed my wine; now I don't even want a drink.

Dont have alcohol in the house. If its not there you cant drink it

It is a habit. We have cut down a lot over the last three months and it gets easier, in fact it’s almost a case of not being that bothered by Friday when to begin with I was gagging to open the wine on Friday night.
Trigger time is a real thing- for me I needed to get past tea time, and then I would be less bothered, the moment would have passed. I started having a cup of tea and that’s becoming the new habit. Boring but fine! And cheap.

I think you do have to be quite strong at the beginning and maybe have alternative treats- I eat more chocolate now- the sugar in wine is a real thing. Good luck. You’ll feel the difference.

CBD drinks?

Don't have it in the house.

People have been fooled into thinking that alcohol is just part of their weekly grocery shopping, because you can buy it in supermarkets. 30 odd years ago, only very few supermarkets sold alcohol - you had to go to an off licence otherwise. Now you can just pop a bottle into your basket/trolley as you buy your bread and milk.

Oh that’s true, I remember there was a special counter for it in our local Tesco, rather like the tobacco counter they have now.

It's the fact it's a drug. Imagine yourself saying you miss the feeling of taking heroin. I hear that's pretty moorish...

Start thinking of drinking a glass of wine as doing a line or injecting just a little bit of heroin. Sounds a bit less ok now doesn't it.

Imagine how pleased you'll be tomorrow with yourself when you didn't drink today.

Just do Dry Today. And then try Dry Today again tomorrow. One day at a time.

Allow yourself to eat what you want and get lots of snacks in - sugary sweets.

These all worked for me in the early days and I'm one and a half years sober. Good luck

I'm no psychologist, but when I've tried to cut back on various foods, I find that eating something that tastes similar but doesn't give me the same pleasurable "hit" as the thing I've become mildly addicted to really helps my brain to ease off on craving that thing.

My lay understanding is that if my brain's Pavlovian response of the taste and smell etc is all contributing to my craving that thing (because my brain associates that smell and taste with the subsequent dopamine hit), then tasting other things that don't give the same hit helps me to dissociate that taste with the pleasurable hit, and eventually I won't crave the food as I've eaten it lots without getting the same hit, so the association is broken.

So, for me, anecdotally and based on probably junk science, that's what works to start unravelling the bind of addiction I've got myself into.

CBD drinks also help for me. Trip is nice. Or you can add CBD powder to any drink. Unfortunately I can't do the thing of not having booze in the house because DH drinks wine daily, but pouring my drink around 8pm when he pours his wine helps.

As others have said, don't see your drink as something make-do or second best. Spend a bit of money and time on experimenting with really nice interesting alternatives.

Don't mean to be rude, I've been there, but seems like you're a functioning alcoholic.
Try Trip, sounds like you need it.
But you also have to ask yourself why you feel the need to get a buzz every night, what are you avoiding thinking or feeling?
But in case you don't address it, don't worry, you'll get to an age where you won't be able to drink anyway as it'll destroy your sleep.

I found the audio book Alcohol Explained by William Porter a real eye opener so I recommend that.

I'll be doing Dry Jan too. I find thinking about the unnecessary calories puts me off mid week drinking but on a Fri/Sat I do like a NA beer or glass of tonic with lime in a proper glass to denote 'the weekend, relaxy grown up time'.

Great that you and your partner are up for it. Good luck!

I found the Annie Grace and Catherine Gray books helpful. I don’t like soft drinks so never did any alcohol alternatives. The realisation that it was about the anticipation/ritual/first sip rather than the wine itself also helped.

stock up on 0% options and just go for those instead. I almost stopped drinking this way. there are many many good options like 0% gin and tonic, wines etc. I have tried this recently and it was very good if you like "old fashioned" kind of drinks
www.crossipdrinks.com/products/dandy-smoke?srsltid=AfmBOoq-_i3WYYXzjG4EqAF0vLhc7DYMElPnzzL4MIo31n6XETEb5JmS

And for the record, most of society are functioning alcoholics. It's seen as socially acceptable.

Alcohol is a useful tool of avoidance, burying feelings and tolerating situations. Or maybe just allowing you to tick along, a refuge of self soothing.

I don't drink alcohol anymore and reflecting back, alcohol stole so much from me.

I journal or meditate, which I find far more useful and productive.

Make no mistake, alcohol (even those small solitary evening glasses) steals your mental clarity, your sleep, your emotional empathy, robs you of genuine joy and pleasure, your growth as a person in a blurry haze and fog of ambivalence, tolerance and nothingness.

But quitting isn't the hard part, the real challenge is what you face once you quit using alcohol to medicate or avoid.
I wish you luck OP xx