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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Whatsapp messages monitored by husband

10 replies

clockoftheheart1976 · 21/12/2024 08:33

A friend has come out of an abusive relationship. There was physical, emotion and financial abuse. Her every movement was monitored and there were cameras in the home to watch her every movement. She is not very technically savvy and after she left him she continued to use her phone and whatsapp.

She got messages from her husband that indicated he knew who she was speaking to and what they were saying. The conversations were in Whatsapp so it is likely that he has installed the desktop version and has been reading the content of her messages from his dektop. It was about three weeks before we found this out. Now she has a new phone and number.
She was talking about him badly in the messages and cannot recall the other content as deleted all messages in panic. But she is panicking that she could have said something that he will use against her in the family court - although not sure what she has said exactly. Its probably something very mild but she is currently on high alert about everything due to her treatment.
AIBU to think that him monitoring her whatsapp is just another example of his coercive control, an invasion of her privacy and no court would accept Whatsapp messages obtained in this manner as evidence.

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 21/12/2024 08:35

He would be pretty stupid to use private conversations he should have no access to in a court setting

Where is her WhatsApp backup sent goo?

Has she reported this to the police?

DepartingRadish · 21/12/2024 08:36

If there are legal proceedings ongoing, then she needs to tell her solicitor. If it went to court he would have to disclose how he obtained the messages - and I suspect it would reflect very badly on him if he were to explain it was because he'd been covertly monitoring her.

DepartingRadish · 21/12/2024 08:37

And YY about speaking to the police. It may be difficult for them to do anything, but it would be useful for her to have a record that she's reported it.

Gordonramsayatemyhomework · 21/12/2024 08:38

Is she on an iPhone and is it all backing up to the shared cloud/devices?

clockoftheheart1976 · 21/12/2024 09:02

@Gordonramsayatemyhomework It's an iPhone with no iCloud.

OP posts:
clockoftheheart1976 · 21/12/2024 09:22

She also used to say that when she made normal calls there would be a tinny echoing sound and her phone were get hot and sometimes make strange sounds. I am wondering if he also put spyware on it.

OP posts:
DreamyJadeMoose · 21/12/2024 09:24

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This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

LittleOwl153 · 21/12/2024 09:29

She has a new number... is it a new phone? First thing is to make sure what she is not using is clean.

I didn't think you could have an iPhone without and iCloud... but I could be wrong ad I've never been an apple user!

clockoftheheart1976 · 21/12/2024 09:43

@DreamyJadeMoose No I am not the friend - fortunately.

OP posts:
lisa112101 · 19/06/2025 00:57

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