Young adults and learning to drive

[loveawineloveacrisp]

AIBU to think that young adults should learn to drive as soon as they can, if they have the means?

Eldest DSS is 25 and due to visit from his home town for Xmas. He'll be expecting his dad to taxi him around all Christmas like he's still 12 years old as he simply can't be arsed learning to drive. He earns well and has the means to learn, run a car etc.

Youngest is 19 and not showing any interest in driving either, is still ferried back and forth between mum's house and dad's house like a small child. Drives me nuts. When will it end? When they're 30? 40?

That is if there is Uber and public transport in the area

I didn’t learn to drive until I was 25/26. I left home before 18 so never had the chance to have lessons as I was always studying and working simultaneously. Then when I finished my studies I was doing crazy hours at work (60-80 hour weeks) and lived in big cities so didn’t need to drive, nor had the time for it.

Moved somewhere smaller and not well connected at 24, and spent a couple of years using public transport which took 2-3 times as long as the car would have, but I never ever expected my parents or friends to ferry me around.

I was an adult and earning so I either got the train or paid for a taxi. My family also wouldn’t have entertained multiple lifts everywhere. I only occasionally got a lift if they were driving in the same direction, or was collected from the airport if I had heavy luggage and they weren’t at work.

If you live in a big city, driving is pointless, as long as you never leave the big city.

As for using Ubers, eldest (is the earning adult) looks to his dad to pay if he does ask him to get a taxi home if he's had a drink or whatever. Just like he expects all his meals/drinks paid for if they go out. Winds me up no end. He's an adult, earning a bloody salary.

I learnt to drive at 17 in Norfolk and have pretty much had a car since (now 35), aside for a couple of years at uni. I can't imagine life without driving/ having a car. It's so convenient it's something that I would say is 100% worth paying to put the work into learning.

I now live in Leeds which has ok, but not great public transport. If pushed, I could manage without a car but my wife needs a car for her commute to work (school teacher in a neighbouring town) as it wouldn't be possible on public transport, and would cost £30+ each way in a taxi. I often use public transport locally as it's easier (I would get the train or cycle to work at my previous job) but trying to do any long distance or semi rural uk travel on public transport is a nightmare, and the price of trains these days is just crazy.

For instance, I wanted to visit some friends in London recently and it would have cost over £200 for my wife and I to get the train, so we drove, and it cost us half a tank of diesel (about £30). As others have said, I don't have an issue with people who chose not to drive and are self sufficient, but used to find it annoying when non driving friends expected lifts to places which would involve me going out of my way to pick them up, and weren't willing to contribute to fuel costs. Luckily most of the worst offenders have passed their tests and have cars now!

I don't get why you're so shocked a young person wouldn't want to learn to drive. It's a huge financial outlay and a hassle to take lessons and tests and if it's not something he needs, it won't seem worth it. It's also not environmentally friendly, which matters to a lot of young people.

I'm someone who didn't learn to drive until my mid 30s. I managed fine until I had a baby, then I found a car would be useful, so I learned. I live in a city so before that so I just didn't need it.

As is so often said on MN - you have a dh problem.

My dh would laugh if one of our dc (all adults and earning) asked him to pay for a taxi for them.

I didn't drive until my late 20s as had no need for a car living in the city. The problem isn't that they don't drive, it's that they are sponging off you instead of paying for an Uber or public transport like any normal adult with their own money.

Where we used to live a property with parking was much more expensive than one without, so much so it was cheaper for me to buy a garage for £26k. We now live in another city, our car is a pointless moneypit as the cost of parking anywhere is higher than using public transport.

Well it seems like this isn't a case of them needing to drive but more making them use alternative means

I didn't learn until I was 22.

Learning is expensive, time consuming and it's almost impossible to get a test. Insurance is incredibly expensive, as is running a car. Yes his dad ferrying him around is a pain, but his dad is an adult. Clearly he copes day to day.

I grew up in Leeds and passed at 17. I am in London and both my kids passed before they went to uni. It was a priority for me to give them that chance and luckily we could afford it.

Having said that, the older one is a nervous driver and doesn’t want to drive yet. Whereas the younger one loves whizzing off to see her friends in my car.

I am not pressuring the older one to drive. She has her licence. When she is ready to commit to practising, she will.

Car insurance costs a bomb for young adults so I doubt they will get their own cars till 25.

I think people underestimate just how expensive insurance is.

My friend had her car written off at 23. Not her fault, a drunk driver smashed into her. She was lucky to stay alive, the drunk driver was sent to prison and all the rest.

Her insurance sky rocketed to nearly £10k. Because of an incident that wasn't her fault. She had to scrape it together, with the help of multiple family members and a loan, because she had to drive to work. But it's just ridiculous how expensive it is.

Driving is a privilege, not a right.

I've thought for years that the learning age needs to increase. It was set when the vast majority of young adults left school at 15/16 and had been working and functioning as young adults for a couple of years before driving.
The majority now do not enter adulthood until much older.
Driving is not a child's activity. It requires maturity and judgement.

Learning to navigate public transport independently is probably a better life skill.

It'll end when your dp stops driving them around and giving them money like a mug.

Well that’s ridiculous! Has dad never heard the word no? Dad is totally enabling that behaviour by paying when his son earns plenty.

You don't have to do it personally but it is nothing to do with you it is between them

@Mnetcurious I agree but if I say anything he thinks I hate his kids.

I don’t think anyone should be forced to learn to drive. I know plenty of people who have never learned to drive and manage perfectly well.

My youngest DD20 doesn’t want to learn. That’s her call, but she knows that I’m not her taxi. She pays for her own bus/train/uber fares. If she doesn’t like it, she can learn to drive. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Which might work for those people who live where there is excellent public transport, but that isn't the case for the vast majority of people in the Country.

Plus of course, it isn't 'either/or'.

I live in a big city. On the odd occasion I have to go into the City centre, on my own, it makes sense to take the train or bus. By the time there is a 2nd person in the car, it no longer does.

Thing is, I drive virtually every day, but rarely on an arterial route into the City Centre. Before I finished work, I had a role where we needed to be in different places during the day (again, rarely on a main bus route, even if the time were built in to stand and wait for buses). It's not unusual to have a job where you need to be at different sites during the day.
One of my dc has a job where he is in one place during his shift, but his shifts start before the trains start running (or after they stop, if he is on a night shift).
Another of my dc has a job where she sometimes has to transport equipment - again, not possible on public transport.
Lots of jobs require you to drive. All trades, community nurses, physios, etc, etc, etc. Plus loads where you have to move sites.

I passed my test 1 month after I turned 17 and I didn’t have a lesson until my bday. I was desperate to drive. Mine have all been much slower, DS1 was 25, DS2 has had a lot of lessons then got screwed by his instructor so now on hold until he finishes uni. DD (17 in 3 months) said she won’t bother learning yet as there’s nowhere she wants to drive to! Seriously, kids today! We do live in an area with excellent public transport but DD gets a lift to school daily as her health isn’t that great. I think everyone should learn as soon as they can. It’s not ideal being an adult asking for lifts. We have someone in our hobby group, as it gets on everyone’s nerves.

And that's your boundary, but OP's husband is fine with giving his son lifts/paying for them

Not for everyone. My DS had insurance costing £790 full comp 18 months ago when he was 19