To feel resentful of Ex H

Jessierae34 · 2024-12-17T23:34:37+00:00

I get annoyed that he swoops in being the ‘fun dad’ and DS thinks he’s amazing yet I work full time and have DS extra a lot so he can have ‘time to himself.’ I pay for all the clubs and do pick ups / drops offs as he doesn’t drive. I make sure uniform, school bags and lunches are packed for school the next day when he does go to ex’s. I put so much thought and effort into activities and days out for my son and I and give every last ounce of my spare time to my child all with a smile on my face. But sometimes It feels as though he thinks I’m boring naggy mum and dad is so much more fun. I’m so happy DS loves his dad but I just feel resentful as I’m lumped with all the responsibilities and sometimes I wish I could live my own life all week then swoop in and be the responsibilty free fun mum twice a week if I feel like it and get so much appeciation for just that.

redastherose · 17/12/2024 23:42

T'was ever the lot of the actual parent! He isn't a parent in anything other than biology unfortunately. At some point hopefully your son will realise that you were both mum and dad and he was just his father!

JabbaTheBeachHut · 17/12/2024 23:46

I make sure uniform, school bags and lunches are packed for school the next day when he does go to ex’s.

Well you can stop that ^^ for a start. He'll never take responsibility if he doesn't have to.

As for the rest of it, most kids don't truly appreciate their parents until they're adults and even then they sometimes don't.

It's nice when they do, but that's not why we have them.

Ablondiebutagoody · 17/12/2024 23:47

Why are you sorting his lunch, bag, uniform etc when he goes to his Dad's?

Original poster

Jessierae34 · 17/12/2024 23:54

JabbaTheBeachHut · 17/12/2024 23:46

I make sure uniform, school bags and lunches are packed for school the next day when he does go to ex’s.

Well you can stop that ^^ for a start. He'll never take responsibility if he doesn't have to.

As for the rest of it, most kids don't truly appreciate their parents until they're adults and even then they sometimes don't.

It's nice when they do, but that's not why we have them.

Yeah I agree it’s a thankless job and if the roles were reversed I’d wish I could do more. I think it’s more we’re loved by DS equally yet it’s very much a 90/10 effort.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jessierae34 · 17/12/2024 23:58

Ablondiebutagoody · 17/12/2024 23:47

Why are you sorting his lunch, bag, uniform etc when he goes to his Dad's?

Because I never know if DS is stopping at his grandparents that night instead and I don’t want to put them out. Plus he’s fussy so I just feel better knowing his lunch is sorted regardless.

OP posts:

Cwazycupcake · 18/12/2024 00:00

You need to let him parent

My ex wanted 50/50 so I gave him 50/50 and didn’t bail him out ever. If he didn’t pick the kids up from school they were sent to after school care, when he didn’t pick them up they called his mum to pick them up. This cost him a fortune. I was always told the kids to ask their dad about friends birthday parties on his time. I didn’t interfere with anything, kids occasionally got dropped at a party with no gift. Left at school when sick. When they asked me about it I said talk to dad as I can’t control what happens on his time. Eventually they refused to go, so the 50/50 stopped.
Don’t hide who their dad is.

LadyGAgain · 18/12/2024 00:06

OP. Your child may not realise it now. Why would they at this age...but when they mature and have a better understanding of life, they will recognise the difference between the parent and the Disney one. It's so tough now. But watchful waiting....

Original poster

Jessierae34 · 18/12/2024 00:10

Cwazycupcake · 18/12/2024 00:00

You need to let him parent

My ex wanted 50/50 so I gave him 50/50 and didn’t bail him out ever. If he didn’t pick the kids up from school they were sent to after school care, when he didn’t pick them up they called his mum to pick them up. This cost him a fortune. I was always told the kids to ask their dad about friends birthday parties on his time. I didn’t interfere with anything, kids occasionally got dropped at a party with no gift. Left at school when sick. When they asked me about it I said talk to dad as I can’t control what happens on his time. Eventually they refused to go, so the 50/50 stopped.
Don’t hide who their dad is.

Thanks I love that you powered through and it worked out. So many people have told me to do this but I’m so hesitant because my fear is for example if DS is left at school sick he’ll just think well my dads not coming and now neither is my mum regardless of whose day it is does anyone actually care about me? I know I need to take a step back but I’m scared too.

OP posts:

spoonfulofsugar1 · 18/12/2024 00:11

Cwazycupcake · 18/12/2024 00:00

You need to let him parent

My ex wanted 50/50 so I gave him 50/50 and didn’t bail him out ever. If he didn’t pick the kids up from school they were sent to after school care, when he didn’t pick them up they called his mum to pick them up. This cost him a fortune. I was always told the kids to ask their dad about friends birthday parties on his time. I didn’t interfere with anything, kids occasionally got dropped at a party with no gift. Left at school when sick. When they asked me about it I said talk to dad as I can’t control what happens on his time. Eventually they refused to go, so the 50/50 stopped.
Don’t hide who their dad is.

There's a difference between not enabling a useless man, and having the kids suffer to make a point.