To think my DH is vile

[Godihatehim]

I’ve had no relationship with my brother for the past 7 years due to his drug addiction (heroin). He’s in rehab now and is doing amazing he rings me every night. I’m so proud of him I know it’s early days but I can’t believe we are even here. I lost another brother to addiction in 2007 so I was preparing to loose another brother so this is the best outcome.

DH has just came in from work and I was talking to him about me and my brothers conversation. He goes your making out like he’s healed he’s only 4 weeks in. That man will never get clean. I mentioned to him that he’s going for a Christmas dinner tomorrow which was donated by the restaurant to the rehab. He said that’s absolutely disgusting giving a 3 course meal to a bunch of junkies when we have homeless people on the streets. Everything he says about my brother is negative. It’s almost like he is jealous in a weird way!

Im so put off by his behaviour he is disgusting.

I can understand why he may be doubtful of your brothers chance of recovery, but he shouldn’t be voicing it like that. It could go either way but should have kept it in his head and just tried to adopt a more positive outlook or at least say nothing at all.

It’s both unkind and strange for him to say the food should’ve went to homeless people on the street instead of “junkies”, considering many (not all) homeless street sleepers do have substance issues anyway. So it does sound a bit malicious.

Is there some kind of backstory? Has he had run ins with your brother before?

He's jealous of the attention you're giving your brother. Does he not think that some of the homeless people mightn't be addicted to drugs as well?

He's not jealous.

He doesn't trust your brother.

Sorry op but while his words are harsh (and the comparison between homeless people and addicts a bit mean) he has a point that a few weeks of rehab don't make a healed man, especially after so many years of hurt.

He's seen what addictive behaviour has done to your family and how it affects you (I mean you've already lost a brother) so I think he has every right to be a bit angry that he's having to go through the motions again. Sure it might be successful this time around but how many times have you been here? That's what he's reacting to.

Addiction is horrible, it's a disease, and I hope your brother makes it, but give your husband a bit of a break. As someone who's had to deal with an addicted partner (gambling rather than drugs) I get his frustration, anger and sadness.

Good on your brother for making the effort,he will have to dump old acquaintances who are still involved and keep occupied to fill his days and navigate any triggers that would set off the want for a hit.
Weird being jealous of someone with an addiction to heroin,I live on a bus route that see's addicts getting on and off and they remind me of hamsters on a wheel doing the same thing day in day out.
Hopefully your brother makes it.

No my brother use to pop in when we lived locally but that was often for a chat and they got on fine but we moved away.

I don’t know it seems awfully negative he talks as if he hates him. My brother has never done anything wrong to him or caused us any trouble.

I absolutely love my brother and I will support him regardless of what DH thinks.

Maybe you need to have a chat with him? If he has for some reason developed a dislike of your brother, you could try get to the bottom of it.

Or ask him at the very least to keep the negative comments to himself. However it means you will probably not be able to talk freely about your brothers progress with him.

I absolutely love my brother and I will support him regardless of what DH thinks

Fair enough.

I would see it as your husband seeing you hurt time and time again and saying (badly) that he doesn’t want you to get your hopes up.

Well done to your brother for getting to this point.

Could you say to your husband “I see your point but I have to believe in the positive. If it goes bad, please don’t say ‘I told you so’ “?

Regardless of how he feels, it's cruel and insensitive of him to talk about your brother that way, especially as you've lost one brother already 😔 I don't think I'd want to be with someone who was so insensitive to my feelings to be honest.

If your brother has never done anything wrong to you then why did you cut him off for 7 years?

Surely as a minimum your husband has witnessed your emotional suffering from losing 1 brother to addiction and the other continuing on the same path.

I have no idea why some posters are trying to suggest your husband is jealous. Jealousy is always the go to answer on so many threads. Fallen out with a friend - jealously. Sil giving you looks - jealousy. The more likely scenario is the husband knows the brother will break his wife's heart again when he goes back to heroin.

Your husband has witnessed the pain you’ve gone through due to your brother’s addiction. I’m betting he’s held you while you sobbed on his shoulder.

Of COURSE he’s mad at your brother. Your brother hurt his wife! He doesn’t trust him in the slightest. He doesn’t want to watch you get hurt again.

You thought your brother would die from his addiction, haven’t talked to him in seven years, yet you’re angry with your husband for not jumping onboard the ‘brother is better!’ train with you.

Seems to me that your husband is being perfectly reasonable in not wanting to rush headlong into believing everything is fine now.

Agreed.

4 weeks is nothing, and statistically? Odds are against it lasting.

Your husband just doesn't want to be back here in a month picking up the pieces again because your brother is using.

You might love your brother, but your husband doesn't, and it doesn't sound like he has a reason to.