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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - A Terrible Experience at a Café in the Food Court

17 replies

TheRealGossipGirl · 20/12/2024 23:45

Today, we went shopping at our local shopping centre, which has an open food court. As you know, this means there are lots of food options with a huge seating area where you can generally sit wherever you like. However, some cafés or stalls have tables and chairs attached to their counters and expect only their customers to sit there, which I get.

My sister wanted a dessert from one of the cafés, so we decided to sit at the high-top breakfast bar in that area. Just to clarify, my sister is profoundly deaf. She sat down, I sat next to her, and my mum, who’s in a wheelchair, stayed close by. It's just easier for us to settle first, then go and place our order.

We’d barely been sitting for a minute when I heard someone calling, “Excuse me, excuse me.” I looked over and saw a man at the same breakfast bar talking to my sister. I immediately apologised and explained that she’s deaf. He then said, "You can only sit here if you’re going to order." I said, "Yes, I know. Just give me a minute; we’re going to order." But he kept insisting, "You can only sit here if you’re going to order," and was getting more and more aggressive. I said again, “Just give me a minute PLEASE”

I’m fairly certain the man was the manager, as he had a laptop with him, but I can’t be 100% sure. He just kept on demanding we either order or leave. Eventually, I got really frustrated and said, “What is your problem? We’ve only just sat down, and all you’ve done is tell us to order.” I then turned to my mum to ask her what she wanted, and the whole time, this man was still shouting at us. Even though my sister couldn’t hear him, she could see how angry he was, and it scared her. She got up and moved behind my mum’s chair.

It seemed like he thought my sister was ignoring him, so I explained to him again, “She’s deaf. She didn’t hear you the first time.” His response was, “So am I,” before he put on his headphones. At that point, I was absolutely livid especially with that comment.

Luckily, some other customers around us noticed what was going on and stepped in to tell the man he didn’t need to be so aggressive. But instead of backing off, he turned on them, and it just became a huge scene.

I was feeling really intimidated, so I took my phone out to record him. I’m only 5’3”, with a mum in a wheelchair and a sister who not only has hearing loss but also psychological issues, so I honestly felt quite threatened. He saw and walked towards me to grab my phone or even get physical. Thankfully, security from the shopping centre arrived, and they asked to see the video. They told me to file a formal complaint and didn’t ask me to delete the video, if they did, I still wouldn’t have.

Now, I understand the manager might be fed up with people sitting at his counter without ordering, but it’s a huge food court in a massive shopping centre. It’s unrealistic to expect that every single person sitting on or near the counter is going to be a customer of that particular café. We had every intention of ordering, but the way this guy treated us was completely uncalled for.

After everything that happened, security said they’d find somewhere else for us to sit, but by that point, we didn’t want to spend any money at that café. I can appreciate that the manager might have been having a bad day, but his behaviour was completely rude, aggressive, and intimidating.

I’ve written a complaint about it and really hope something comes of it.

So, am I being unreasonable for being so upset about this?

OP posts:
YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 20/12/2024 23:48

What an absolute arsehole

PokerFriedDips · 20/12/2024 23:57

It does sound like a horrific experience but I think anyone who goes to a big shopping centre this close to Christmas and chooses to spend a moment more than necessary there by getting a meal rather than trying to get out of there after max 45 minutes has got to be at least a bit psychotic so I imagine that scenes like that probably happen there at least once every hour, entirely to be expected. Glad you have written your complaint, it's worth ensuring that it's all recorded, now have a sherry and don't go shopping again until 5th January at the earliest when people start to calm down.

Baxterbaxter · 21/12/2024 00:03

That’s awful for you @TheRealGossipGirl - the man was totally out of order. However I do think you may have stoked the fire by filming him - I don’t think that was appropriate, as you could see his behaviour was way off the charts of normality and this just exacerbated the situation. I would’ve just walked away if he was making a scene. I do hope you and your family are OK, that sounds like a hideous experience.

MintShaker · 21/12/2024 00:06

You videoing him negates what he did.

TheRealGossipGirl · 21/12/2024 00:09

Thank you for the replies so far.

@PokerFriedDips It was definitely awful, and I usually wouldn't go to a shopping centre so close to Christmas. If I really had to, I'd go first thing in the morning, get in and get out quickly. But in this case, my mum and sister really wanted to go, and I couldn’t say no as they're both struggling with their health. This was really their only big day out before Christmas.

