Oh jeez I need support

Ez83 · 2024-12-18T04:36:40+00:00

So, my DD 16 is pregnant. My mum is receiving end of life care for cancer And I've been informed that my job no longer thinks I'm able to continue with my contract 😔 For context, I'm a secondary school teacher and I understand that when I'm not present, I'm letting down my students, as well as my colleagues. I also have serious MH issues and I'm really struggling. I dont know why I'm posting here, but probably because I'm so lost, apologies

CydonianKnight · 18/12/2024 04:49

Oh that is a lot all at once and difficult to prioritise for the best as all those things need urgent attention.

Daughter: needs to work out what she wishes to do. My cousin was a mum at 16, she was brilliant, managed to get all her GCSEs, A Levels and a degree. This is not necessarily the end of the world, but entirely her choice and she will need support. Do you have someone who can also be a hand hold for her so you’re not solely taking everything on your shoulders?

With everything on your plate, a mental health break is needed. Self care as much as you can as you cannot pour from an empty cup.

When I have periods where I’m in danger of overwhelm, I write down what I need to do, in columns of urgent, soon, can wait. Could this help lay everything out so you can view it as a whole rather than endless lists swirling about in your head?

grafittiartist · 18/12/2024 04:53

Gosh- that is a lot on your plate.
Are you able to find time for yourself at all- to be able to gather your thoughts?
You've to look yourself.

crummygecko · 18/12/2024 04:54

I have nothing useful to say OP and I can't even say I understand what you're going through. I just wanted to come on and say it sounds like shit but you will get through this. Sorry I'm not adding much but I know it's very early for the main Mumsnet crowd and didn't want you thinking no one cared when you got very few responses initially.

Original poster

Ez83 · 18/12/2024 04:57

Omg, thank you so much for replying.
As for my DD, its been tough, but I'm going to be a granny:) She will have all the support and the both of them (mammy &daddy) have good support but omg its just blown me away.
Just so gutted about my work. I know I'm a good teacher, but life is brutal right now.
My mum, shes superwoman, I hate that shes going through this:(
Appreciate you reaching out, thank you

OP posts:

Rocknrollstar · 18/12/2024 05:01

Are you on a time limited contract at work? You need to talk to your union rep

Original poster

Ez83 · 18/12/2024 05:08

I should probably add that my mum found out she had pancreatic cancer, 3 years ago on the 23rd December. Blew me away:( She has went through so much and I don't want to derail because I know cancer is the devil and has probably met a lot of us. But as a single mum with no help at all, except her, I dont know what to do. I have a degree and a Masters, from a good university, and I'm very proud of myself. My daughters are amazing:) So, my youngest is pregnant. It is what it is. That baby will be absolutely fine, as will she. But because I'm caring for my mum, I've been asked to leave my work.
Again, I apologise if this is long winded, but I have no one to talk to

OP posts:

SapphireOpal · 18/12/2024 05:12

Sorry you're going through all this OP. How much time off work have you actually had?

CydonianKnight · 18/12/2024 05:14

Yay for being a granny! How wonderful, and something to look forward to amongst all the stress and heartache. This will be a sad time, a time of ending but also new beginnings and with that come new possibilities.

I think you need to do what you can to have a short career break. It will be tough, but you don’t get to be a teacher without being made of tough stuff. Perhaps supply, where you can have more control of when you work, or even taking a short term salary cut for TA cover? Or PPA cover? There are options, even it if doesn’t feel like it.

Dont be afraid to reach out to charities to support you. There is also a teaching charity that can help in times of crisis. It is going to be ok and squeeeeee! newborn snuggles are the best!

Original poster

Ez83 · 18/12/2024 05:15

I have my union involved, but tbh, they're making me more confused. I have chronic anxiety and depression. I've been trying to get better for the last few years. I've tried therapy like CBT but so many times I can't even leave the house. My GP is lovely but I get embarrassed telling her how I really feel

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CydonianKnight · 18/12/2024 05:17

@Ez83 Youve got us. I know pancreatic cancer well, I’m so sorry.
Being asked to leave is not a reflection on your ability, rather tough circumstances you’re in and the school will be up against it. There are other options. It will be ok.

