Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be a little fed up with this relationship?

18 replies

LeaderBee · 18/12/2024 16:53

Met someone last year and eventually started a relationship, partner seemed to struggle with flirtatious texts at the start and has never really "got it" so i stopped bothering.
they live about an hours drive away from me and own a rescue dog they don't like to leave alone for very long, so they have never visited my house (they don't even know where i live, after a year)

when I do visit, I tend to spend Friday-Monday morning with them, as I need to get back to my city for work but oftentimes during my weekend stays I will find myself entertaining myself on my phone, reading reddit or scrolling youtube because they always seem to have some sort of housework on the go or other errands.

on top of this, i'm beginning to think they are on the A-sexual spectrum somehow, because (i've not been counting) we've probably had sex only a few more times than there are months in the year, in the just over a year we have been seeing each other, - they I am 38, they are just recently 40.
More recently, we had tried to get "intimate" while the dog was out of the way - I spent plenty of time doing something for them but we were interrupted by said doggo and intimate time ended with nothing for me.

This seems to be a recurring pattern of not reciprocating and it's starting to make me feel like i am not found attractive or that they are really interested in me, we don't even regularly cuddle up to watch a movie when i'm there.

AIBU to keep visiting if i don't feel like i'm getting enough attention?

OP posts:
CryptoFascist · 18/12/2024 16:57

Doesn't sound like they are that bothered about you. I would walk away from this one, it's a non-starter.

WickedlyCharmed · 18/12/2024 16:57

Sorry if this is a bit harsh but…

This seems less of a relationship and more like you imposing yourself on this person every weekend.

They can’t even muster up enough interest in you to find out where you live.

If you just didn’t turn up there on Friday, what would happen?

LeaderBee · 18/12/2024 17:53

WickedlyCharmed · 18/12/2024 16:57

Sorry if this is a bit harsh but…

This seems less of a relationship and more like you imposing yourself on this person every weekend.

They can’t even muster up enough interest in you to find out where you live.

If you just didn’t turn up there on Friday, what would happen?

It's not like i just turn up, I let them know and theres been a few occasions now where I've felt like its not worth going, and made excuses so i could have a more fulfilling weekend to myself.

But yeah, it's not like they're asking to see me all that much or make that much of an effort to ask me over.

I guess im putting out feelers for others opinions because ive had one other serious relationship as an adult and it was the complete opposite, i felt wanted, missed and needed.

OP posts:
1smallhamsterfoot · 18/12/2024 17:57

Why bother? They obviously don't give a toss

Alalalala · 18/12/2024 17:59

Dysfunctional, odd and a waste of time OP.

Ace56 · 18/12/2024 18:00

If you don’t mention seeing them on the weekend, would they mention it? As in ‘are you coming on Friday?’ Or would they just let it slide. I’d test that one week and see. Sounds like they’re not too bothered if you’re there or not. I broke up with an ex for a similar reason.

Justmuddlingalong · 18/12/2024 18:02

Nah, move on.

AmICrazyToEvenBother · 18/12/2024 18:03

It doesn't sound like much fun, OP, or thst you're getting anything out of this relationship.

Why waste your time? Call it quits.

user2848502016 · 18/12/2024 18:03

It just doesn't sound like you're compatible long term. Time to call it a day I would say

LeaderBee · 18/12/2024 18:12

Ace56 · 18/12/2024 18:00

If you don’t mention seeing them on the weekend, would they mention it? As in ‘are you coming on Friday?’ Or would they just let it slide. I’d test that one week and see. Sounds like they’re not too bothered if you’re there or not. I broke up with an ex for a similar reason.

How did you broach the subject when it came time???

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 18/12/2024 18:17

Your aren't well suited. That being said, Friday to Monday regularly is going to result in downtime e.g. stati g at a phone, it isn't possible to 'host' for that length of time.

Call time on this. Relationships aren't supposed to bore you.

GiddyRobin · 18/12/2024 18:20

I wouldn't waste my time. They don't come to see you, don't show any signs of romance, won't have sex often, won't reciprocate when you do, and the bloody dog seems to be the be all and end all of their lives. I've got two dogs, we still live our life and have plenty of sex and time alone/away doing things. Dog can come with. Or go and lie down elsewhere.

Waste of energy in my eyes. Throw this one back. It sounds to me like they're happy to have a vague "companion" but not an actual partner.

ShouldIEvenBother · 18/12/2024 18:23

At best it sounds very boring.
At worst, it sounds like you're neglected in this relationship, OP.

I'd end it. Move on. You'll probably move on from them quite quickly - what is there to miss? 🌺

Cosyblankets · 18/12/2024 18:27

When you're on your way there do you feel excited?
There's your answer

Toopulululu · 18/12/2024 18:28

What’s all this bringing to your life? Is it enhancing your life in anyway?

You’ve got three choices really.

You carry on as you are and it’s inevitably going to peter out.

You sit him down and talk to him about it and see if you can resolve it.

You end it.

Toopulululu · 18/12/2024 18:29

As for the dog, unless he lives in an open plan warehouse loft or a bedsit, can’t you just close the bedroom door?

Ace56 · 18/12/2024 18:32

LeaderBee · 18/12/2024 18:12

How did you broach the subject when it came time???

I was just very honest and said ‘sometimes it feels like you’re not too bothered about seeing me, like it doesn’t make much difference to you if I’m there or not.’ He then went on about how busy he was and that maybe he didn’t have time for a relationship. So he came to the conclusion on his own.

Summerhillsquare · 18/12/2024 18:37

She's just not that into you.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread