Help me be more reasonable please

[thecatdidit]

I've seldom started a thread and never on aibu, I've posted here for more traffic.

My sibling goes on and on and on about their sole grandchild, golden child, no-one else has one quite as wonderful grandchild.
Shows photos on their phones to random strangers at church events and other social events, how wonderful their little darling is.

I'm sick of it. It doesn't help that we will never have grandchildren and it cuts me and hurts.

How can I get past this. Please. ?
My spouse has come to terms that we'll never be grandparents but I haven't .

My aibu.. am I being unreasonable to feel so pissed off by the constant mentioning?

Yes I think you are. We don't have children, hence no grandchildren but we are not unhappy or spiteful about those that have.

Your sibling sounds like they are being way over the top. Probably annoys everyone else too!

No you aren't being unreasonable. Does your sibling know you will not have grandchildren? If not then jput it down to over enthusiasm on their part and allow yourself time to accept it won't happen for you. Perhaps mention your feelings to your sibling.

I’m not sure how this affects you at all, tbh. People are into their grandchildren. It’s unfortunate that you don’t have any, but it’s nothing to do with your sister. Your jealousy is very unpleasant.

You’re being incredibly unreasonable and you get past by getting past it.

Anu chance your sibling is trying to involve you a bit in an ott way ? I think truthfully it probably depends massively on your relationship with sibling tho, if it's always bern great then id let it go, if relationship has always been fractious, r difficult, jealous etc then you have your answer.

YANBU to feel sad about not having grandchildren and to find it difficult when other people talk about theirs. However, YABU to expect other people not to talk about their own grandkids. I do think you need to find a way to come to terms with the fact that you won't have any, for the sake of your own happiness.

Yeah I agree with this.

Thank you. I have a good relationship with my sibling and we do stuff together socially and help out where we can. I'm not sure they realise how I feel and I don't want to hurt their feelings so I'm not going to tell them.
Yes I see other people roll their eyes and make polite comments when the phone comes out with yet more photos. Strangers often looked perplexed.
I keep it to myself and I'd never ever let my own DC know how I feel as the burden is mine alone.

You are correct to not say anything to DCs but when your siblings aren't talking about their grandkids perhaps you can open up about your sadness. Once shared and out in the open, intense feelings often lose their power. You might eventually be able to share their delight in their grandchildren.

Yabu but it’s understandable.
Is there anyway you can be more involved with your siblings grandchild?

I know some people think I talk too much about my dd but it's partly social awkwardness. Of course I am very fond of her, but my brain seems to gravitate to certain subjects when chatting to people. I actually have a wide range of interests I love to read about, but I find myself falling back on the same topics in conversation. With my family I often end up talking about politics which is not a favourite topic for me, but we just seem to come round to it all the time. So it may be that your sibling has some reason for talking about their dgc that is different from what you might imagine.

It's OK to be happy for someone else and sad for yourself at the same time. I had a miscarriage a couple of years ago, swiftly followed by 9 friends announcing their pregnancies or new babies in the following weeks. I was devasted for myself every time but was happy for each of them. I would never want to diminish their happiness because of my sadness. I did step back from social media for a little while after, for a bit of self protection, but that was purely my choice.

Your sibling sounds like a crashing bore. Do you really think the recipients of her updates care?

If you are feeling sad about not having GC, you should share this with your sibling! They clearly share a lot with you!!

People get carried away, and often don’t realise the hurt they could be causing. It’s up to you to let them know, but in a calm and mature way, not in a pique of anger.

If you remove the fact it's a kid she's going on about (and we couldn't have kids) and replace it with a car, a holiday, a new kitchen...you will realise that your sister is just a bore. She has nothing else of worth to talk about. You are still the kids great aunt, so she thinks you are interested/invested like her. Personally I am with my great nephew/niece. But you need to perhaps have a gentle conversation or put up with it

Im sorry you wont have grandkids, especially if you want them. But YABU. Its not your siblings fault and you dont need to be bitter about hers. My family is in a similar situation, my mum adores her grandkids but my aunt cant have them. My aunt tries to get involved with my DCs, she loves them like her own. She doesnt begrudge my mum showing off about her grandkids, she joins in.
You say your sibling goes on and on, but she probably doesnt really. Youre envious and possibly being over sensitive to every detail. There's nothing wrong with a grandparent being proud and showing off. Handle your own feelings however you need to, but dont blame your sibling for being a regular grandparent. You say your DH has accepted not being a grandparent but you havent, so already you are resentful and probably feeling a little more conscious of everything your sibling is doing. Maybe seek counselling if you need some help in coming to terms with it.

Bitterness is not a good look

Rather than being jealous enjoy the little one too you are it's great aunty after all,

I have 2 wonderful gc but I only show photos or share their wonderfulness if someone seems interested eg by talking about theirs. It's different with family though. My only sibling never married or had dc but he understood when I talked about my dc/gc. He has died so I now have a much smaller receptive audience. I think you are bu.