WhateverThen · 18/12/2024 05:19

That’s a lot OP, I think anyone would be feeling overwhelmed!

Don’t feel embarrassed about talking to your GP. Have you tried writing it all down to either read out or hand over? Please stick with it and ask for the support you need, including medication. That’s the only thing you can really influence here, and it’s the thing that will help to make everything else more manageable.

Original poster

Ez83 · 18/12/2024 05:21

A lot. I got told mum had a month or 2 in February and I couldn't cope so my GP signed me off until June. I went back in August, I work in Scotland, so that was the holidays, then in October my mum was admitted to hospital and I was signed off again until 23rd December. I think this is because they thought mum was going to pass and I'd have time to, I dunno, "deal" with it. But shes still here, although less than 5 stone and struggling:(
Still looking beautiful and stubborn:)

OP posts:

CydonianKnight · 18/12/2024 05:22

Ez83 · 18/12/2024 05:15

I have my union involved, but tbh, they're making me more confused. I have chronic anxiety and depression. I've been trying to get better for the last few years. I've tried therapy like CBT but so many times I can't even leave the house. My GP is lovely but I get embarrassed telling her how I really feel

There is nothing to be embarrassed about. You’ve got overwhelmed with a lot of significant life events at once. Depression can make for chemical changes which makes our brains struggle to cope. Self care is critical. Get enough sleep, drink plenty of water. Eat.

One technique is to allow yourself half an hour of worry per day. After that your worry rations are up. You’ve got this. You’ll be a credit to your mum, and a lifeline to your daughter. Self care, leave your worries here for tonight. Get some sleep.

oakleaffy · 18/12/2024 05:30

Ez83 · 18/12/2024 04:57

Omg, thank you so much for replying.
As for my DD, its been tough, but I'm going to be a granny:) She will have all the support and the both of them (mammy &daddy) have good support but omg its just blown me away.
Just so gutted about my work. I know I'm a good teacher, but life is brutal right now.
My mum, shes superwoman, I hate that shes going through this:(
Appreciate you reaching out, thank you

Bless you, OP.
Hope things work out for you.

Your Poor Mum. It's tough when someone we love gets ill.

Original poster

Ez83 · 18/12/2024 05:32

Thank you so so much!
I wish I could sleep! I'm knackered:/ my head is just a million miles a minute. I'm also a big sister, and a daughter, and a niece. People who've I've tried to talk to before dont get it but I'm from a big old Scottish irish family and the big sis is just like a mum. I'm not saying this to be rude, it's just the way it is. I genuinely appreciate being able to speak on here, cos I won't in real life. So thank you

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temperance81 · 18/12/2024 05:45

You really are dealing with a lot at once.

Sorry to hear about your mum, cancer sucks.

Being a young mum isn't the end of the world. I was at at school when I had ds, still passed my exams and went to university with my class mates.

Depression and anxiety is super hard. I personally find the anxiety more difficult to deal with than the depression. Are you currently taking medication? That can make a big difference.

As for school, would finances allow you a few
Months out so you can centre yourself? Maybe go to supply/TA role for a little while?

Do you have a partner that you can share the load with? x

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 18/12/2024 05:51

I'm so sorry OP, to be honest it sounds like the job is the main source of pressure and anxiety and this is a time to focus all your energy on your beautiful mum, daughter and grandchild.

How realistic is it for you to just walk away from work? What does your financial position look like? What financial commitments do you have to cover. Do you know what benefits you are entitled to?

Where is your mum being cared for? Does she have any assets/income which can help to support you while you are caring for her? are you an only child or do you have other siblings or family members also able to help share the care load?

i would look to simplify your financial commitments, claim all the benefits you can (including any for your mum and daughter), work out a plan for sharing your time between the care and support for your mum/daughter, think about who else is there to support you through all this - look for independent friends / professionals - gp, counsellor, social worker? - who can keep you as their main focus while your focus is naturally on your mum and daughter.

can you get a social care assessment? What support can they offer? Especially if your mum is not already in hospital or a hospice.

look at charities, local support groups, cancer charities (macmillan, Marie curie) and do speak to your GP about any medication and/counselling options.

make sure you are officially recognised by everyone - including yourself - as a carer - you are caring for your mum and daughter right now.

sending 💕💐