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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell MIL to stop?

40 replies

MotherOfOlafs · 19/12/2024 15:31

MIL is obsessed with cats, though she won’t have one herself for various reasons (lives too near a main road, goes on holiday a few times a year, etc). Recently she’s started letting a new neighbours cat come into her home, it started in the summer when she would have the bifold doors open, and she seems to have grown quite attached. She’s now taken to buying cat food/treats and calling to it when it passes through the garden, letting it in and feeding it, and ‘accidentally’ keeping it in her home for most of the day, once it was overnight! I’ve spoken to her about it but she seems to think it’s funny and that she and this cat have bonded. She says she will keep letting it in as it wants to be close to her. I’m not sure what to do about it, we live about 30 mins away so I don’t know the neighbours in question (not that I think she does either). I don’t want her to get in trouble either.

OP posts:
UnicornPrincess1 · 19/12/2024 15:49

She can be friendly with the cat without feeding it. I personally view it as trying to steal someone else's pet when people do this.

When I had 2 cats, 1 would rarely come home because he was faux adopted by a random neighbour who fed him. My other cat was more skittish so didn't get too friendly with the neighbours for a long while, and I'd see him at home at least daily for his food.

Being able to see your pet regularly is an important part of being able to check on their health; it's perfectly possible this cat is supposed to be on a special diet or medication and could be prevented form receiving it due to her actions. I might try to explain this to her?

itsmylife7 · 19/12/2024 15:51

I doubt anything you say will change her behaviour.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 19/12/2024 15:54

My NDN's cat appears to like our house, I don't mind him coming in, he's funny but I would never feed him. I return him home when someone gets in from work next door.

tiptoesfirst · 19/12/2024 15:55

I think it's really wrong for her to do this. What if this cat is the best friend of a disabled child and she's pinching it? She needs to get her hands off and get her own cat.

ItGhoul · 19/12/2024 16:00

I don't think you can stop her, but it's really shit behaviour on her part, and if I were the owner of the cat I'd be fucking livid that she was enticing my pet into her home and feeding it. Why the hell do people think this is OK?

Basically, she wants all the fun of having a pet while someone else pays the vet's fees.

MissDoubleU · 19/12/2024 16:04

It’s awful behaviour but I doubt she will stop, no matter what you say. You should be very frank though. If she says she’s bonded with the cat, retort that its owners are likely bonded too and potentially going sick with worry when it’s locked in/doesn’t come home at night. Her feeding the cat to encourage it in and tempt it away from its actual owners is a sort of theft and I wouldn’t be holding back on telling her how vile it is.

My cats are house cats but if they weren’t and someone else had kept it in I would be having panic attacks and all sorts. If she doesn’t know the neighbour she has no idea the kind of distress she is causing just because she wants to “have a bond” without any real responsibility. Ugh. I hate it.

DaisyChain505 · 19/12/2024 16:04

I would personally tell her to let the owners know that their cat visits her

They might get worried when their cat isn’t coming home over night etc

or it could have a medical condition meaning it’s on specific food

Original poster
MotherOfOlafs · 19/12/2024 16:06

UnicornPrincess1 · 19/12/2024 15:49

She can be friendly with the cat without feeding it. I personally view it as trying to steal someone else's pet when people do this.

When I had 2 cats, 1 would rarely come home because he was faux adopted by a random neighbour who fed him. My other cat was more skittish so didn't get too friendly with the neighbours for a long while, and I'd see him at home at least daily for his food.

Being able to see your pet regularly is an important part of being able to check on their health; it's perfectly possible this cat is supposed to be on a special diet or medication and could be prevented form receiving it due to her actions. I might try to explain this to her?

That’s the thing though, she’s had cats since she was a child, one she always talks about had an allergy that would make him sneeze like crazy. I think because it’s not her pet she sees it more as a toy to play with I guess?

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 19/12/2024 16:07

DaisyChain505 · 19/12/2024 16:04

I would personally tell her to let the owners know that their cat visits her

They might get worried when their cat isn’t coming home over night etc

or it could have a medical condition meaning it’s on specific food

Also this, yes. It’s very important not to feed random cats because A) you’re teaching it to stay away from its home and B) it could have any number of medical issues, food intolerances/allergies or be on a controlled diet for a reason.

What is she going to say when the neighbour comes back and says “you locked my cat in your house and now I have an emergency vet bill because of missed medication”

ObtuseMoose · 19/12/2024 16:07

tiptoesfirst · 19/12/2024 15:55

I think it's really wrong for her to do this. What if this cat is the best friend of a disabled child and she's pinching it? She needs to get her hands off and get her own cat.

What an odd stretch.
I don't think you need to do anything about it, why is it bothering you so much? A lot of cats decide where they're going to spend their time, people should keep them indoors if they don't want that to happen.

Original poster
MotherOfOlafs · 19/12/2024 16:08

DaisyChain505 · 19/12/2024 16:04

I would personally tell her to let the owners know that their cat visits her

They might get worried when their cat isn’t coming home over night etc

or it could have a medical condition meaning it’s on specific food

She says she doesn’t know the neighbours well enough to speak to, honestly the woman is infuriating!

