Xmas Day

[Rightplace]

My adult daughter is coming to stay for Christmas day and a couple of nights. She lives with her boyfriend who is quite a lot older he has two young children and was going to see them on Christmas Day with his large extended family. They have both been away recently for a month so I haven’t seen her for some time and his children haven’t seen him. He has now asked if there is space to come Christmas Day. I had booked a meal out in a restaurant as it was only the two of us. It’s really expensive and had I known there would be three of us I would have cooked.
He will expect me to pay and I just can’t afford it. There is always a last-minute drama with him or change of plans. And I just feel stressed to explain I will ask the restaurant and explain the costs. I feel he may have asked just to stir things up a bit as he always brings chaos and drama. I know he will complain about everything if he comes. But will welcome him because I love my daughter and don’t want to cause any rift.

AIBU? What shall I do? I don’t want to upset anyone but also don’t want to be a doormat.

He will expect me to pay and I just can’t afford it.

Lol

He can expect what he wants, doesn't mean he's going to get it, does it?

Tell him and tell your daughter no.

Can they add an extra person to your booking? If so, say yes. Tell him the plans and price, lie and say it's pay in advance in full, by this Friday to secure HIS seat. If he pays, he comes. And if he doesn't pay, he doesn't come. Make sure you pay in advance too so he doesn't catch you in a lie on the day 😅

The danger is your DD will also back out but TBF if she expects you to mother her partner then maybe that's the best solution.

Say" Yes I've love him to come. He needs to call the restaurant to book, we're going to XXX and it's an extra £50.

This!

You could just say “I don’t know whether the restaurant is fully booked” and then leave the ball in their court. If they ask you to find out, say “can you do it?” All the pubs/restaurants round my way will be fully booked by now.

I'd just be honest. Tell your daughter something like "he's more than welcome, but it's really expensive and I only thought it was us two. Can't afford another seat, so he'll have to cover that. Shall I send the menu so he can see what he fancies?"

Just keep it light. No point in lying, it'll only backfire in my opinion. He's a grown man, he's infringing on plans not intended for him - he can put his hand in his pocket.

Agree with answering that he will need to ring the resteraunt and see if there's a place, and add in the cost will be so and so. I'd assume you've paid a deposit or in advance for the booking? He can forward you the money in advance if so to make things easier (I.e. so he doesn't bunk out by forgetting his wallet on the day)

I might have read the 'AIBU differently ??
I think YABU to be stressed or be considering the request when you don't want him.

You just say "No, sorry, we can't add anyone to our booking. You said you were spending the day with your dc".

End of.

Don't let him call the restaurant he could cancel for all you know! Suspect they are full. Ring and check and then relay the good news.

Don't even phone and check, just say the restaurant is fully booked. Tell them he's welcome to still come but he as he can't join you for the meal, you'll make sure there's bread and cheese in for him to make himself a toastie.

I agree, just say oh yes I called the restaurant and they laughed and said no sorry we can't fit another person in. He sounds horrendous. I hope your daughter has a better 2025 without him.

You say you will welcome him, so call the restaurant and ask if they can add another place. If they can, let him know how much that place will cost and how much he’ll need to pay. That’s being welcoming and not being a doormat. He can then choose whether to come or not.

Just add him and say can he send the the money as it has to be prepaid. The cost is £ xxx