Should I just forget about it & move on like nothing happened?

[Bug8]

Long story but let me try to summarise it!!

I have been with my partner for 6 years & have three kids. My partner has a 17year old son from a previous marriage. Since we got together, his ex has said too many things about me which I ignored them and laughed some off cos they were just ridiculous, for example, she would ask her son if he had seen drugs around the house, made some racist comments, said some awful things about my kids etc. When I was going in for a C-section back in January this year, my two little ones went to stay with my sister, however, while they were there, they got a tummy bug and all were sick. We waited for the recommended time before the kids came home. But when my partner got sick too, thankfully myself and baby were fine. After three to four weeks, my partner's son came to visit and when he went back home, he got sick, we thought it couldn't have been the same virus after 3-4 weeks. He did mention he had had a take-away the night he went back, it could have been that but whatever it was, we thought it wasn't anyone's fault. His mum took him to the A&E, my partner was sent pics of him in the hospital and we were blamed for making him ill. At some point when he was better, he mentioned to my partner that his mum had said we had poisoned him, apparently my partner had put me to it, his ex had said where I come from we do such things all the time (poison people). Worst thing is he believed his mum, of course it's his mum, so why not? After that incident, he wanted to come over, I told my partner he hadn't addressed what happened and I wasn't comfortable having him around and no way I was cooking for him. Told him he can still come over but I had to leave to my sister's until he had left. My partner wasn't happy about it but he had to go with that. He was saying I was being unreasonable.

Now his son wants to spend Christmas with us, wants to stay for a few days but I still don't want to cook for him, I am still struggling to get over being accused of poisoning him, my mind wonders what his mum's plan is this time around? I know that my partner is going to think am being silly refusing to cook for him but how do you cook for someone whose mum has accused you of poisoning? Please tell me am overreacting? What should I do? Sorry for the long post.

He doesn't sound too bothered about you trying to poison him if he still wants to come and stay. Let him come and eat as usual, everyone gets tummy bugs from time to time. You are almost agreeing that you might have 'poisoned' him by refusing to feed him.

The fact that he wants to stay seems to imply he doesn't actually believe what his mum is saying.

I would let it go and welcome him. You could always ask him if wants to help you in the kitchen.

The poor lad has an absolutely crazy mother. Have him for Christmas, be kind to him and totally ignore the mother! The last thing he needs right now is being alienated from his father.

He's your partner's son, so he should always be welcome in your shared house, OP. When you take on the partner, their children become your children, surely?

Just ignore her nonsense. If she thinks you tried to poison him why doesn't she go to the police? Delusional cow. If anything her conduct could considered harassment and the police could be contacted about her.
He wants to come to yours so let him. Have no contact with her whatsoever. She's clearly utterly batshit.

@Cynic17 oh no, he has and is always been welcome. My partner and step son know this. I have never and would never get in the way of that. It's just the constant madness from his mum that is becoming too much. It's like she has to constantly find horrible things to say about me. Removing myself from the situation I feel gives me a peace of mind as I need to be sane for my kids too. That's why I went to my sister's the last time he visited.

@BobbyBiscuits I don't have any contact with her but my partner tells me what she says through his son or email. Even the time she said we poisoned him, my step son and partner cooked and then we also had a take-away, so was shocked that I was accused. Surprisingly, my step son didn't say to the mum that I didn't cook whatever was eaten that time so couldn't be accused of poisoning him, he instead said to the dad that "he almost died" when he was at ours as if he believed his mum that the poisoning happened.

You can’t punish the lad for his mother being a racist cow. It’s really unkind to refuse to spend any time with him unless he has said or done anything unacceptable. In fact, it’ll just be grist to the mother’s mill.

However, you partner should be having a proper talk with him about how unacceptable it is for his mother to be saying racist and abusive things about you. And he can do the bloody cooking while his son visits.

@DownThePubWithStevieNicks I have no problem with my step son and am not punishing him or at least not my intention. When we got accused, he cooked with his dad & one of the days, we had a take-away. So I never prepared him any food on that visit. Taking myself out of the situation is only for my own good (that's my thought), I have three little ones, I am so exhausted to be dealing with accusations like poisoning someone else's child. I suggested addressing what happened with this ex but she didn't want to talk about it. I guess this really hurt so much that am struggling to forget about it.

He’s probably aware his mum likes making things difficult. Don’t be another woman in his life doing that by reacting to her bullshit. He knows you didn’t poison him, the hospital would have known he hadn’t been poisoned. All that staying away while he is there does is give her the pleasure of knowing that she is fucking with your life.