It's just upsetting that someone could be so nasty to others. I really don't understand what makes people behave like that.

@Baxterbaxter In hindsight, I agree that I probably shouldn't have filmed him, but at the time, I did it because he was walking up to people who were trying to intervene, getting too close to them and arguing. It just felt like the situation was escalating, and I thought capturing it might help if things got worse.

OP posts:
OnlyMothersInTheBuilding · 21/12/2024 00:10

I think you did the right thing videoing him, as he was way beyond poor service or a bad day at the office (where I do think videoing is uncalled for). This was harassment and should be evidenced.

Ablondiebutagoody · 21/12/2024 00:11

Post the video

RickiRaccoon · 21/12/2024 00:12

It sounds like he's not a nice person. He probably got annoyed at your sister 'ignoring' him and then maybe couldn't just was to up himself to get over that annoyance when you pointed out she just didn't hear him or he didn't believe that she was deaf. It's completely on him and you are 100% right to complain. It won't be the first time he's done something similar.
As an aside, I do hate when they have exclusive seating in a foodcourt type area. It beats the point of being a foodcourt where everyone can get what they want but still eat together.

TheRealGossipGirl · 21/12/2024 00:20

The video isn’t anything lengthy, just about 5 seconds, but it’s enough to show him shouting at another customer who was trying to tell him not to be so aggressive, because he really was. Then he walks up to me and says, "Don’t record me," and I put the phone away. To be completely honest, the only reason I put it away was because of the way he came towards me – I genuinely thought he was going to snatch the phone out of my hand.

I know in situations like this, it's easy to say for the sake of a complaint that I was afraid or intimidated, but honestly, hand on heart, I thought he was going to hit me because of how aggressive he was. He approached me twice and was right in my face.

This whole thing should be on the shopping centre's security footage if they have that area covered, which I’d imagine they do, as it’s a large, open space. Do you think it would be worth me complaining to them as well?

OP posts:
BESTAUNTB · 21/12/2024 00:20

Unpleasant behaviour towards a deaf woman, a woman in a wheelchair and a 5’3 woman.

I bet if you’d been 3 male rugby players this twerp would’ve said nothing.

whynotwhatknot · 21/12/2024 00:20

awful so security confirmed he was themanager? defnitely show the owners that video

TheRealGossipGirl · 21/12/2024 00:26

@whynotwhatknot Yeah, I didn’t realise he was the manager at the time – I only assumed that because he was sitting there with a laptop. But when security arrived and spoke to both him and me – one spoke to him, then one spoke to me, then the one speaking to him came to me – they were standing there telling me to make a complaint, and that's when they mentioned he was the manager. I think I did ask for his name, but they were like, “They’ll know who it is, he’s the manager.”

Otherwise, I do have a video in which he’s easily identifiable.

OP posts:
recipientofraspberries · 21/12/2024 00:32

Nothing wrong with filming in an instance like this. OP filmed AFTER the situation was already deteriorated and when she already felt under threat; it’s not like OP whipped her camera out shortly after he approached and made him feel uncomfortable.

I hope you get a satisfactory response, OP! What a horrible experience.

ADHDHDHDHD · 21/12/2024 00:33

Make a complaint to the managers of the entire shopping centre. He needs a bollocking

Juiceinacup · 21/12/2024 00:33

Are you sure he was a manager and not just some busybody? I used to be a manager at a food court ( now closed down and much missed) and I couldn’t envisage ever speaking to a customer like that, even though we had some real arsehole customers at times. In our case the food court management was under contract to the shopping centre management so It would definitely be worth raising a complaint with the shopping centre. Edited to say I now see that you had it confirmed he was the manager.

QuestionableMouse · 21/12/2024 00:53

PokerFriedDips · 20/12/2024 23:57

It does sound like a horrific experience but I think anyone who goes to a big shopping centre this close to Christmas and chooses to spend a moment more than necessary there by getting a meal rather than trying to get out of there after max 45 minutes has got to be at least a bit psychotic so I imagine that scenes like that probably happen there at least once every hour, entirely to be expected. Glad you have written your complaint, it's worth ensuring that it's all recorded, now have a sherry and don't go shopping again until 5th January at the earliest when people start to calm down.

What a thoughtless and stupid thing to say.

"at least a bit psychotic," really? 🤔🤨

QuirkySnail · 22/03/2025 00:29

Clear case of discrimination

Glad you filmed him

Hope you share it

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