Ok I'll try to keep it brief
DH rarely chats on the phone. In truth he doesn't really have anyone to chat to. I recently acknowledged to myself unpleasantly that I've started avoiding calls myself at home because he makes me uncomfortable when I'm on them and vowed to change this. It's subtle but passive aggressive things, big sighs and walking in and out of the room that I'm in (away from him), scowling and seeming annoyed.
A recent example -
Yesterday we were both ill, me moreso. He had looked after me all day. I was starting to feel human. I was in bed, DH downstairs. My brother phoned. My first instinct was to ignore then I gave myself a mental shake and answered. We were talking on the phone for a while when DH walked in and immediately looked annoyed. I mouthed who it was but he ignored me and left. Then he returned. My brother was speaking and I was listening. Then DH started talking to me. I don't mean he signalled he wanted to say something and waited or he mouthed one thing - he started a conversation and just kept talking. As if I wasn't already in a conversation. I stared at him then asked my brother to hold for a moment. I asked DH to stop. He walked out.
I've spoken to him about this stuff before. I'll be honest, our relationship was not good for the first few years but that is in the past. We went to a lot of therapy.
This got under my skin but I dropped it.
Now today, a big row and btw I do not come out here glowing either.
I had been on the go all day and was coming home to grab lunch. It was late, I was rushing. My DH was in the kitchen eating lunch. My phone buzzed, not officially my boss but close enough. I had to answer the call and at the same time walked into the kitchen getting the pleasantries out of the way. I waved at DH and mouthed who it was. He was listening to a podcast.
Now just to point out - neither of us would leave a podcast playing in the kitchen while the other person was there.
I kept the conversation going and started putting my lunch on kind of waving my soup at DH to show what I was doing. He scowled and I turned away. I wasn't going to get another chance to get lunch either.
Next thing he started raising the volume on his podcast - louder and louder. I pointed at the call and mouthed again who it was. He shrugged and raised it louder.
I was really pissed, gave him the finger and walked out.
Two mins later I came back in as I didn't want the soup to boil over and just decided to focus on the call which was hard but ok. Next thing DH started yelling "I was in here first, you came in here making noise, I was having my lunch..."
The boss stopped speaking immediately then said "is everything ok?" sounding concerned. I was so embarrassed and told him fine. The call was really awkward and ended abruptly.
I hung up and told DH he embarrassed me and he immediately started shouting that I disturbed him and then I started shouting back that he was back to his old ways and why did he behave like that on the phone with my brother yesterday and now my boss will have formed an opinion and nothing can be done and I'm sick of him. Then I totally lost it and started screaming at him to just fuck off because I was sick of him and being so stupid to think things could have changed because he always goes back to his true self. Then he took some deep breaths and went out of the room.
Maybe it doesn't seem like a massive deal. But I'm so angry. Why can't he just be pleasant, wave hello and understand that I wouldn't be interrupting him if it wasn't urgent (I wouldn't) and he's no right to impact my professional life.