To think it wasn't enough and I shouldn't do it again?

[Redbushteaforme]

For years (maybe c20), I've taken part in a local Christmas 'giving tree' where a local charity arranges Christmas presents for children who otherwise won't be getting much. You pick a card with (fictional) child"s name and age, buy a gift/gifts and take it to an office where everything is presumably checked, wrapped and distributed.

I always put a fair bit of effort into choosing things I think a child of the age and that they could enjoy for themselves without needing other things (eg colouring sets) or requiring an adult to help them. This year I bought a couple of small-ish age-appropriare Lego sets, a nice winter picture storybook, a winter sticker book and a winter magic painting book (both nice Usborne books which I would but for my own children at Christmas). Total cost was about £35-40.

Normally you just hand your bag of gifts in at the door but this year I was asked to take the bag through to a room where all the other donations were, so for the first time I saw what other people were giving. What I saw made me think that other people are probably spending more than me, and that maybe the children I've been buying for are losing out. It also made me realise the difference between what I spend on my own kids and what I donate for this. However, £35-40 is probably my limit for a donation for the time being at least.

Is anyone on here involved with running this kind of scheme? Are contributions like mine useful? Is it really one card (set of donated gifts) per child or do the organisers sort through all donations and decide how to distribute ie amalgamate donations?

I would be really interested to know because I feel maybe that my donation might be better spent on something else charitable at Christmas, maybe just putting the cash to some sort of appeal?

AIBU - still worth doing
AINBU - better just to donate the cash to a good cause

£35-40 is a very generous amount of money, kids don't need millions spent on them. My daughter has asked for a plastic wand that flashes...it was £3.50 and I just know it'll be her absolute favourite thing.

Please don’t stop, your gifts are very generous and will make such a huge difference to a child’s life I promise!

I'm not an organiser, but I've been aware of a couple of instances of children receiving. I'd guess from the mix that the presents had been sorted. I know that they were really appreciated. I agree with pp your contribution is generous and most children I know would love them.

The donations you saw that day may have been corporate donations or even ones put there to trick you into thinking you need to give me. Your choices sound spot on and I am sure any child would be delighted by them not just those who are in need, but in their case even more so.

What a lovely thoughtful thing to do?

I think your donation sounds wonderful and generous! Please don't stop; you've inspired me to go find something similar locally that I can donate to.

I would choose another charity next year.
You did a great thing and they belittled you.

We have something similar in our town. You are asked no to spend more than £30.

I'm not sure if it's different in different areas or if I'm a bit thick but I'd assumed the gifts were for a real person! Therefore I gave a mini tool set, some chocolate buttons, some slipper socks and a wooden Brio-type train for a 2 year old. Spent about £20. I think your gift (whether it is given as one gift or split) sounds lovely and generous.

£35 - 40 is VERY generous and the charity (and the children) will be very grateful.

I give to a similar charity. They kind of sort and rebalance the gifts, I imagine your crowd do the same.
Keep going with it, it's a fab thing to do.

But they're not 'losing out' because they're not seeing what everyone else gets. The child who gets your gifts will have much more than they'd have expected otherwise. Honestly, don't make that comparison. You are giving a child a better Christmas. Keep doing it!

The gifts you get sound lovely and you’re doing such a wonderful thing! Please don’t stop you’re making a big difference to a child out there

My work do a bit of volunteering for a scheme like this, and firstly, they never get enough, and have huge numbers of children to provide for. So it's not a choice between your present and a better present - it may be that or nothing. Secondly, for the scheme I am aware of, everything goes into a big sorting area, and volunteers match children to gifts. It will depend on the scheme, but i imagine they will split the more generous donations between multiple children.

I did see a post a few weeks ago where someone was looking for a giving tree gift for under £10, and I thought what a shame it was that someone who could stretch to £20 didn't pick that child, as they had interests that would have been much easier to cover with a little bit more. Your selection of gifts sounds great though, and it's the same amount as I donated.

There will be lots of children in need so they need lots of presents to give out, hence the room full of things. Maybe the other bags your saw had multiple gifts in.

please don’t stop giving

I don't think they could just take your gifts and hand them over to one child. The problem isn't you - your gifts sound just right. However, having seen first hand what some people think is suitable to hand over to charities - they have no idea whatsoever. I'm sure they have to sort through gifts and redistribute into packages so all the children receive something suitable and nice.

It really should not matter what other gifts there were, they will be sorted, and given out appropriately. Just give what you can afford to give, with a willing heart, that is enough. Others will be in a position to give more, and others less, but it all adds up, and will help towards making a difference to someone.

Oh come on seriously 🙄

£35-40 is probably my limit for a donation for the time being at least.

You know that's fine for kids who would otherwise get nothing/very little.

Thanks for the feedback. I had been feeling quite bad about it but feel a bit more positive now!

I’ve donated to things like this before and usually just give one present, I assumed they sort them all so all present bags are similar in numbers. £35 is very generous, I would think a lot of people just give one present at £10 a time

How did they belittle her?

I assume they all go into a central sort and are divvied out.

You shouldn't take a donor to a show room of gift. Just let her hand in her gift and thank her!

Perhaps the donations you saw came from corporate entities or from toy retailers or from groups e.g. a sports’ club where everyone can donate or a bake sale at school where the proceeds are used to buy gifts to donate.

Or the charity makes the most generous and lavish donations very visible to encourage others to give similar gifts…

How did they belittle her?

I honestly don't think there was any reason that I was asked to leave my donation in the collection room, other than maybe saving the time for the reception office staff (who don't work for the charity organising the gift collection). It was just that it was the first time I had ever seen other donations because normally you just drop things off at the reception door. The other donations were still in carrier bags but you could see some of the things that had been donated when you went in.

The idea of doing some fundraising for the scheme eg bake sale in advance next year is quite appealing.

I've been involved in schemes like this before, typically they match presents to children and circumstances - so there may be some children whose parents can afford a couple of gifts but they're going through a hard times and will be given some extras/stockingfillers. There will be other children who aren't likely to get anything and will receive a whole selection of gifts. They are always all used and gratefully received.

There are usually corporate gifts as well and these might be the more expensive items - for example our local premiership team provide a lot of branded football kit, a local store provides some electrical stuff (headphones etc) for teenagers.

It is a kind and generous thing you're doing, OP. Your gifts sound perfect.

£35-£40 is quite a large amount to spend; I can't imagine how much others must be spending. My DS has been the recipient of similar gift schemes when sick in hospital and he was always very happy to receive a present and I was grateful to whoever donated.

Some schemes ask parents to write a list of interests the child has and the organisers try to match gifts to the relevant child (e.g. someone interested in dinosaurs would receive a dinosaur book or stuffed toy). However the scheme works, I am sure your gift is going to received by a grateful family.

Well now I feel bad as I only spent £10 on our local giving tree. I have made other donations to other causes too.