Am I being petty and dickish with XDH about Christmas?

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Long story short. This is our 3rd Christmas apart. First one we were in the midst of the full horror of divorce. XDH came to us, brought nothing.

Second one, I said XDH could come round to us on Christmas Day but that I was buying gifts for the DC and he should do likewise. Lots of moaning from him about how he's not good at this stuff. He ending up asking what I'd bought for them. He then TOLD them what I'd got in a "your Mum's bought XYZ, what can I get you?" This included things which were going to be surprises. I didn't know until Christmas Day when DC told me.

So this year I'm not telling him a thing. XH is really pissed off by this and says I'm being petty. I mentioned to a friend last night and she clearly thought the same - she said I should tell him the main things and just keep the surprises a secret.

What say you all?

Background: DC are teens, they live with me full time as XDH won't have them overnight. He takes them out for the day sometimes. I find him lazy and irritating and maybe I am being petty as a result. But I feel I should model best behaviour as whatever I do he'll tell the kids.

Tell him to take them out for the day shopping or to just give them cash so they can go out and buy what they want

Your exh is a dick and so is your friend.

You owe him nothing. Especially given he ruined the surprise last year.

I would simply remind him that he is just as much a parent and if he bothered to spend time with his kids then he would know what they were interested in.

Then ignore.

Nope, tell him nothing. I'd not have him round on Christmas day, otger than to bring presents, have a coffee. Open presents, leave.

I wouldn't even do that. Every time my ex stepped foot in my house he took the piss, so he was barred from even stepping over the threshold.

Why would it be petty? The main advantage of divorcing these incompetent men is that you no longer have to deal with or mitigate for it. He's a grown up, let him figure it out himself ( or not, most likely)

Nope not being petty at all.

One question though, why won't he have his own children overnight?

As he never has the kids overnight, is this reflected in his maintenance payments?

He sounds like a really lazy and uninvolved dad and he's very lucky that you are really nice as I doubt that many other ex-wives would host him for Christmas.

YANBU.

It doesn't sound like he'd have the wherewithal to come up with duplicated ideas to you, but if it's a possibility, I'd just tell him that as teenagers they'd probably prefer cash anyway. Otherwise, if you've got a list of "spare" ideas you didn't use, there's no real harm in telling him what he can buy, rather than what he can't.

Yanbu he was and is.
Well done for divorcing.

@Addicted2Sugar He would say he's not had them overnight as he doesn't have room for them to have a room each and they're happier here. I would say he's just incredibly lazy and has never wanted to do actual parenting.

Money never been a problem between us. He pays a fixed sum well over any CMS calculation. But money requires no effort. I'm surprised he's never just given DC cash actually!

Don't tell him anything.
What a useless arsehole he is!

I hope you haven't got to cope with his company on Xmas Day???