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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you take the presents round? (Long sorry)

13 replies

MyPithyPoster · 20/12/2024 11:01

NC with mother, did unforgivable things up to and including stalking my young daughter after I’ve gone non-contact with her.
Set up numerous Facebook accounts trying to harass her.

For some unfathomable reason, my brother and sister have taken the mothers side.
They are no loss, very much drains on you rather than people who you would have an equal relationship with anyway.
One Brother, I did get on very well with until he sent me a text this summer suggesting I ought to reconcile with our mother.
I sent him a list of reasons why that wouldn’t happen.
Many of these reasons are in the distant past so I’m not really bothered about those but the most recent ones of setting up numerous Facebook accounts, new telephone numbers chasing my daughter who is mental health is precarious really pissed me off and he couldn’t see what she done wrong so I’ll be honest. I cut ties with him as well.
He now appears to be having some sort of breakdown, accusing his wife of having an affair on the basis of her having porn on her phone that he admits they both look at
He’s following her around in the car. Following her home from work.
Blowing up her phone with hundreds of messages.
Phoned me a couple of weeks ago to tell me it was all over and they were done.
Asked me to call sister-in-law to ask her not to involve the police because it would affect both their careers if I told you what they did it would blow your mind.
Getting really upset drawing me into the drama and then two days later it as if nothing has happened they’re both back to normal again and I’ve been blocked on Facebook and WhatsApp by the SIL.

So I have two presents here wrapped up under the tree for my niece and nephew.
Would you drop them round?
Quite clearly, I’m not gonna be able to see them going forward. Whatever the outcome of this marriage.

In any kind of normal family, I wouldn’t hesitate but my children have never had so much as a Christmas card off either of these people. They get a text on their birthday if they’re lucky. Often after I’ve posted to say it’s their birthday so this will be the first year with blocked on all social media probably, the end of the texts.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 20/12/2024 11:04

Regift the presents. These people don’t deserve your love.

evtheria · 20/12/2024 11:04

No. Stay clear, NC, grey rock or whatever the term is.

MissUltraViolet · 20/12/2024 11:05

Give them to someone else.

Dont let yourself get dragged into any of their crap ever again.

MyPithyPoster · 20/12/2024 11:07

The audacity of him accusing her of having an affair, she has a six month old baby. I don’t even know when she would have the time.
Two weeks before their wedding, he was planning to go to the Lake District to have a final fling with somebody who met at work.
It is drama after drama after drama and I feel like it’s me because I don’t have contact with any of them.
But this really isn’t normal family life is it?

OP posts:
Jostuki · 20/12/2024 11:12

No it's not normal. They sound toxic, drama loving people who bring absolutely nothing to your life other than upset.

Give presents to a charity.

2catsandhappy · 20/12/2024 11:38

Can you regift to a Women's refuge? Some supermarkets have trollies or suchlike.

LL99887 · 20/12/2024 11:41

100% keep away. Any contact with them is grist to the mill to people like this who love drama.

ImperfectAlf · 20/12/2024 11:44

It's not you.

I know we only have your side of the story before anyone else jumps on. But, it's not you.

I would suggest not taking them round and giving them to either a charity appeal or refuge. Or take them back to the shop. (Though the money/time is spent so spending more time makes little sense)

Families like this suck you back in to the drama if you let them.

ImperfectAlf · 20/12/2024 11:45

Also, if you're worried about your niece/nephew missing out, the family doesn't seem to worry about your children missing out, does it?

MyPithyPoster · 20/12/2024 11:46

I’ve had a very lovely peaceful 10 years of no contact and it’s only when they reach out to me that anything “happens”

OP posts:
MyPithyPoster · 20/12/2024 11:48

ImperfectAlf · 20/12/2024 11:45

Also, if you're worried about your niece/nephew missing out, the family doesn't seem to worry about your children missing out, does it?

They have lots and lots of family. She’s got a sister that can’t have children so they get lots of fuss and attention.
This is what I mean if they split up our side will never see them again. He’s already suggested that he will just walk away and ghost a lot of them.

We’ve already had this scenario with the other Brother

OP posts:
ImperfectAlf · 20/12/2024 14:03

Whilst it’s unfortunate for your children not to have a loving extended family, protecting them from a dysfunctional one will make their lives much easier.

MyPithyPoster · 20/12/2024 20:31

ImperfectAlf · 20/12/2024 14:03

Whilst it’s unfortunate for your children not to have a loving extended family, protecting them from a dysfunctional one will make their lives much easier.

Thank you, the children are older and said as much themselves xxx

OP posts:
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