To wear Pandora bracelets my ex husband bought me?

[TeaAndCake28]

I have been split from ex husband 8 years and divorced 5. When we were married he bought me a few Pandora bracelets that are pretty nice. New boyfriend (of 3 years) says if I wear them it means I still love him? I had to take it off the other day because boyfriend was getting short with me over it. I absolutely do not still love exh, but the bracelets are nice. Should I still wear them?

Please end it and document everything he does. Report to police. You have kids. You have to end it and protect them.

I could understand if, as someone else said, it was an engagement or wedding ring as they are supposed to symbolise the love you have for a particular person. Although I think some people could detach them from that and still enjoy wearing them and there’s nothing wrong with that!

The only thing I would think would be a bit odd if you had engraved jewellery with a message. Even then it’s not anyone else’s place to denigrate someone for it.

Also what if you DID still love your ex-husband? What of it? We can love more than one person at once. People get divorced for all sorts of reasons and there is often still love there, it just didn’t work out for some reason. Love isn’t a switch we can turn off. And there are different types of love. Some people still love their ex’s like a brother and are amicable.

You need to focus your efforts on stopping that.

It is madness to have this continue especially if children are involved.

That's not a relationships of consent!!!!

Tell him he's not welcome. Don't answer the door. Call the police if necessary.

If you have any friends or family have someone with you until he gets the message and goes away.
How long are you going to continue with that? 10 years? 20?

I am isolated and no family around. He is not getting the message. It seems to be all about him being a victim all the time. I am totally fed up with him. I crack on with my own life, we don't live together and are not intimate. But he wants to know what I am doing all the time and says I am texting other men, which I am not. He says I have never loved him and blames me for not wanting to be with him. If I say its over, he turns up. I dont want to live like this anymore!!!

Someone on another thread highlighted suzylamplugh.org saying they talked her through what to do.

You need to call the police if he harasses you and get a barring order if necessary.

Goodness you need help

https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/domestic-abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship

Block his numbers. Don't answer the door to him. If he turns up, shout through the door that you will be calling the police if he doesn't leave. Tell the police NOW on the non-emergency number that you have an ex who is harassing you and you feel in danger. As soon as you sent him a message telling him it's over, you are not in a relationship with him and he is harassing/stalking you which is a crime.

Your judgement seems pretty good to me Op but you're being too passive about him, you don't want him so tell him it's over. He can't make you answer the door or your phone. Tell him if he keeps bothering you you'll involve the police and mean it.

If his jealousy is triggered by the bracelets, I dread to think what thoughts he is harbouring about your children.

You said you aren’t intimate and don’t live together, so I’m wondering what he thinks your relationship is. Tell him again you want nothing more to do with him and that if he comes to your home again you will call the police and stick to that.

Dump.him today and have a happy Christmas.

I was about to say this!

Don't discuss whether you loved him or not when he starts those accusations.

Shut down all conversation with 'our relationship is over. You are harassing me'

Repeat, say nothing else.

Hang up
Shut the door

Usually the case!

OP, I used to have difficulty ending a bad relationship. I learned that you have to do exactly what Womeninconstruction says. No discussion — he’ll always take advantage of your kindness and talk you round.

You call the police. If he turns up you do not open the door you just ring the police and explain he won't leave you alone. Every single time despite any action or inaction they may or may not take. You call them. Several times if needed.

Also keep your doors locked. Change the locks if you have to.

YANBU at all! It’s a bit of a red flag for the new BF though. Jealousy may become an issue (if it isn’t already) and that can often lead to controlling behaviours. something to keep an eye on.

You do need help ending this relationship he is crossing a line. Get advice from the police or charities mentioned. No grey areas. He needs to be clearly told - do not contact me again, if you do you are harassing me.

You can't stand him? Wtf are you with him for then?

How old are your children?

If I were you I would tell all of the lies I needed to tell in order to get out of this relationship.

I would not tell him that you want to end it because of the braces argument because he's just going to argue against it. Men like this, who won't let women go when they try to end a relationship, can be dangerous.

I'd tell him that something else has happened like a family member is sick and because of that you feel unable to continue with the relationship because you need to focus on that.

"It's not you it's me."

says if I wear them it means I still love him?

Genuinely made me LOL

You need to report his behaviour to the police. Ask them for advice on what to say to him to tell him not to contact you and what to do if he turns up. Also ask them how you can apply for a non molestation order. They should have DV specialist staff who can advise you.

Keep the bracelets ditch the fella.

OP, surely you must see that this is harassment. You need to go to the police. This man isn't your boyfriend. He's a stalker.