Male friends - dilemma

[Magentas]

So I’ve always preferred the company of men over women as friends. I find them easier to talk to and I think being neurodivergent (AUHD) I find men easier to read and less passive aggressive/complicated!

However, every male friend I’ve had, (except my gay friend) have started off fine and I always feel lucky to have met someone I get along with, then after a while of being friends they normally tell me they have developed feelings for me, a couple have said they’re in love with me.
It then spoils the whole friendship. I’m thinking sticking to gay men and women is the only way forward now.
I am also in a long term relationship/ cohabiting with the father of my child.

Its just happened again, got to know a guy through a mutual interest group a few years ago, we’ve met up as a group and then separately for a coffee, he suggested a few weeks ago we go to a film together - one which we both share an interest in. I have no attraction to this man, I just like him as any other friend, I enjoy his company, his conversation and we have a laugh together. He knows I live with my partner and son, he’s met them a couple of times and even been to our house. He’s now messaged me and told me he’s got feelings for me and can’t stop thinking of me. So he’s going to stop coming to this group for now. It’s made me feel really sad as I enjoyed the fun we all have there. It just feels like this happens every time.
I don’t have many female friends, mostly male. Soon it feels like I’m going to end up with none at all!

Women often rattle this line off to be the "cool girl" but it's really steeped in misogyny and stereotypes. (Like you cited above)

I've worked in a male dominated industry for 25 years, and I can tell you plutonic relationships can work but the best friendships are always with women IMO.

You are sendig out mixed and confusing signals to these men who you want to be friends with. This may be because of your ND, but nonetheless, the responsibility is on you. For example, while everyone has different standards of what they consider to be acceptable in terms of male-female frienships when in a relationship, I think most people would think that going to a movie with a man you don't know well or for long is more like a date, than just two friends. That may or may not be fair, but it is what it is.

I'm also not really comfortable with your "woman are passive aggressive/complicated" theory. It smacks of internalised misogyny and frankly is simply untrue. Based on the fact that all these men seem to hav feelings for you, it seems more likely to me that you do not understand or appreciate how friendships usually work between women and htat your approach to friendship is intrinsically sexualised.

I have no idea what resources are available for someone like you to help you with this but perhaps a therapist who specialises in working with ND people might be helpful.

if this has happened more than once, you must be doing something to lead them on.

I enjoy male friendships. I get different things out of a friendship with men than I do women. Not better, just different. I am however aware that things can be misinterpreted so I am hyper aware of signals I might be giving off. There have been times when I got a strong sense that the male friend might have something else in mind so I pull back a bit.

It does add a bit of complexity but male friends are worth having so perhaps reflect a little on the signals you might inadvertently be giving off.

Sorry to say but very very few men want platonic friendships with women.

You find men less complicated, and yet every "friendship" you've had with a man apart from your gay friend, has ended up being complicated.

Maybe it's finally time to park your misogyny to one side, and give friendships with women a try.

I am similar to yourself; rarely click with women, if I do they are often much older than me (I'm early thirties now), but form great bonds with men.

I was raised with four brothers, and have spent most of my career in heavily male dominated industries, so whether it's just exposure, or some other reason I'm not sure.
I do score high on autism tests but am not diagnosed and don't consider myself to need support.

I do find men simpler, until your relationship develops beyond typical male friendships.

Within female relationships it seems normal to share 'I love you' and tell each other how much we care, feel protective of one another etc. however, this doesn't seem typical in male relationships so I think it's a bit confusing when the relationship hits this level and they assume it's romantic, rather than just loving a friend.
My 'best friend' of 14years is male, we went through this phase, and have revisited during trying times such as his mother having cancer etc when I have been that rock for him. I've also had similar chats with other males in my circle, once I suggest it could be friendship love rather than anything romantic, they seem able to reconsider.

For the record, I'm very happily married and DH sees no issues with my friendships, if anything he loves that I get on with his mates so well and he can enjoy mine!

That's not to say I'm telling them all I love them! Just the feeling when somebody becomes important to you.

And yet you still think they are better to befriend than women. Do you think maybe you subconciously like the attention? I've had the same experience and now actively avoid men.

I find men easier to read and less passive aggressive/complicated!

Well your obviously not reading them very well. Men don't just "develop feelings", definitly not 100% of the time, and definitely not when you've set clear boundaries, for instance, not once in any of my relationships with what must be hundreds of male work colleagues over the years have any of them "developed feelings" for me - and by that I mean, there is obviously something I'm doing in those relationships that you're not, or something that you're doing that I'm not.

I also don't have any relationships with female friends who are passive aggressive or complicated. All my female friends are beautiful people who enrich my life in some way.

You are sounding very much like a "pick me" girl, and if thats the case, there's a reason why all the women in your life are passive aggressive, and none of the men know your boundaries.