AIBU to wonder why the hell my mum was obsessed with the water bill?

[YourProudSnail]

We were only allowed to shower when she was in the bedroom (shower in en-suite) where she would wait in the bedroom and start counting the minutes down in her bedroom. Once 5 minutes was up she would shout to get out or barge in while I was in the shower.

This was done to "save money" at the time but looking back on it while we were on benefits we were definitely not poor (outlier case with high child maintenance and a paid off house due to accident) and there were no issues with money when she wanted a long hot bath every day.

I didn't think it was odd but the idea of doing this with own DC or a partner just seems absurd now I think about it. Even as a student where people were scraping by on £5-£10k a year absolutely no-one cared about how long people took in the shower (unless they needed to use ti obviously).

Maybe ask her?

I haven't spoke to her since turning 19 due to other more serious reasons, but yes that would be a good idea if not :)

It's the fact that she was allowed as much water as she wanted. And barging in once you have reached puberty is not ok either

That sounds unhinged. And it does not surprise me that you don’t speak to her, I’m guessing for many reasons!

Unless you were a fan of cold showers, it wasn’t just the water bill she was worrying about

Eh?

Also, unless you are very young, water meters would not have been in place. So you'd have been paying water rates that were fixed, no matter how much you used. Of course rampant waste of water isn't good, but sounds like this was a psychological thing for your mum. I'm sorry.

How could you be on benefits and high maintenance? It's only been in the last 15 years you could keep both. Are you quite young?

It costs money to heat up water. Either electric or gas depending on the system in the house.

Oh you mean the electric bill too. It just seems a bit odd though. I mean on non hair washing days I could easily be in and out in 2 mins. But I have lots of hair so there is no way I could be done in 5 mins on those days. And the sitting hovering and timing is really strange too

Op is 19 I think

Maybe not just the water but the cost of the electric too ?

It's hard to know the motivation without getting the other side of the story ?

Maybe she did have some sort of strange obsession with it. Or maybe there is some other explanation.

This is my main problem. If we were truly penniless and she was using a similar amount of water herself I'd get it, but I think she was getting around £2k a month in child support + benefits + had no mortgage to pay + had help from grandparents. Why the hell was she acting like we were desolate?

Yes she did that well into puberty as well.

And chances were you weren't on a water meter so it was just the heating of the water.

as I get older I see more that some people are all control and/or being better than others. This was control. She ran an intimate part of your life.

I always think why are people that way. Did she have little control of determination in her own life?

However you want to look at it I know it doesn't cost much from actually paying bills for years. Obviously you shouldn't waste it but it's not like the shower costs £1 a min to run.

That's definitely not ok op. I recall being deprived of drinks as a child whenever we are out and being more thirsty than I have ever been as an adult. There were no money worries with my parents either. I resent them massively for it

I'm 26.

Sounds like a controlling, obsessive thing on her part.

It costs a lot to heat up hot water, so wanting people to keep showers short isn't that unusual. I was asked not to take huge deep baths; we weren't broke, but money had to be carefully spent so that we did have the nice things.

It's the level of enforcement that seems unusual. Sometimes one specific thing becomes a battleground, especially if she thought you weren't sticking to the rules.

I'm so sorry. She did this along with not feeding enough at home to save a few pennies at Tesco even though I was clearly underweight.

I'm not sure how to answer that. She came from a middle class background, was extremely academic/capable of getting a high paying job and beautiful.

She certainly could have lived an incredible life yet seemed to make lots of very selfish decisions and alienated everyone in the family with hostility.

It would have made more sense for you to share bathwater which as an adult I think is grim but as a kid two or three of my family members would use the same water, I thought it was normal and we weren’t even hard up

Are there other examples of your mum depriving you so that she had enough for herself? E.g. food, clothing

To be honest I'd have hated sharing bathwater even more after puberty hahaha though we did do that before showering age.

She definitely did it with food and many people commented that I was too skinny/underweight. I was never very fashionable so didn't notice or care about clothing but my brother has commented on this.

She clearly is deeply unhappy and self destructive. Everyone I've met like that has a sense of entitlement to just be given things...perhaps her looks and the ease of passing exams may have lead to a shock in the real world

I once had a graduate work for me who couldn't understand why she wasn't promoted after 3 months in her first job which was in an insurance company. She objected that the woman with 5 years experience got it

Sadly I suspect she just sat down, calculated the amount of money she could get in benefits/child support without a mortgage to pay and realised it was similar/higher to working. DF (not great but much better) insists she stabbed holes in the condom.

I don't think she was actually unable to get a career going since she had no problems getting a great job once we moved out and child support stopped.