To be struggling with anxious thoughts about baby

[Malorcamum]

Hi everyone, I'm 4 months postpartum with a beautiful, healthy, happy baby boy. He's the light of my life and I'm lucky to have a brilliant support network around me.

I've been struggling with quite a lot of anxiety and intrusive thoughts though. I don't worry about whether I'm a good mum or whether he's healthy, luckily, but I'm terrified of him being in an accident.

The worst part is the intrusive thoughts- I won't go into details but my brain seems to want to conjure up images of him being hurt and I find it really distressing. Recently there's been a lot of coverage on the news about children being hurt and I find it really triggering. I've tried not watching the news but it's hard because it's everywhere- sometimes I'll be driving along and turn on the radio and hear something awful.

I know the thoughts are irrational- recently it's been 'what if he gets kidnapped by the Taliban?'- but knowing they're irrational doesn't make it any easier to deal with.

I just don't know how other mums do it- how are we supposed to be at peace whilst being responsible for such beautiful, fragile little beings? How do I let him go out and explore the world without having a breakdown worrying about his safety?

I love him so much my heart hurts.

I'm going to talk to a maternal mental health nurse because I know this isn't healthy, but I'm also wondering if any other mums are in the same boat and if you have any advice on how to cope?

Thanks in advance xxx

Intrusive thoughts I think can be a very common part of post-partum. Which doesn't mean they are nice at all. I think they are you adjusting to this huge responsibility of having a child. Also hormones can be crazy post partum. I also had a difficult birth and then baby in special care which I think set things off for me.

I had them quite a lot and although I didn't ever get to the point of seeking help, I did find when I realised what they were it helped. Also not reading the news or doom scrolling. They did get better after about six months but definitely seek help if you need to.

I also had this and I found it scary and disorienting because I had never experienced anything approaching anxiety or any MH issues.

I think just know that it is normal, but also speak to someone and put a plan in place - eg if you're still feeling like this in a month it's time to address it.

Sending you a hug, it's not easy.

I had this. I also thought a lot about what if I harmed my baby. I was so horrified by the thoughts I didn't tell a soul.

They eventually eased but they creep back in when I've not had enough sleep. I feel confident now though that they're not 'real' - and that it's 'normal'

Go easy with yourself and keep talking xx

I was exactly the same and kept picturing stumbling and accidentally stepping on her etc. It was really awful and I knew I wasn't thinking straight but didn't know how to stop it. It eventually lifted a few months in so I chalked it up to hormonal changes post partum. Now in perimenopause I'm overthinking and getting anxious again and it feels very familiar. I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, it's a torture.

It’s very common but I think people don’t often talk about it. I had some awful nightmares along those lines too. Was chatting to friends recently and we all had experienced them. If it is really affecting you definitely speak to your midwife or GP. It helped me to think ‘that is a fear it’s not real.’ Agree with PP more likely when I hadn’t slept and even now occasionally if I’m really tired.

Have a word with your GP I was like this with DS2 and was prescribed a week's does of antidepressants. It shifted my focus and I stopping feeling this way.

My son is four and I still have panics about things that could happen to him every night before bed 🤦🏻‍♀️

I had this, I'd lie awake at night imagine what happened if there was an intruder, dreams of him disappearing, seeing him in his cot and in my arms at the same time in the dead of night not knowing where he was etc, it's a crazy time and such a drain when it robs our tired brains of rest! Id be driving and imagine what if I drove off a bridge etc, I even bought seat belt cutters and a window hammer on amazon! They're so innocent and the instinct to protect is innate, this catastrophising is almost like risk assessing but with the exaggeration of a tired mind!

Mine went away on its own with time, and it helped for me to give myself a head shake and a shrug to break the cycle and move on to other thoughts! It's normal for alot of if not most women I know who have had babies, it's such alot of love and loving a child comes with the joyous love and the love that brings anxiety and protectiveness, which is such a burden at times! He's 16 months now and those thoughts are rare, I have gotten so soft since having him though, I can't watch news stories about children or watch TV or films where people get hurt, especially children.

I also had this, very much imagining walking in to child's room or waking up with them in the crib dead. He's 7 now and I still sometimes have this like pp said if I'm tired or hormonal. I also have intrusive thoughts re choking. I know mine stems from some PTSD from birth as he needed resuscitating, hence why concerns are around breathing/choking
I didn't get help as was frankly embarrassed but definitely should have so wel done for seeking help, I think in the long run it will be beneficial. I have a close friend who is the same (with different worries). You know it's anxiety but they are the most precious thing in the universe!

Should say it eased as he got less helpless at each stage and every year since.

I have this all of the time with my children, even years later. Lots of similar thoughts/experiences as above posters.

I think it's an evolutionary thing designed to better help us protect our young.

thanks for your insights everyone, it really helps to know I’m not alone and that the thoughts fade over time xx