Is this gift giving situation unusual or am I a total Scrooge?

[helptodecide]

Perfectly willing to be told that I’m being unreasonable here. Genuinely unsure what the situation is in most large families.

DP is part of a large family and as a result we have multiple nieces and nephews (6 total). Me and DP are the only ones out of all his siblings who don’t have any kids, everyone else has at least 1. At Christmas we buy individual presents for all of our nieces and nephews, and this totals around £150, often a bit more. Everyone else in the family has their own children, so as well as buying gifts for everyone else’s kids they’re all getting presents for their child in return. A big present exchange is done every year on Christmas Morning, and we obviously don’t get anything from anyone as we don’t have children. For context the kids are all between 0 and 4.

Now I know you don’t give to receive, and obviously I don’t expect the kids to get me anything, which makes me think I’m being entirely unreasonable here. However it is a lot of money each year now there are so many of them! Would I be unreasonable to say look there are too many of them now for them all to get a present each, and maybe rejoin the huge gift giving exchange if/when we have our own?

Kind of theoretical as I know in reality we will probably keep buying them all presents come what may, just interested re what other people do in this situation?

I would limit the budget.

And that’s not a lot of nieces and nephews, we have 28!

I don't have children and this year have bought Christmas presents for 7 children. I will get no presents in return from the adults and nor do I want any. There used to be an adult exchange and it would usually end up in the charity shop, so when the idea came up to end that I was incredibly grateful, especially as I also found it a pain in the arse finding suitable presents for grown ups.

How about you reduce the budget you spend?

That would be completely and utterly unreasonable. Like, unbelievably stingy.

Kids under 4 don't need expensive gifts. A book is a great idea.

I grew up with both sides of my family being large and close-knit; aunts & uncles have absolutely been some of the most important support throughout my life and many of my cousins are more like siblings. But I don't believe a single one of my aunts and uncles ever bought me a Christmas or birthday gift and I never thought twice about it.

Alternatives we've used at various points with various parts of the family:

1. Name draws - one pool for kids, one pool for adults. If a kid draws a sibling or an adult draws their spouse just put it back and draw again. Everyone gets and gives from one person so the input and output equals out.
2. Family gifts - new boardgames suitable for all, meaningful/custom art for the home, crafting supplies, poufs for a game room, magnatiles or block set, garden toys, basket full of supplies for an ice-cream sunday party, a bluetooth speaker, etc. Usually these are directed at the kids and the parents are happy with that.
3. An agreement to spend gifting money on activities together. Sometimes that's all together (boxing day laser tag anyone? or a movie at the theater?) depending on gathering schedules but often times it's in small groups. So last year a SIL and I took a group to see the Nutcracker (after dressing up of course), DH and I took a different group to see monster trucks sometime in January, and oldest ones did a summer amusement park trip. Other years with very littles I've scheduled a time pre-holidays for parents to go out (to gift shop, have dinner, or just sit in their car in silence) and arrive with supplies to paint nails, bake & decorate cookies or individual pizzas, have a living room picnic, etc. We often end up spending more than we would buying standard gifts but we're able to spread it out more through the year and it feels like a better spend since we get fun time with the nieces and nephews in the bargain.
4. Everyone gets the same sort of small item - funny socks, temporary tattoos, a new knit hat or mittens/gloves, a water bottle, a coloring book.

My brother doesn't have kids, he buys for my kids and I buy for him and his wife. He doesn't buy for us, only the kids. This was our request not to buy for us because its unfair on him buying for my kids and for us. However, if I was buying for neices and nephews I'd never expect anything in return at all.

We do families now, rather than individuals. We've bought things like games compendiums, Articulate etc and received wine or biscuits in return.

That's not a lot of nieces/nephews. I have 30 cousins and we received from all of our auntie's and uncles, but from many of them it was just a fiver in a brown money envelope, which I was thrilled with as I loved saving money, and it all added up!

I think you're spending way too much for children under 4yrs, you could get away with a £5 budget, or push it to £10 if you really wanted, BUT as these are your partner's relatives, I'd just let him deal with it all and pay for it.

I sell children's gifts in that price range so if you need ideas for next year, feel free to PM me lol

My very generous sister has always been good to five nieces even helping with deposits. However, in your situation the parents always made sure the aunt got a gift from each family. Parents did not get a gift as it had become too much.
You cannot bring children up to think these things are a one way street and auntie is not just a cash cow. But a very loved and close family member

I agree with this. After all, they are your nieces and nephews so I assume you want to build a relationship with them moving forward. Find your niche. Perhaps it's books, perhaps it's some sort or quirky maths game/puzzle, perhaps a jigsaw. Unless you are really strapped for cash ( which doesn't seem to be the issue from your OP), I think you can be the bigger person here, and continue a christmas-spirited, present-buying tradition.

I agree with this. We buy for my in-laws with no children whilst the rest of us just swap gifts for the kids.