AIBU to go no contact with grandparent?

[Sunnysidedo]

Just after some opinions please.

My sister died this year aged 32 after a traumatic but short fight with cancer. One of my parents was diagnosed with cancer shortly after my sister's death.

My grandparent hasn't reached out to me at all. Not even a phone call (I did update them when my sister died). The grandparent didn't attend my sister's funeral (with no reasonable excuse provided), but has since attended other family events with wider family.

I haven't spoken to my grandparent at all since my sister's death. I just can't get past not going to their own granddaughter's funeral. It just seems disrespectful. Funeral flowers were arranged by the grandparent so they knew when it was.

I honestly feel like I can't forgive the lack of care shown by them during the worst year of my life.

Am I being petty?

Are they normally nice? Could it be that they couldn't accept the fact they had outlived their grandchild? That must be pretty horrific. Were they too ill and didn't want to bother you with their own woes?

I'm sorry for your loss

I think it’s too difficult to tell from just this brief snapshot. It might be that they’re blinded by grief, or that they didn’t want to disturb you, or that they were more concerned about your parent, or they simply couldn’t face the funeral. Sometimes, our ability to care for others is not what it should be.

Or it might be that they’re a dreadful person who makes everything about them.

I’m sorry for your loss and I hope your parent is doing ok.

I’ve known people to distance themselves when someone was very ill because it was genuinely unbearable for them. Depending on what your grandmother is like this could be just disinterest or overwhelming grief.

How awful. I'd struggle to get past this too. Might be worth having a conversation to see if there's a "valid" reason (struggling to think of one but they might see it as valid) and then take it from there. X

Are you not normally close? It seems very strange behaviour

Grief is a funny thing. You say you haven’t spoken to them since your sister died. This means you haven’t reached out to them, just like they haven’t reached out to you. If they are otherwise loving and you are close, I’d give them a bit of grace. They are no less bereaved than you are. If they have long been assholes and you aren’t close, then I’d not make any effort, no. And sorry for your loss.

I think it's so unlikely you'll have a grandparent around for ever, I can understand you're hurt but they sent flowers, that sounds respectful to me. Being there in person isn't always possible. Do you have other family members that might help?