To feel judged by different standards at work

[Ereerenownow]

Work in a small team (10 of us) in a sales type business. It's often very stressful and people fall out with each other, shout and scream and generally bitch and moan all the time. I make it sound awful but it's actually not a bad place to work and the salary is amazing.
Issue is, I hate Christmas due to many childhood traumas and I've explained to a few colleagues that if I become a bit quiet and thoughtful, it's nothing to do with them, it's just me.
However, last week, our team and another went out for a meal and I wasn't invited. It was later explained that it was because they thought I wouldn't go because i hate Christmas..I was really upset to be the only one left out.
Today, the top boss came into the office and asked for a chat with me. Turns out, my lovely colleagues have complained that I've been quiet and withdrawn and making them feel uncomfortable. I was gobsmacked considering the arguments etc that happen on an almost daily basis and people were complaining about ME being quiet, even after I explained my reasons why. I never get involved in the arguments and get on well with everyone, or so I thought.
I now feel dreadful and look at my colleagues with suspicion as I'm not sure exactly which ones have complained.

Maybe they don't feel you are part of the team. Not joining in Christmas stuff is fine, but if you are a loner on a day to day basis, I can see how it would affect any team dynamics.

Personally I would look for somewhere else. Their 'dynamic' is to scream and shout at each other which seems to be the only thing aside from complaining about you that they are united on as what makes their team.

I was going to ask this. Perhaps your boss isn’t explaining it well and they are actually concerned about you?

I think rather than telling your colleagues you should have spoken to your manager and let them know if you were quieter than normal. They are the ones who can put in place things for you and if they aren’t aware of any issues (wellbeing wise) then they can’t support and are caught off guard.

maybe the whole thing has arisen from the Manager asking why you weren't at (or invited to) the group meal?

I would find somewhere else to work otherwise you are always going to wonder who was bitching about you, because that is all it is, people who want you available to indulge in chat about their life dramas when you clearly told them this time of year is difficult for you. They are selfish arseholes.

Rubbish advice from some, you're doing well and high salary ignore others carry on as normal, they are probably jealous and to leave you out is nasty, they should have let it be your choice. Bitching at work, just don't join in and ignore who cares what work colleague think? You know next month it will be someone elses turn to be put in the spot light.
Be proud of yourself and your achievements, work is work as long as you don't hate it and it pays well just do what you have always done ✨️

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Quiet, hard working people are not appreciated in our society. I think some people feel threatened by us, because obviously there must be something wrong with you if you don't join in office chit chat and drama!

Hold your head up high. You're worth more than all of them. And honestly, I'd look for another job. They don't deserve you. Sounds an awful, bitchy place to work.

I would honestly think about getting some therapy to deal with the trauma around Xmas or you are going to be defined by it forever. I had a colleague with similar issue who went into a depression at the first sign of a Christmas card until the middle of January. It made life in the office miserable for everyone as no one could mention plans, parties,presents without them sniffing. I'm not suggesting that this is how you behave but do you really want to continue to face this every year? Therapy could help you reframe and see Xmas as a time of hope, generosity of spirit, and yes having a fun time out with colleagues at the office meal. Life is too short to be weighed down by situations that happened to us when we had no control .