To do my DD20’s laundry

[Sockntired]

I live with my adult children as a single parent. They both pay a small amount of rent per month. My older child does their own laundry and has done for many years.

My younger child cannot seem to manage to do any laundry. I am talking months worth of clothes. She will either wear things a lot without washing them or she will borrow my clothes or buy new ones. The laundry pile is usually truly gigantic - at least 10 loads if not more. She has a fairly small room and our house isn’t huge so it’s just on the floor not in a basket.

I keep asking her to address the pile for a few reasons. Firstly it does smell after a while even if she thinks it doesn’t. We have carpet and musty old clothes surely aren’t good for smells on carpets. Secondly she is afraid of spiders and expects me to come help get rid of them but the washing is attracting them as a hiding place. Third it’s often all over electrical items, laptops, extension leads and I think it’s posing a fire hazard. Fourth I do find it a bit revolting and embarrassing if anyone was to ever visit. We live in social housing and I have had workman in before and she leaves her door wide open, it just gives me the ick and cringe. I also don’t like my family visiting I am embarrassed if they were to see it.

We have reached an impasse before where I have done her laundry in the end and she was grateful for the help, so as it’s coming up to Christmas I have done a few loads in my spare time to try to get the volume down.

she has got really cross with me for going in her room and taking the clothes and washing them. She says I am controlling and that it gives me the ick is not her problem. She doesn’t want to live the same way as I do so I need to get over it

WIBU

She needs a reality check. Your house, your rules. Is she going to contribute if the house burns down?

Your house, you don’t like the clothes mountain and consider it a fire hazard when clothes are thrown over electrical items - your daughter is an adult - tell her that unless she does her laundry weekly, she will have to move out. Your house, your rules,

Is there a genuine reason she can’t do her washing? Does she actually know how to do it?

Bag up 80% of the clothes and hide them in the loft/garage/car. Tell her you don't want a fire hazard in the house. Tell her if she wants the clothes back she needs to launder the remaining 20% and put them away.

She does know she just hates doing it. She isn’t trying to get me to do it. She knows I would help if she asked. I cannot really work out the reasons why she is so resistant to doing it

Well it’s just laziness. I fear this will be my DD in a few years.

Does she work? Does she get overwhelmed?

You know, I would go with her to a laundry where she can do it all at once. Some have double or even triple loaders, so may not need too many machines.

Would she benefit from a schedule?

If she doesn't want to live the same way then she can live elsewhere!

How disgusting!

How does she fund so many clothes? I'd be bagging it up and either binning or putting in the shed. I've never had a pile of laundry so long that it smelt, didn't even realise that would be possible. I don't understand the spider thing. Spiders don't live in laundry.

I'd offer to do her laundry as a present or set up a laundry lady subscription as her xmas/ birthday gift.

Tbh she needs to learn how to manage it though, 20 is probably a decade behind.

Is she at least washing her underwear? If not she must be wearing it for longer than is hygienic. Does she herself smell? Would that make her get off her arse and do it?

Just leave daughter to run out of clean clothes,she will work it out ! My son lived at home last year and he worked it out !

If she wants to live her own way she can do it in her own home. Grim.

Quit.
She will learn.

She does work and she is forced to wash her work clothes at some stage so at most one load every 2 weeks but this doesn’t help at all as there are so many other clothes. She just goes and buys new PJ’s and takes her boyfriends clothes (sometimes mine)

I have offered to do a launderette trip but she doesn’t want to. I always end up doing the laundry in the end but then it ends up a big deal as it’s over the whole house drying and she is annoyed I’ve done it. I would rather just do a load every few days like everyone else does and keep it down that way. I don’t even mind helping.

I mean spiders do seem to live in her laundry. I don’t know why but she has loads of spiders in there. I don’t have a floordrobe of my own so I don’t know if that’s common or not.

sometimes I do just bag it up so it’s in loads ready for her but she doesn’t like that either

No she isn’t. The underwear is what is giving me the ick. There is so much of it

She does shower more often now but she never used to like showering and I know she doesn’t brush her teeth twice a day either. She will go days not washing her hair. Myself and my other child have normal hygiene so I am unsure why hers is the way it is

She doesn’t smell on her person at all. She doesn’t sweat or wear make up. She has clear skin, she looks nice just dishevelled usually. She doesn’t brush her hair often. Her room does smell though

Has she got a linen basket.

You end up doing it? Why? She is an adult?

Yes a big one. I will wash everything that doesn’t fit in the basket as it’s on the floor then usually leave that full. It holds 2-3 loads.

@MumChp I don’t know other than I find it hard to just leave it. I haven’t done it for 3 months now it’s got really bad again I spoke to her she said she would do some, then she didn’t so I have done it again. Now she is mad at me.

Ask her to follow house rules or move out. She is an adult. Not a child.

Does she have any kind of special needs, OP?

We have one laundry basket. DD has only just moved out aged 26. She put her dirties in with ours and I just washed them. No problem really.

I dread to think about the bed linen op.

@healthybychristmas not that I know of but I do wonder about this. She was a shy kid but she’s sociable, intelligent, has lots of friends and stuff. I do think she might have signs of depression but she won’t talk about it when I try to approach her about her mood or lack of motivation. She holds down a job but spends a lot of time just lying in bed. As I worry she is depressed (and in denial) I think this is why I am not overly harsh on her. It’s her laundry so she is being detrimental to herself?

I do both my children's washing every day, I like to have the washing done and drying if they didn't like it they could leave.
I can't stand dirty washing hanging around, I would not be able to leave it for weeks.
If she were my daughter she'd have a basket in her room and she would put her dirty clothes in it.

My house, my rules. X

@RosesAndHellebores the bed linen is a whole other topic. Usually she ends up buying a whole new set. She has about 7 sets now and I do wash them but she leaves the sheets on for 3 months or so then goes and gets a new set from somewhere and says she doesn’t like the old set anymore. I do take the towels out I don’t leave them for 3 months. I offer for her to put in with my washing but she offen doesn’t bother