Family estrangement at Christmas

[user593]

I don’t talk to most of my immediate family. They are not nice people and really let me down this year, and I find it easier to be sad about the estrangement rather than angry with them for their behaviour. It also enables me to calmly focus on my own family. But with Christmas coming, it really is getting me down. Is there anyone else in the same boat?

🙋🏻‍♀️

I find it easier if I focus on appreciating what I have at Christmas rather than what could have been.

I’m a few years ahead of you though and been NC for about 5 years. It gets easier xx

Same here. I am NC with both parents and 2 siblings. Parents were cruel to us as children and my father sexually assaulted me. I’ve been NC for a good few years now. I very much enjoy being away from them but I do feel sad at this time of year to not have a loving family around. My DH, our DC and my in-laws are all amazing, as is my one sibling I’m in contact with and their family, so we make the most of it but for me theres always a bit of sadness and even embarrassment not to have loving parents.

sending hugs

I am NC. I find Patrick teahans YouTube videos very comforting at times of the year like xmas, fathers day etc.

DH is no contact with his siblings. I find it really hard as they miss our kids. It makes me sad they can't all get on like adults.

Not the same boat no, but I've been no contact with my dad for many years. This year we are having a big family Christmas and I've agreed to go because my dad's been very ill and I can see how hard everything has been on my siblings. I'm fucking dreading it, it's going to be shit, and wish I'd said no. I feel for you though OP, and I hope you have a calm and wonderful Christmas with the people you love and whose company bring you joy.

@Planesmistakenforstars Thank you, I hope your reunion with your dad goes better than you expect! 💕

Just wanted to send hugs. It happens and it’s very hard. I am estranged from some of my siblings as I am the family scapegoat. I only realised this recently. Until recent events I thought there was something wrong with me and was desperate for their approval and breadcrumbs. I get what you mean about easier to be sad - I do the same as it feels calmer and easier to tackle responsibilities. Try your best to be selfish - I’m sure they are putting their emotional health first so do the same Xx

I'm feeling it. I'm nc with my mum, step dad and grandma.

They've invited themselves to a meal with db, his wife and her child at a curry house. Mum phoned and added themselves to the reservation. Dsil is upset as she's working over Christmas and it's the only free day she has.

I miss the possibility of big family Christmases but not the reality and my children are a lot happier without the stress, grief and guilt that comes with the previous visits.

As pp has said try to focus on what you have rather than what you think you could miss not what would actually happen. You're nc for a reason, it's unlikely that would change due to Christmas.

Enjoy your Christmas and don't be sad, sending you big hugs and well wishes.

I’m no contact with most of my siblings - I learned to say no and they didn’t like it. I feel sad that having boundaries meant the end of our •relationship” but it wasn’t a genuine relationship when it was conditional on me agreeing to do whatever they wanted. I am much happier without them. But I do feel sad about how events played out - no regrets though.

OP I’m in the same boat. Christmas is a time that really bites me - more so than any other time of year. I suppose it’s the thought of all the happy families spending time together when mine was so toxic I try to get away straight after Christmas for a few days as that seems to help but the run up to Christmas is really horrible. I try to remember that it’s only one day and I’ve survived all the others. It’s so difficult though - I hope you are ok

Presumably your DH has good reasons for being NC with them. It is not a decision most people take lightly and it certainly isn’t childish.

Thank you for all your messages. Christmas Day was good - I really feel happy and relaxed with my DP and our children. There was a little bit of unwelcome contact/ conversation from family members which I managed to swerve in the main and made me feel a lot better that I hadn’t welcomed more. I hope you all had good days too. Looking forward to 2025!