To be fed up of always being relied on

[ineedtowomanup]

I hate the family being so dependant on me. It's draining me. I feel utterly overwhelmed.

I have a ND child who has been really struggling with attending school. DH does a stressful, I work for myself and have the flexibility to spend the 2-3 getting my child into school every morning but by the time I do I'm mentally exhausted and struggle at my desk.

I'm surrounded by boxes after doing everyone's Xmas shopping and DH just shouted down what are we doing for food, I mean I just want to throttle him. I had a very tough therapy session today and it's like he's oblivious. I told him I've had a tough session. I need to wrap presents for our trip to my family tomorrow, which includes a large party which is hard for my ND child, I'm planning ND child's wardrobe with them has they don't like to wear lots of different things. They've just rejected everything I've bought today.

I don't think DH sees all this work behind the scenes. In the meantime I've got my own health issues and have an operation in January so I'm feeling overwhelmed by that - because of this condition I have the heaviest periods.

All the assessments and support for my ND child I'm handling, I do all the running around for the other clubs for my other sporty child.

My ND child won't sleep in the evenings without me and even then it can take me 2 hours to help them sleep. I feel like I'm going to crack. I'm 44 and my Aunt killed herself when she was 44 and I'm kind of thinking I can get why life can get like that where you just want it all to fucking stop.

Just stop! First: symbolic hug! (((Hug))).

Then tell dh he is taking over some tasks. And let him.

Let your ND child wear old, familiar clothes.

Dont wrap the presents.

I just found out I need major surgery in January/Feb, need to partially close my practice, and Jesus Christ can I not be bothered anymore.

You must start prioritizing yourself.

Sounds like you do everything. Stop doing everything.

'Then tell dh he is taking over some tasks. And let him'

This x 10000
Stop doing everything. You have another, presumably perfectly able adult in the house so he needs to step up

Same. I've somehow in the last few years become the family slave/fixer. I hate it and don't want to do it. It's not reciprocated. I'm just considered to be the person that will do/host/organise.

Sorry to hear this - it's complicated for me, DH has OCD and his own issues my dad was an addict so I have issues around control and anxiety. It's clear I have ADHD my therapist has asked me to speak to my GP for an assessment but the procrastinating is stopping me.

You'll be glad to know I've told Dh there is nothing for tea and he's gone out to get something to cook!! I think walking in on me surrounded literally by boxes and paper and fuming probably did the trick.

He needs to get his finger out and help a lot more and you need to speak up

@LivelyBiscuit yes I guess so, my teen is super helpful but has limited time due to sports commitments and my ND child is amazing when they have capacity - they like to follow me and help and I give them little tasks like sweeping up. Or helping with breakfast, tidying their room et.

DH will do the clothes washing, he unloads the dishwasher, he does the gardening, he doesn't do mental load though. Bills etc I do. Insurance I do, food planning, school runs, kids clothes our clothes etc buying, present buying, club runs etc.

He does work most days 8-7 so has limited time and can be away.

Please let the seeing a big family go. It sounds like it's a lot for your child and your taking on too much. Sometimes extended family squeeze a lot out of you.

YANBU @ineedtowomanup.

Remember this feeling. Put a link to this thread in your November 2025 calendar. Next year will be different and better.

YANBU, but I do worry that some mums are inadvertently making rods for their own backs by being too informed and too accommodating, as counter intuitive as that sounds. (Hand me my arse, I deserve it)

Definitely look after yourself. The danger with seeming too capable is that people start to take you for granted even if they don't mean to. Especially this time of year!

I found the phrase I'm in the middle of something, I'll call you back useful. Even when I'm not. It stops me reacting and gives me thinking time. Before I respond.

I doesn't come naturally to me @ineedtowomanup, but it's been a great skill to learn.

Thank you for the tips. I think as I learned about my medical issue yesterday and thankfully the op is in Jan it's been an overwhelming day. Alongside a heavy duty therapy session where I literally felt so in pieces I couldn't breathe.

We all watching a movie but I'm taking myself off for a long shower now.