11 year old bullied by a friend

[Helpwithfinances]

Hello.
I was wondering if anyone has any advice.
my DD, 11, is in a group of girls and is being badly picked on by one of them. I’ve decided to keep her off school tomorrow on last day of term as she was so distressed this evening.
The girl’s behaviour is quite volatile anyway but she forces my DD to go with her as a partner / sit with her etc and if she doesn’t she calls her names, swears at her and makes accusations and follows her around insulting her, this can last an entire day or more.
The problem is my daughter is very sensitive and has no ability to stand up for herself like some of the girls in her group have. She’s also very kind natured so wouldn’t dream of name calling back etc. She’s on waiting list for CAHMS for possible asd.
I’ve spoken to school about it several times and each time they chat to the girls, which immediately results in more picking on. My DD is having nightmares and begging not to go to school.
Does anyone have advice for similar situation, at my wit’s end.
i should add I have briefly spoken to the other parent but it hasn’t made any difference at all

When you say be a partner with do you mean when they work together? Is, there a chance do you think that this girl thinks this is banter and that they are actually friends? Not to say it's ok, but trying to understand the dynamic.

Sorry yes, partner in an activity, or sitting beside in lunch etc. The girl gets very mad if my DD already has agreed to go with someone else (although goes with this girl 90% of the time out of fear). The girl will then swear at her, call her names and accuse her of stuff and try to bully her into going with her. Defo not banter…
she has done this to other girls but they stood up for themselves which is basically impossible for my DD.

Can you dd move classes ? This might break the cycle and shift friendships.

It’s happened several times yes?

So has the school contacted this other child’s parents?

I would escalate it. Put it in an email to your daughter's Head (primary school) or Head of Year (secondary school). State it is bullying and emphasize that your daughter is vulnerable because of her probable SEND diagnosis.

Find your schools anti-bullying policy and read it so you know what SHOULD happen.

Request a meeting and be clear what you need. Ask chat gpt for help, just put in what you typed here.

Be prepared to be let down and demand that they follow policy. Escalate if/ when appropriate. Do not be fobbed off. It's exhausting and draining but you need to deal with this robustly and not let it start again as a new things each time. Escalate!

Sorry it's not the most structured answer, my brain's frazzled at the end of term! Good luck 🤞

Thank you. Would you wait until after the Christmas holidays to send an email?
I wouldn’t move her classes as she has several close friends in the class and none in the other ones, which would be even more catastrophic.

I don’t know, because when I email, the teacher speaks to the girls and replies to tell me he’ll keep monitoring the situation and checking in on my DD. But not sure if he’s spoken to you the other parent

Write now (and cc head and SENCO) before the new term so they can think about it before they clock off. The start of term will be too hectic. Say the current strategy isn't working and how distressed your daughter is and you'd like her to be separated in class from this girl and her parents spoken to. is she year 5 or 6?

Thank you. She is year 6, going to high school after the summer.

Either move schools, classes or home school for the remainder of the year. It isn’t going to stop and your child’s mental health is going to deteriorate

That feels a bit extreme and would be a nightmare for child with asd to move to a new school. We are also doing an enhanced transition to the local high school.

Email the Head today and cc class teacher. Say you look forward to a meeting in the new year. Good advice to say something like 'while I've appreciated Mrs Y'' efforts to deal with the situation my daughter's health is suffering because of the continued bullying. I appreciate this is best addressed in the new year...

Schools can and do improve these situations and I would avoid extreme responses. He firm, persistent, realistic and don't be scared to escalate.

Strategies to Handle School Bullying

1. Listen and Support
2. Stay calm and provide a safe space for your child to share their experiences.
3. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know it’s not their fault.
4. Document and Understand
5. Keep a detailed record of incidents, including dates, locations, and individuals involved.
6. Familiarize yourself with the school’s anti-bullying policies.
7. Communicate with the School
8. Report the bullying to the teacher, principal, or school counselor with specific details.
9. Approach the conversation as a collaboration to solve the issue.
10. Teach Coping Strategies
11. Encourage your child to stay calm and avoid reacting to provocations.
12. Help them practice assertive responses, such as, “Please stop. This isn’t okay.”
13. Suggest sticking with friends in situations where bullying might occur.
14. Monitor Mental Health
15. Watch for signs of anxiety, depression, or withdrawal.
16. Seek professional help if the bullying has a significant emotional impact.
17. Build Confidence and Resilience
18. Encourage activities that help your child develop skills and friendships, like sports or clubs.
19. Reinforce the message that your child is supported and valued at home.

Petermichel, what a banal use of chatgpt.

Thank you for all the advice