Hi,
posting here because I feel I’m at the end of my rope I need advice…
for weeks and weeks I’ve not been suicidal but I’ve been sleeping all the time more and more because I feel there’s no point to life and I don’t want to do anything. I feel deflated and just angry at the world and life. I don’t want to work, I don’t want to socialise, I don’t want to do anything!
I ignore friends and acquaintances because I can’t be asked for life or anything and I feel they have people in their lives they prefer anyway everyone’s better off without me. Then I feel terrible because I know I’m messing my life up. It’s also because I have massive past trauma like bullying, sexual abuse, friends have cut me loose for no reason just got bored and moved on to better people. I am not asking for pity I just hope one person reads this and can give me some advice or something, I don’t really have anyone to talk to. My mum is amazing but she doesn’t understand and has been ill recently so don’t want to worry her, I put on a mask mostly for my best friend and partner as I don’t want them to get fed up and leave me. I’ve spoke to mental health service in my area like the crisis team in the past I was crying and suicidal cos I was raped and the man on the end of the phone asked “well why are you depressed because of that?” And then on I never interacted again and of course it got said that I wasn’t engaging. lol.
im done with life I’m not going to attempt suicide because been there done that never got any help and survived plus it’s a final option but is anyone else just done with life? Done with the effort of staying alive, done with forming friendships for them to leave? It’s like when I wake up it’s the same rubbish and the same feelings. I feel so deeply sad and done with life, I’ve tried so hard to help myself I really have, it’s not a lack of effort which is a common misconception. I always feel bad for leeching off the government for peoples money because I’m too messed up to hold down a job. What do I even do? I’d love to reach out to someone like Samaritans but places like that in the past always seemed so robotic and by the time I opened up the conversation had to end for another service user. I don’t even know if I’m depressed because I’m not lashing out or cutting anymore even though recently I have binge drank and drank a whole bottle of wine along with other spirits. I’m not lashing out or openly screaming for help anymore, I just feel done. I always feel disassociated. I don’t know what’s wrong with me please someone help