balancing personal and professional priorities in parenting.

[ddk1]

My daughter skipped a class to browse the internet during school hours, even though she wasn’t sick and had already missed over 10 days of school in one month. I told her she needed to go to school, but she became angry, throwing things and hitting me and doors. I shared my concerns with my husband, expressing that her behavior was unacceptable. He responded by saying that if we oppose her, she won't listen, and it would negatively affect our ability to work. He believes that if we want to succeed in our careers, we should ignore such issues, and that once she grows older, she will face the consequences in her career. Is it reasonable to prioritize career success over personal matters like parenting? I feel that mixing personal and professional priorities in this way isn’t right, especially since parenting is a personal matter. My husband is very ambitious and self-centered, which adds to my concerns.

Didn’t you post this yesterday?

How old is dd?

yes, that post was not clear, thus created new post. is it possible to delete old post

she is 15 +

You need to get to the bottom of why your daughters is skipping school- is it because she can because you allow her or because she's got u deleting mental health needs? Your husband sounds like a useless dad- shame on him.

She needs some boundaries. Fucks sake 🙄

Please ignore my previous badly written post:

You need to get to the bottom of why your daughter is skipping school- is it because she can because you allow her to or because she's got underlying mental health needs? Your husband sounds like a useless dad- shame on him.

this is not first time he mentioned career thing, but every occasion of conflict he mentions it. he does not like to have discipline, setting boundaries, speaking respectfully even if you disagree..

Your husband can't be arsed to parent her because parenting her will impact his career? Well it's not hard to see why she's acting up is it?

Fucking hell, she absolutely needs boundaries and for you both to come down hard on her, she's literally screaming for your attention. Skipping school, causing a scene.... and all dad does is say let her get on with it so it doesn't interrupt my big job.

I know its more complicated than that, you both need money to keep a roof over your heads, but what does she need to do to communicate that she has a massive problem and needs to be the focus right now?

Your husband has made his position clear - she's your problem. Fuck him.

I tried to set boundaries, but then same issue DH makes. he loudly screams, starts talking bad things about me, just to save family atmosphere I keep quiet. then next time my DD uses same words. this circle goes on..I don't understand way out.

Where to start with this???

Parenting isn’t a choice. Once you’ve had children it’s on both parents to turn them into well rounded people that can function in society. Your husband is failing at the most important job he has. How on earth does he imagine other families cope? Does he think we all just say “fuck it kids won’t listen so I might as well not bother”? Why do I think he’s the first to complain about other people’s badly behaved children?

If he can’t step up then you will have to. You say setting boundaries causes a bad family atmosphere but you’re walking on eggshells anyway. The alternative is your daughter ending up in a dead end educationally.

I don't really understand the logic here if I'm honest.

How old is your child?

Surely if they keep skipping, you'll end up spending more time dealing with the school so that will impact on work time. The simple fact is, you as a couple have a child and need to parent them.

That will require making some sacrifices, attending parent meetings at school, making decisions and setting boundaries. If he didn't want to do that then the time to raise that was before the child happened not now.

If his response to any conflict or difficult situation is to launch into a rage and demean you, then where you should start is the front door. Get out and go it alone with your daughter,

You certainly aren't painting a picture of a man who is worth having around. He's a disinterested and unwilling parent who at the very least is verbally and emotionally abusive towards you when he doesn't get his way.

With your daughter, you need to make it very clear that school isn't optional. Barring physical or mental health problems that are preventing her from attending school, she needs to be there when school is on. So just taking a day off to piss about on the internet isn't acceptable. I would have turned off the router, removed access to any electronics and taken her to school. She'd not have gotten access to internet or devices back till I decided she deserved it again. You need to decide what your boundaries are, set them and stick to them.