To regret getting in contact with her?

[Helloqqq]

I got in touch with an old work colleague, I just reacted to her WhatsApp status of her child’s birthday and congratulated her. From there it’s been a few messages here and there. She wanted to meet up this week and I said it will be lovely as our kids are same age and they’ve in the past met when we have bumped into each other. So all good I thought we could catch up for an hour or so but turns out she wants to meet up in the evening for dinner and drinks. Problem is I feel I can’t back out now as that will be rude. I agreed initially thinking we’re gonna meet up in the day for coffee at the most an hour or two but I really don’t fancy a whole evening when I’m exhausted and still haven’t got anything ready for Xmas. I’m still working too till Saturday.

I really don’t know what to do. She’s the type that doesn’t respond till a couple of days so this back and forth messsgibg has been going on for 2 weeks. It’s stressing me as if I do send a message to explain I thought it was during the day we were meeting she won’t reply back till the day we’re actually supposed to be meeting. I know it sounds strange but I’m really stressed at the moment. Would you just go and get it over and done with and in future don’t readily agree unless you know full details or would you make an excuse now?

I'd reply immediately and say sorry, there's been a misunderstanding, I thought you were suggesting meeting during the day with the children. I don't have a single free evening now until the new year. Would you have time for a coffee and a chat that day at say 3pm? Please let me know asap, it would be lovely to see you.

Well surely you just say “oh sorry, was thinking more of a coffee with the kids for an hour or two, I’m a bit pushed for time for an evening out”. There - sorted!

Just say, ‘Sorry for the misunderstanding. I just meant a daytime coffee.’

Just say you’re not going to be able to have an evening out. You can have coffee in the day and if she gets the hump, let her go.

That would have been the sensible way to approach it! But being the idiot I am I received her message yesterday and as I was working and distracted I replied with a rather overly enthusiastic messsge of sounds lovely I can’t wait! I know I’m so silly. I genuinely think it’s a nice idea but now I’m actually looking at the logistics I just don’t know what I was thinking.

Exactly 😳

Have you got a date?

Surely now you just say no sorry, can’t do any of these evenings. Let’s make it in the NY now.

Oh dear! In that case, I'd suggest a message saying exactly that - you were busy at work and replied without reading her message properly or checking your diary. You'd love an evening out with her, but it's impossible before January. Meanwhile it would be great to meet during the day with the children if you can find a time that works for both of you.

Just tell the truth for heaven’s sake. Tell her you were working and only skim read the message. You’d love to meet up in the day, but can’t manage an evening 🙄 It’s really not that difficult!

Just message and say you had wanted to meet for a cuppa daytime, you don't have the time or cash for a night out etc. Be careful not to say anything like 'before Christmas' because she might just ask again after Christmas.

You can definitely still have ‘misunderstood’ OP. There is no way most people would have time for an evening out this week unless planned three plus months ago. I would not go because it’s clearly really inconvenient right now. It was lovely of you to get in touch with your colleague but put yourself first.

So just go back now and say sorry, I should have said when I replied I can’t do evenings I was hoping to meet you at a coffee shop and we bring the kids

Thank you. I’m not making excuses but I have very low self esteem and I am a people pleaser. It’s really difficult situations like this. I suppose I could ask if she wa us to meet up for lunch instead? We could still have a drink but I can be home relatively early. I think I have social anxiety too as things like this stay on my mind. I’m not sure tho as friends I’ve known for a while I do t feel this way around them.

"Love the sound of that but I think time is a bit too tight for me to manage anything other than x-y sort of time. Would that work for you? If not, let's move it to the new year and do it properly!"

This wasn’t a big deal but you’ve committed now so your options are

go
tell the truth
fell her you’ve got a vomiting bug!

Thank you all. I just feel messages are really difficult for me as I find it so much easier just chatting face to face. Today for example my department had a dinner arranged but I was able to tell them I can’t make it and felt no anxiety doing this. Had it been via WhatsApp I would have felt unable to say no! I know that’s really weird

Xmas work dinner just for dept I mean. I feel no stress of saying no to that but this is causing me so much anxiety.

Why don't you ring her and explain that you're over committed with Christmas/busy at work with end of year stuff but would love to meet for coffee.

I say this with kindness OP,but you don't owe this woman anything. Simply explain that you are not able to have an evening meet up at the present time due to various commitments,but a day time meet up for coffee would be lovely. If she takes offence,that's her problem!

It’s still easily solved. In this case, I’d send a message along the lines of, ‘’Hi (friend’s name), I know we agreed to go for dinner and drinks soon, but having thought about it, I think I got too ahead of myself because what with Christmas and new year I’m so busy and strapped for cash due to several family/work events plus buying gifts and I can’t really commit to more than a daytime coffee right now. I can’t wait to meet up though, it will be lovely to see you. Let me know when you’re free to meet in the week’’ 🙂

Done!

I'm behind on Christmas organising! Instead we could do coffee on the 5th/6th/7th Jan!? Bring the kids ☺️

Simple, honest, no fluff, it's clear, and offering a new idea.