OP posts:
Original poster
MotherOfOlafs · 19/12/2024 16:10

ObtuseMoose · 19/12/2024 16:07

What an odd stretch.
I don't think you need to do anything about it, why is it bothering you so much? A lot of cats decide where they're going to spend their time, people should keep them indoors if they don't want that to happen.

Show quote history

It bothers me as locking someone else’s pet purposefully in your home is wrong.

OP posts:
Strawbsss · 19/12/2024 16:16

My cat was taken in by a cat hoarder down my road.

She rarely came home because she was being fed there. When Storm Darragh hit, the person clearly let her out in it (which I would never do) and she was hit by a car and passed away outside my house. It was horrendous and I blame that man.

If she had been home I wouldn't have let her out in that horrendous weather.

I feel very strongly about people who do this 😭

Original poster
MotherOfOlafs · 19/12/2024 16:23

Strawbsss · 19/12/2024 16:16

My cat was taken in by a cat hoarder down my road.

She rarely came home because she was being fed there. When Storm Darragh hit, the person clearly let her out in it (which I would never do) and she was hit by a car and passed away outside my house. It was horrendous and I blame that man.

If she had been home I wouldn't have let her out in that horrendous weather.

I feel very strongly about people who do this 😭

That’s awful so sorry to hear that x

OP posts:
JingleB · 19/12/2024 16:25

People who do this are irresponsible and no real lover of animals. They put their own selfishness first.

Classicstripewastaken · 19/12/2024 16:27

It's really not okay to feed other people's pets. Our dog has various allergies, a very sensitive stomach and is prone to reflux on various common dog foods so her diet is quite strict to avoid her getting poorly. MIL might mean we'll but I'd be upset if someone was feeding my pet without any idea if it was even safe to do so.

dragonfliesandbees · 19/12/2024 16:31

I'm on the other side of this situation. A neighbour has been regularly feeding our cat. We suspected as much because we often see him sitting on her window ledge. We ended up knocking on her door one day when he hadn't been home all day (very unusual for him) and we were all really worried - my daughter was in tears she was so scared something terrible had happened to him. Turned out he had been sleeping in the neighbour's house all day. She doesn't have a cat flap so he had no way of getting out unless she opened the door or window for him. I asked if she had been feeding him and she admitted giving him a bowl of dry food every morning! He has been gaining weight despite becoming increasingly picky with food and often refusing meals at home. He was at the vet recently who confirmed he is now overweight. I told her this and asked that she stop feeding him. She was reluctant saying she thought it would upset him if she just suddenly stopped! But after some persuasion she agreed (although she has been sure to tell me that she feels mean when he comes to her meowing for food and how upsetting it is to say no to him!). She seems like a nice person and I don't think she meant any harm. But the fact is she was damaging his health by overfeeding him and causing distress to me and my family. Your MIL may think it's fun to have a cat visitor but her behaviour is actually incredibly selfish and I would have no qualms telling her that.

Mydoglovescheese · 19/12/2024 16:33

This may sound mean, but I'd let the neighbour know what's happening as talking to your MIL doesn't seem to work. My cat has twice daily medication which is vital to her well-being. If she missed a dose because a neighbour decided to keep her overnight she would suffer and that is unacceptable.

Laiste · 19/12/2024 16:33

I’m not sure what to do about it, we live about 30 mins away so I don’t know the neighbours in question (not that I think she does either). I don’t want her to get in trouble either.

Well you can tell her your feelings about it (i agree with you obvs) - then you'll feel like you've done your bit, so to speak. Mention about the problems with feeding a diet to an animal which isn't yours. That they pay the vets bills and not her, that their might be kids missing their pet while she makes the animal 'chose' her ect ect.

It sounds as if she'll take no notice of you, but at least you'll have tried.

Going forward i wouldn't engage in any giggly convo's about the cats in her house. I'd say coldly ''What - the other people's pets you lure in .... ?''

GettingStuffed · 19/12/2024 16:41

She sounds like the bitch next door, but can't be cos no one would touch her with a bargepole.
She actually catnapped it once and we reported her to the police for theft. Cue a visit by the local CSO.

itsalwaysthesame · 19/12/2024 16:44

Get her a kitten then as you only live 30 mins away you can have it when she goes on holiday? She sounds lonely and although she shouldn't be feeding it or keeping it in overnight your reaction is over the top. Also cats are meant to roam, keeping house cats is cruel.

It's not really any of your business what your MIL does, as long if she's not abusing it!

Pashazade · 19/12/2024 16:51

Have you told her she's a thief and somewhere there is a distressed family who wonder where their cat keeps going? It's really not on. Talk to it yes, feed it anything hard no!

StuntNun · 19/12/2024 16:54

Someone stole one of my cats by letting it in his house and feeding it. I ended up rehoming the cat as he hardly ever came home any more.

MyBirthdayMonth · 19/12/2024 17:03

Entertaining someone else's cat is fine because it's the cat's choice, but feeding someone else's cat is crossing a line. If MIL wants a cat, she should get one and make suitable arrangements when she goes away.

ExtraOnions · 19/12/2024 17:09

Maybe the neighbours aren’t bothered? If you are that insistent on getting annoyed on someone else’s behalf, why not go see the neighbor.

My brother had similar, the neighbour wasn’t bothered, and now the cat lives with him full time